The phrase "we need to talk" had never meant anything good, so understandably, when Miranda said this to Lilian that morning, it made her anxious. Now, sitting in the living room together after having dropped Maddie off at school, Lilian still couldn't get over her nerves. Miranda was sitting on the coffee table in front of Lilian, seated on the couch, and digging her nails into the knees of her pants. Finally, after what seemed like hours, Miranda exhaled and spoke.
"I've made a decision," she said, "and...and it might make life weird and difficult for a little bit." "...does it have to do with me? Us?" Lilian asked. "Kinda, yeah," Miranda said, tossing her hair back behind her, "I...I think I'm ready to go in for evaluations in regards to getting sex reassignment surgery." Lilian had to admit, that hadn't been what she was expecting. If anything, this was a relief. She started laughing, then apologized for laughing as she explained her nervousness. After a few minutes of solid, anxious relief laughter, Lilian leaned forward and put her hands on Miranda's legs. "If that's all this is about, then, hey, that's fine," Lilian said, "I was scared you were gonna leave me or something. But if you think you're ready, then-" "I didn't wanna be a cliche," Miranda said, interrupting her, "that's why I waited so long. It always feels like 'the surgery' is the biggest aspect, but I wanted to just...live for a little bit, you know? And even then, it won't be an immediate thing. I'll have to go through various medical checkups, some light therapy, it won't be walking in and getting it done that day. I just wanted you to know where my head was at because you're my partner and...and it's important that you know what I'm doing or planning to do." Lilian smiled and planted her lips on Miranda's forehead. "I'm behind you all the way, a hundred percent, you know that," Lilian said, "and whether you do go through with it or not, I'll love you and the way I see you will never change." Miranda wanted to cry. This was something that, for some reason, she was scared of telling Lilian about. She figured it would go this way, but a lifetime of doubt cast around her identity had always made her expect the worst. Miranda climbed onto the couch where Lilian was and snuggled up to her, laying her head on Lilian's chest. Lilian laughed lightly and ran her fingers through Miranda's hair. Neither had ever had a real relationship before, and yet it all came so surprisingly easily to them. Maybe that's what happens when you try your hardest not to become your parents. *** "Everything here looks in order," Helena said, sipping her latte as she shifted through the papers on the table. She and Vera had agreed to meet at a small cafe downtown, somewhere Vera was not used to holding business meetings, but Helena had agreed to pay for everything, and considering she was buying the company, how could Vera object to her meeting space of choice? Vera picked up her scone and bit into it cautiously, having rarely eaten scones before. "Can I ask you a question?" Helena asked, and Vera nodded. "Of course," she said, mouthful of pastry. "You say your best employee is also the one you've had the most trouble with. Now I've read through her file, and I do see she's in rehab, but why would you keep on someone who was so clearly a detriment? Who could so easily derail what you're doing and the overall rating your company had, via word of mouth, by disgruntled parents or clients or whomever? It just...it doesn't really make sense. I'm not judging your business decisions, by the way, I'm just curious." Vera chewed her scone for a bit, then set it down and sighed. "Uh," Vera said, "...I don't really have a reason. Alexis has been with the company longer than I have. In fact, she's one of the original employees left over from the people we worked for before I took over. I guess a sense of obligation, she'd put in so much time and effort, and in her defense she NEVER went to work high or drunk. It was all recreational. She and I have...had our differences, but...but she's good at what she does, and kids love her, and...and I would be a bad person to take away her income just because of something she does off company hours. If she isn't endangering anyone, then what's the harm, right? It took me a long, long time to come to accept this, by the way. I used to be pretty against her. But I guess I also see her abilities, and...and see her value, and what she brings to the company, brings to others via her participation in their events, and I know she has the potential, she's shown it. She doesn't deserve to lose her job because of a few mistakes she makes in her personal life." Vera surprised even herself with this acknowledgement. If Tyler had been present, he'd likely have kissed her for her change in heart towards Alexis. Vera sighed and shook her head, her braids swaying side to side. "Listen," Vera said, "I mean, she's in rehab, she's doing great, but the thing I've come to learn is that she doesn't deserve my respect just because she got sober. She deserved it the entire time, even at her lowest points, because she's a person, and a friend, and a good employee. I was...I was very out of line with how I acted, and the moment I finally get to see her again, I'm gonna tell her that. So I keep her on because I know what she's capable of what worth she brings, not just to us but to herself and others. She's good. So, if you're interested in buying the company...the one stipulation is that you cannot fire Alexis. Otherwise I'll start looking for another buyer." Helena leaned back in her chair, sipping her coffee and smirking. "I have to admit," she said, "you really stick up for people. That's nice to see in this line of work. Often bosses see their employees as being underneath them, below them, and would gladly throw any of them to the wolves for a chance at a better life or pay. It's nice to see the opposite. Fine. Stipulation granted. Alexis will stay on. I never had any intention of removing her anyway, I was just curious is all." Helena picked up a pen and signed a paper, then scooted the paper across the table towards Vera and handed her the pen. "You do the honors and we'll be all done here," she said. *** Alexis wasn't having a great day. Sitting in Star's room while John went out to get them all lunch, her thoughts kept turning back to what had happened that morning before she'd left the hospice, and back to the discussion she and Rick had had. For all the hope she'd invested in the two of them being an item after they were released, it now seemed so fragile, after what he'd admitted to her. Alexis picked up a yellow crayon and started coloring on the page, continuing her handiwork while Star did her own page. "Would you forgive someone if they did something that might hurt you?" Alexis asked, looking up at Star. "Hurt me how?" she asked. "Like...like say they were going to do something that you could get hurt by, even if they didn't mean to hurt you, would you forgive them?" Alexis asked, and Star thought for a moment, then shook her head. "No," she said, "people shouldn't hurt eachother, even if on accident." Alexis sighed, nodding. She agreed, and Star was right. Alexis had put in the time and effort to get sober, working hard on herself and her mindset at the hospice, and she wasn't about to throw that away for the hope of a relationship just because Rick didn't want to do the same. "What about your mom?" Alexis asked, "would you ever forgive her?" Star stopped coloring and looked up. She was sitting cross legged on the floor, her hair in pigtails. She stuck the crayon between her teeth and thought for a moment, then shook her head. "No," she said, "she's my mommy, but...she did a bad bad thing, and it hurt me, and I can't do lots of things now cause of it. Nobody should have that power." Alexis wanted to cry. How did this woman, with the mentality of a 7 year old, understand the way people connect to eachother better than the full ass adults she was in constant contact with on a daily basis? The door to the room opened up again, and John entered, smiling, holding their lunches. Alexis knew what she had to do. She'd eat lunch, finish this coloring session, and then go back to the hospital. If she wanted her sobriety, she couldn't put it at risk for the sake of love. She'd worked too hard for that. *** Lying in bed, Miranda's head on Lilian's chest as she ran her fingers through Miranda's hair, it seemed like things were perfect. Neither one had anything to say, because to speak would spoil the moment. Miranda shut her eyes and exhaled, hugging Lilian around the waist tighter, making her chuckle. "This was all I ever wanted," Miranda said quietly, "this exact thing. I mean, sex is fine and all, but this. This level of intimacy. Just lying in bed as a woman, with a woman, a woman who loves me. Who knows me and understands me and respects me and accepts me. This is all I ever dreamed about." "...it's funny," Lilian said, "about a year ago, my mom asked me if I was a lesbian, and I said no, and now here I am. But the thing is...I liked you regardless of your identity. You just happen to be a girl. Identity is complicated, now I know how you've felt your whole life." Miranda laughed and nodded. "Yeah, shit is kinda wild," she said in agreement. "You know you don't have to do it just to be whole, right? I'm gonna see you as you are no matter what you do, and societys opinion doesn't matter. I hope you're doing it for you, and not anyone else, because, frankly, you're already who you need to be. Who you should be," Lilian said, running her hand onto Miranda's cheek and massaging gently. "I am," Miranda said, "I am doing it for me. I can remember my little sister being very young, maybe 3 or 4, and I was...so jealous that I didn't have what she had. Growing up further, being in high school for instance, it just...it never felt right to be the way I was. I didn't really relate to any of the people around me, and never felt comfortable physically, especially doing things like PE where I had to change around guys. I can remember going to a party once and all these guys were bragging about their sexual conquests, about hot girls they'd nailed and then never called again. And the entire time I'm listening to this, all I can think is 'you're an asshole', but I'm not thinking that way from the mans point of view. I'm thinking that way in defense of the girls they left. It felt personal, almost. And whenever I thought about being with a woman, I always thought of it being more romantic, more sensual, more....real." Lilian looked down at Miranda, laying her cheek on the top of her head, still petting her, her fingertips trailing down her bare spine. "It never once," Miranda continued, "occured to me that other guys didn't think the same way. I know some men can be romantic, not as alpha brained, animalistic, but the majority of them...ugh. And it wasn't just that. It was being jealous of what girls got to wear, how long their hair got to be. Beauty seemed effortless to them. I realize now that it isn't entirely, but it still kinda is, just because they're women. I think the one thing being a woman has taught me above all else is that...every single woman, regardless of their genitalia or sexual preference or whatever, isn't the same. Every single woman is different. You don't really get that from a male perspective, you kind of lump them all into the same category that are then sub categorized by cliques. Types. But two women who are very much the same, say they're extremely feminine, can still be entirely different. That's what I've really learned, and it's nice to embrace that." Lilian nodded, listening. She sighed. "When I used to do beauty pageants," Lilian said, "All I saw were women who valued their appearance above all else. But in hindsight, they were often not the ones valuing it. They were playing into others views of self worth related to it. They used peoples attraction as an advantage, and that's kind of powerful. To use what you're given naturally to overtake those who would only respect you for your looks, the very thing you're using against them. That isn't to say that industry isn't still shallow and weird, but we have more power than we've been led to believe. That's what I'm trying to teach Maddie. Her gender doesn't define her, and she's capable of more than the expectations people have of her because of it." Miranda rolled over on top of Lilian and, taking her face in her hands, kissed her hard. "It's been nice, playing home with you," Miranda said, "having a kid around, getting to co-parent." "It's been an interesting experience, that's for sure," Lilian remarked, laughing. "I wanna do that with you forever," Miranda whispered, "...if you want. If you're interested." "Oh, I'm very interested," Lilian said, the both of them giggling as she leaned up and kissed Miranda back. Miranda had made many big decisions throughout her life, up to and including the one today, but the biggest and bravest decision? Loving someone during all of that, even when it meant they might not love you back. Thankfully she'd gotten lucky, and despite Lilian's character at the company, a lot of times, Miranda was the one who often felt like a princess. *** Alexis entered her room, only to find Rick sitting at her desk. She shut the door behind her as he turned and held up a sketchpad with a badly drawn architectural design on it. She stopped and stared it for a moment, trying to make sense of what it was she was looking at exactly. "Uh..." she said. "Renovation plans," Rick said, "for my sisters bakery. I'm gonna go back to work there once I'm outta here, gonna keep my usage on the downlow, not let it overtake me this time." "That's actually something we need to talk about," Alexis said, sitting on her bed, her hands in her lap; Rick turned in the chair towards her as she sniffled and continued, "um...fuck...uh...I don't think we can see eachother if you're not going to be sober too. It...it isn't a judgement against you, for what it's worth, it's myself. I don't think I could stay sober around someone who isn't. I don't trust my convictions that much yet." "...are you breaking up with me?" Rick asked, "...huh...I wasn't even aware we were technically dating. Why am I always the last to know about things that directly involve me?" Alexis couldn't help but laugh a little at this response. "I just...I like you so very much, but I don't think you're ready to be sober yet and-" "Hey, I can be sober to be with you." "No, then you're doing it for me, and you should do it for yourself," Alexis said, starting to cry, "I...I don't wanna be the reason you give up on something that you still want to do, regardless of if it's good or bad for you. I don't exactly know your entire history with drugs, I don't know exactly how they interact with you, but...if you're not ready, then don't do it for my sake. That's just gonna breed resentment and contempt down the line, and that isn't fair to either of us." A silence filled the room, and Rick stood up, nodding. He headed for the door, then stopped. He reached into his coat pocket and pulled something out, then handed it to Alexis. "I, uh...I thought you might like this," he said, "my sister helped me get it." And then, with that, Rick turned and left the room. Alexis sat on the bed, crying, as she slowly opened the small container, revealing its contents. A silver necklace with an emerald broach in the middle, something resembling the kind of thing one might find in a treasure chest. Alexis held the jewelry in her hand and cried more. Rick had truly been the only person to ever get to know her, her interests and likes, her hobbies and personality. To take her to heart and remember the things she thought were good. He'd also been the only person to ever buy her jewelry. She laid down on her side, clutching the necklace to her chest, and cried. She knew it was for the best. For the both of them. But if it was the right thing to do...why did it make her feel so bad?
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"Gotta say, not a big fan of being blindfolded outside of the bedroom," Alexis said as she sat in John's car while he drove to the predetermined destination; he smirked as she continued, adding, "usually it leads to a surprise birthday party or something of similar yet disgusting nature. It's never for anything fun, that's for sure."
"First of all, you telling me you like to be blindfolded in bed? Not necessary for me to know. You can keep some stuff to yourself," John said, "Secondly, I'm in agreement with you. I'm not a fan of it myself. Nor am I a fan of birthday parties." "Which is weird cause you're a clown." "Well, my own anyway," John said, "don't like my own birthday. Don't mind celebrating others. Anyway I promise that where we're going is definitely worth the trip and the time spent being unable to see. Besides, you're a pirate, right? You already spend a good amount of time with one eye covered. What's the difference really in losing sight in both?" Alexis laughed as John came to another turn and entered over a bump that led into a parking lot. Alexis sighed and turned her head to look out the window, only to be reminded she couldn't see anything. "You know, they say when you lose one of your senses, the others often end up working better, but I'm finding this not to be true," Alexis said. "Well, you're also not actually blind," John said, "just keep that in mind." After another few minutes, they finally parked and John climbed out of the car, went around to the passenger side and opened Alexis's door, helping her out. His hands on her arms, he guided her from behind down towards something. She could hear what sounded like water, and she tensed up, feeling uneasy. After a few minutes of walking, they finally came to a stop, and John pulled the blindfold off her face. Her eyes took a minute to adjust to the sights, but when they finally did, they were standing on a pier. "...are you...am I about to sleep with the fishes?" Alexis asked, "is this a mob hit?" Suddenly, a large boat pulled up beside them, and Alexis couldn't believe her eyes. Standing on the main deck was, of all people, her sister Geena. She couldn't decide what was worse, to be honest. To be near a large body of water, or her actual family. Each one had managed to do rather significant damage. The boat stopped alongside the pier, and Geena came down the ramp, approaching them. "I'm sorry for all the secrecy," Geena said, putting her hands on her sisters shoulders, "but...I really really wanted it to be a surprise. What do you think?" Alexis looked past her sister at the boat and sighed. "I think I'd rather go to a birthday party," she said flatly. *** Miranda and Lilian, in Lilian's car as she drove, hadn't said a word since leaving the apartment that morning. They weren't fighting, of course, just...each was lost in thought about what the day was going to be like. This was the first time Lilian would be meeting Miranda's family, and the first time Miranda would be seeing them again as herself, fully. Truth be told, she was nervous as hell, something Lilian could sense given that she was constantly clawing at her stockings. Thankfully, they'd been able to drop Maddie off with Vera again, so they had to whole day and night to themselves for this event. "You're gonna be fine, you know that, right? I'm gonna be there, and everything's gonna be okay," Lilian said as they pulled up to a stoplight and she rested her hand on Miranda's thigh. This worked a little, making Miranda smile. "The thing is, nobody could make me uncertain of who I am, I know who I am," Miranda said, "nobody can ever make me doubt that. It's more that...people in my community...we often don't have great relationships with our families. Mine was already kind of fraught, between my father and I anyway, and I just...I worry about that more than anything else. I worry about not having a family at all." "Well, you'll always have family in some form, through me and Maddie," Lilian said, patting Miranda on the thigh. Miranda smiled, albeit weakly. She appreciated what Lilian was doing, what she was trying to say, but deep down, she knew it would never be the same. Of course she'd always have them as her family of sorts, but that wasn't the same thing as having blood family. She went back to looking out the window as the light finally turned green and Lilian continued driving. Miranda didn't know how today was going to shake out...but it couldn't be worse than Alexis's day. *** "What in the name of God's green Earth would make you think I'd ever want to get on a boat, let alone get anywhere close to a large body of water again?" Alexis asked, standing on the dock. Geena looked embarrassed, and John was getting, quite frankly, fed up with Alexis's attitude. "She's trying to show you that you can overcome things!" John said, "that's what rehab is all about, right? Overcoming your adversities. Proving you're stronger than the things that weigh you down. So the water almost killed you? Get on this boat and make the water your bitch." Alexis looked past him at Geena, who was sitting on the edge of the dock. Alexis walked past John, and seated herself next to her sister. "I appreciate the gesture, for what it's worth," Alexis said. "Do you?" Geena asked. "I do!" Alexis replied, "I really, genuinely do. It's...it's nice to know that someone from my family, my sister of all people, has my best interests at heart, but-" "I came to the hospital," Geena said, interrupting, "back when you OD'd. But seeing you lying in that bed, so close to the edge...it was like seeing you lying on the beach again. I know we have our differences, but we also have our similarities, such as hating the people we grew up with. I managed to at least get myself on track, and it's nice to see you doing the same. Nobody else is, you know? Nobody else from the family is doing well at all. I just wanna help you more." Alexis sighed and, against her usual judgement, reached out and took Geena's hand in her own, squeezing it. "The thing is, I have help," Alexis said, "I've got John, and I've got all the people I work with, and this guy at the facility that I really like. But I guess you're right in the sense that it's not the same. I have friends. Cohorts. A potential romantic interest. But I don't have a sister at the moment, and that could be kinda cool." Geena smiled, wiping the tears from her eyes with her other hand. "Alright, dammit," Alexis muttered, "let's get on your damn stupid boat." *** Standing on the large covered front porch of Miranda's childhood home, waiting for her to ring the doorbell, Lilian couldn't help but feel a little jealous of her youth. Miranda had grown up in an affluent neighborhood, in a really nice home, compared to the small apartment Lilian herself had grown up in with her mother. Miranda exhaled, then reached out and pressed her finger to the doorbell, then straightened her standing, feeling Lilian take her hand and squeeze gently. "This place used to feel so..." Miranda started, looking around, before adding, "...full." "Full?" Lilian asked. "Yeah. Now everything feels so empty, and not just here, but everywhere in life, except with you," Miranda said, pulling Lilian's hand to her lips and kissing it, adding, "that's the one thing that's always fully." "You might have depression," Lilian said, "you should see my therapist. He's helped me through a lot, and he has a daughter like you. He'd be nothing but understanding." "You don't think that'd get messy, sharing a therapist?" Miranda asked, making Lilian laugh. "Well, not like we'd be seeing him together," she replied. Suddenly the front door swung open, and standing there was Miranda's mother, Ann, who lunged forward and immediately hugged Miranda without any hesitation. Miranda, not expecting this kind of hello despite having a good relationship with her mother, started to cry as she hugged her mother back. Her mother squeezed her tighter, and pressed her lips to her ear, whispering. "I missed you so much," she said, "my little girl is home." That, more than anything else, broke Miranda, who started crying even harder. Lilian just stepped aside, smiling brightly as she watched this heartwarming moment unfurl before her. As Ann pulled away from Miranda, her hands on her arms, looking at her, she then turned her attention to Lilian and smiled at her as well. "Hello," Ann said. "Mom, this is my girlfriend, Lilian," Miranda said. "It's very nice to meet-" Lilian began, holding out her hand before Ann suddenly hugged her too, taking both Lilian and Miranda by surprise. After that hug ended, Ann did the same thing; she stood in front of Lilian, staring at her, while Miranda slinked by her mother and headed into the house. Once out of earshot, Ann, her face wet with tears, cleared her throat. "Thank you so much," she said, "thank you for letting her be herself. Nobody could ever get her to do it. I accepted her, she had friends who accepted her, but none of it ever was enough to push her to do it. Whatever you did, it must've been something spectacular, because to finally see her as herself, happy, makes my heart swell." "All I did was love her," Lilian said, chuckling nervously, shrugging, "nothing too hard." "Please, come inside," Ann said. With that, she and Lilian headed inside after Miranda. Once inside, Lilian couldn't help but be jealous of the interior of the house as well. Wasn't anything amazing, just a very well kept upper suburban home, but it once again made Lilian a bit jealous for Miranda's upbringing. Ann followed Miranda past the foyer and into the living room, while Lilian stopped in the hall and looked at photos on the wall, photos on a nearby table, taking it all in. In the photos Miranda looked happy, but she could see the pain behind her eyes, especially in photos that featured her sister. Lilian picked up one photo, then heard someone come in behind her. She turned, a little surprised, to see a woman a little younger than Miranda standing there in the doorway between the foyer and the kitchen chewing on a celery stick with peanut butter on it. "I'm...I'm sorry, I hope it's okay to look at these," Lilian said, and the woman shrugged. "I don't care," she said. She had short brown hair and was wearing ripped jeans and a v-neck t-shirt with an oversized flannel overshirt. "I just...it's nice to see her as a kid," Lilian said, as the woman stopped beside her and looked at the photos as well. "Yeah, well, at least one of us wound up a happy adult," the woman said, before heading upstairs, and only then did it dawn on Lilian that that was Miranda's sister. But before she could really process this interaction she was called into the living room by Miranda, and she happily kept to the plan. *** Alexis and Geena were standing at the rail of the boat, as it sailed out onto open waters. Geena was holding Alexis's hand to keep her from getting scared, as the sound of the water lapping up against the metal of the boat certainly made Alexis jump a little each time. After a little bit, Alexis edged herself away from the siderail and back into the center of the deck, Geena following suit. "Are you doing alright?" Geena asked, and Alexis exhaled, then shook her head. "Not really, no, I'm extremely anxious, I can feel my heart racing," she said, "it's wild that one little thing can have such a negative effect on you for the rest of your life." "One little thing? You nearly drowned, Alex," Geana said, laughing. "Nearly being the operative word there," Alexis replied, "they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but I find the opposite to be true. If anything, it's just weakened me further. I have a hard time even being around pools sometimes. Water just makes me so uncomfortable." Geena picked out a root beer from a cooler on the boat and popped the top, taking a long sip. She looked around the boat, spotting John off to the side, fishing of all things, and laughed quietly to herself. She then sighed and looked back towards Alexis. "Are you mad you survived?" Geena asked. "I mean, I was a kid, so-" "No no," Geena said, waving her hand, "not survived that. Survived your OD. Are you mad that you survived that?" Alexis thought for a moment, folding her arms, chewing her lip. "...it's complicated. At first yeah, kinda. Like, I was aware I was now going to be held responsible for my actions, albeit my actions that weren't intentional, and that I'd have to answer for what happened. I was mad about dealing with the consequences of an even accidental overdose. That being said, it starts to dwindle the longer I've been back in the world of the living. I don't feel as mad now. There's twinges, moments where I wish I had just died, hadn't been found, because it feels as though death would be easier and more preferable to anything else, and that getting sober is hard and dealing with life is impossible, but on the whole, not really. Not now." "That's good to hear," Geena replied, smiling, handing Alexis her root beer, which she graciously accepted and took a long drink from as Geena continued, "I should've done more, like, to prevent you from even going down that road." "Don't say that," Alexis said, "First of all, I'm responsible for my own decisions, okay. Secondly, drugs helped me more often than they hurt me. One bad incident doesn't erase all the good they did for me. People act like drug users are terrible people without recognizing that everyone takes something for something, regardless of legality. These helped me deal with my loneliness, my depression, my anxiety. In all honesty, taking drugs probably kept me from killing myself for so long, which in turn only makes the accidental OD all that more ironic when you think about it. And third, I'm your sister, not your child. I appreciate that you care, but-" "The first two, sure, but the third one," Geena said, sniffling, "I should've been there more. I could see where you were headed, and I should've done more to try and prevent it at least. Even if you hadn't listened, I would've at least had tried, you know? You're my sister, not my kid, yeah, but that doesn't make you any less important to me, and I'm so sorry that we weren't closer after everything that happened at home." A long pause as the boat drifted gently on the waters, and they could hear some seagulls overhead. "I'm sorry I did stop him from hurting you," Geena said. "He was gonna hit me no matter what you did," Alexis remarked, "nobody could've stopped him." "I was their favorite, they might've listened to me, but I was so afraid of losing that favoritism that I didn't do anything. They played us against one another because they our strength in numbers could do damage. That doesn't excuse my actions, but it does, if nothing else, contextualizes them, and that helps me at least. I'm sorry about mom and dad." "They need to apologize, you don't need to apologize on their behalf," Alexis said sternly, "stop letting them use you for their dirty work." Geena smiled weakly, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. Alexis handed her back her root beer, as John approached them from behind, holding up a fish on the end of his line. "You actually caught something?" Geena asked. "What can I say," John started, "I'm a-" "If you make a master baiter joke right now I'm gonna push you off this boat and not rescue you," Alexis said, interrupting, the three of them cackling. *** The living room was what one might expect from a household such as this. Nice couches covered in decorative throw pillows and quilts slung over the backs, bookshelves filled with hardbacks and the usual entertainment center setup complete with flatscreen TV and the accompanying devices that it warranted; DVR, DVD player, a game system of one kind or another. Lilian didn't know much about games, so. Ann had gotten them all glasses of iced tea and some snack crackers to share, complete with cheese and meat slices adorning the tops, and the three of them sat there, anxiously nibbling on their food, sipping their drinks, unsure of how to approach the topic of conversation. "You have a beautiful home," Lilian finally said, "I grew up in a shoddy apartment, so this is...it's nice. I'm jealous. I mean, growing up in an apartment complex comes with its charms too. You really get to know your neighbors, for one. But I would've much preferred something akin to this, obviously." "Yeah, you can see how well suburban families work out, just as Maddie," Miranda said, making Lilian grimace, before Miranda touched her leg and added, "sorry, that wasn't cool. I'm sorry." "Well, it's not without its faults," Ann said, chiming in, rattling the ice against the glass, "Lots of upkeep. In an apartment, there's at least a handyman on pay. Here we have to do everything ourselves if we don't wanna pay out of pocket. Home insurance covers some things, but not everything, certainly not rennovation. Do you get along with your mother, Lilian?" "That's a loaded question," Lilian said, chuckling anxiously, "I mean, yes and no. We're doing better, though." The front door opened and they heard someone enter the foyer. Nobody spoke. Finally, a tall, rather thin man stopped in the doorway to the living room, briefcase still in hand, and looked at everyone. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and squinted, staring at Miranda. "...oh," he said, before turning and exiting the room. They waited, heard him head down the hallway, enter another room and lock the door behind him. "That was a better reaction than I expected," Miranda said. "Well," Ann replied, "between you and your sister, he didn't really get the family he expected or hoped to have." Lilian and Miranda exchanged a look before Miranda asked, "...what about Kate?" "She's still living here, for one thing, we're paying for her therapy for her eating disorder. Anorexia is a bitch. But she's doing better, and we're proud of her. But between that and her acknowledgement of her attraction to women, can't really say Chuck is pleased as punch. It was one thing to lose what he thought was a son, but then to lose his other daughter to homosexuality? He's slowly realizing he's not going to get the life he wanted, and frankly, he deserves it. None of us got the life we wanted either, so why should he." Lilian laughed at this, which made Ann smile. Miranda stood up, excusing herself. She headed back into the foyer, stopped and looked down the hall to her fathers office, then headed up the stairs. As she approached her sisters bedroom, she knocked on the door, and when it finally opened a sliver, Kate sighed and opened the door the whole way, allowing Miranda entrance. "Wow," Miranda said, "your room looks almost the same." "Only cause I'm shit at decorating," Kate said. "I could help with that, if you wanna do something to it," Miranda said, sitting on the bed as Kate plopped herself back down in her spinning desk chair. Miranda sighed, looked down at her hands in her lap and said, "...I'm sorry. I wasn't the best sibling. I know that. I'm also sorry about what you're dealing with, your eating and stuff. You look like you're doing better though. Regardless, I should've been here to help." "Why would you, nobody else did," Kate replied. "Mom sounds proud of you, mom seems like she cares," Miranda said. "I guess," Kate said, shrugging, "...dad hates me." "It's okay, dad hates everyone," Miranda said, the both of them smirking. "For what it's worth," Kate said, "I always thought you'd make a good sister." Miranda felt herself wanting to cry, as Kate rolled over to the bed on her chair and leaned forward, hugging her. Miranda put her arms around her little sister, hugging her back. Maybe their father would come around at some point, maybe he wouldn't, didn't matter. Having her mom and sister on her side was far more preferable anyway. After all, women need to stick together. *** Alexis opened the door to her hospice room, only to find Rick sitting on her bed. She jumped, a bit startled, then laughed nervously as she shut the door behind her. Rick smiled, standing up. "Where you been?" he asked. "I saw my sister. We went for a boat ride," Alexis said, "sorry, I would've told you but it was kind of sudden and-" Rick didn't wait to hear more. He took Alex's face in his hands and kissed her. She happily kissed him back. "You smell like fish," Rick said. "Like you don't love it," Alexis replied playfully, making him laugh. "It's true, nothing like the smell of trout to get me going," he said, kissing her again. All in all, for everyone involved, things went much better than expected. Alexis hadn't conquered her fear of the water, but like getting sober, she'd taken the first step towards doing so, and Miranda knew now for certain that she'd always her mom and sister by her side to watch her back. While Alexis regaled Rick with her tales of her day on the ocean, Lilian and Miranda were driving home. Miranda was asleep in the passenger seat, and Lilian glanced over at her, smiling to herself. She thought back to her own mother, and how hard she had tried, and how much they were trying to be friends now. She promised she was going to do whatever it took to keep her safe. Lying on Alex's bed after the discussion of the day was through, holding hands, Alex rolled onto her side and rested her head on Rick's chest. He reached up with his free hand and gently stroked her hair. She shut her eyes and exhaled, allowing herself to relax. "I want to meet your sister sometime," Alexis said, and Rick nodded. "Never had a girlfriend before who actually wanted to meet my family," he said, laughing a little. But Alexis didn't respond. She'd drifted off to sleep. There'd be more time to talk tomorrow. Right now, she was dreaming, dreaming of that day on the beach, the day she almost drowned. As she walked closer to the water, preparing to be swallowed up by it yet again, she could feel Geena's hand grab her wrist and pull her away from it. Seemed like people had been pulling Alexis away from danger her whole life, and maybe, finally, she was ready to accept that others did in fact care about her well being. She used to have drugs, and that worked well for her for a while. But maybe, now, it was time to have more. "I wish we were meeting under better circumstances," Principal Greensburg said, pushing some of her somewhat frizzy black hair from her face; she had only been principal for a brief time, but she was the youngest the school had ever had, not to mention the first African American principal, and Lilian, on the rare occasions she had to interact with her, had found her nothing if not charming and delightful to be around. Today, however...
"I can't say what the circumstances are until I'm told what happened," Lilian replied. Both women then turned their gaze to Maddie, who had pulled her backpack closer to her chest, hugging it tightly, keeping her eyes glued to the ground. Something had clearly happened, and it had been so bad that Lilian, stated as Maddie's parental figure on her schoolwork, had to be called in, but Lilian was willing to give Maddie the benefit of the doubt. "Well," Principal Greensburg continued, "the last week or so we've been having some issues with Maddison and her attitude towards another student, a girl named Ashley Banks. Typically these sorts of issues would be kept to school grounds, dealt with internally, but it's reached the point where we feel outside interaction is required, especially after what happened today." "And what happened today?" Lilian asked, starting to feel nervous. "Do you want to tell her?" Principal Greensburg asked, looking at Maddie, and Maddie shook her head, so the principal sighed, then added, "she beat Ashley up. And not...not in the kind of way that girls typically beat one another up, with some scratches and hair pulling. I mean she literally beat her up. Ashley had to go home she was suffering so much." Lilian rubbed her forehead and slumped in her chair. This was the LAST thing she needed right now. *** Vera was sitting behind her desk at the company office, her first time actually being in the office in what felt like months. Lately, if she could find a way to do her work from home, she took it, and thankfully since it was mostly payroll and paperwork, she could. But today she couldn't do her work from home. Today she had a meeting. She'd even gotten to the office earlier than usual, much earlier in fact, to clean it head to toe and make it as presentable as possible for her guest. She wanted them to be impressed. She needed them to be impressed. As she finished dusting off the fake plant in the corner by her desk, she heard the door open and she quickly rushed to her chair, trying to look as casual as possible, something Vera was not typically good at. The door swung fully open, and in walked her guest, Mrs. Helena Langdon. Mrs. Langdon looked like someone straight out of a successful business magazine. She had the suit, the gait, the overall attitude. Hell, she even had the expensive atache case. She approached the desk and sat down, crossing her legs immediately and setting the case down by the feet of her chair. She reached up, undid her hair that was pulled back tightly and let it fall around her shoulders, something Vera had not been expecting. "I...I have to say you're both exactly who I envisioned and not at all who I envisioned," Vera said, breaking the silence. "I could say the same for you," Mrs. Langdon replied, "after all, why did you rent out an entire building for a business that only has maybe 6 employees?" "I'm a bit of a traditionalist," Vera remarked, shrugging, laughing nervously, "I always liked the idea of being the one in charge of a big company. Plus, it was either this, or meet at one anothers apartments for things and that...that's not exactly a great idea." "There's a third option, one you're overlooking," Mrs. Langdon said sternly, "you're in the 21st century. You have the internet. You can run an entire business like this purely online, via app based communication. All you need to do is get someone to create the app for you, and then you can communicate with your employees on a one to one basis, while also letting people hire you all through it for whatever they need." "That just feels so...impersonal." "You're a business," Mrs. Langdon said, "it's supposed to be impersonal." Vera shrugged. She'd always thought that the thing people liked about their company was the fact that they didn't really behave like a company. There was no stoicism to them at all, like they acted as if they didn't care about their customers. If anything, the number one compliment they usually got was just how much those hired cared and did their best to make the party a success, and many times, even offering to stay after and help clean up. Vera didn't want to lose that goodwill. "Listen," Mrs. Langdon said, "you called me, okay? I'm just here to offer suggestions and perhaps buy your company at above market value." "Above market?" "I see the potential in what you all do," Mrs. Langdon continued, "there's a necessity for it. You're niche, but you're not so niche that you can't be financially viable. Everyone has parties. Everyone's got a birthday, got a graduation, you name it. So there's always a need for what you do. There's a market here for sure. Tell me, who is your most successful employee by ranking?" "Well," Vera said, sighing, "surprisingly, it's the one we've had the most trouble with internally." *** "Where are we going?" Alexis asked as she looked out the passenger side window of John's car. "I'm taking you to meet someone," John said flatly, "so just sit back and enjoy the ride." Alexis sighed and did as she was told, just watching the streets go by. Truthfully, she hadn't had the best week. She hadn't been doing so great in therapy, unable to work through certain issues, and Rick had been avoiding her a bit for some reason - he claimed he was doing certain activities at the hospital and she didn't want to call him a liar but she had her doubts, thanks to how everyone had treated her - so she wasn't really in the greatest mood. When John showed up for his usual lunch date, he could see she was pained, so he decided to take her somewhere, whether she wanted to or not. The thing was, and she wouldn't tell him this, Alexis had begun to have doubts about her life after the hospital. Did she really want to return to the company? Did she really want to work for Vera again? And what about Rick? Rick had been the best thing in her life in many years, maybe even ever aside from John, and she didn't know how to handle the fact that she might be released before him and they might not be able to be as together as they were able to right now. This worried her deeply. She really liked Rick, and she didn't want to lose that. "I saw your sister recently," John said, surprising her, finally getting Alexis to look at him. "...what? Why?" "Well, to be fair, she showed up at my trailer park unannounced, it wasn't like we were having secret meetings behind your back," John said, "I would've been rude if I'd just turned her away, so. Anyway, she told me a bit about your parents and stuff, about the drowning incident. I'm sorry your folks sucked so much." "Eh, what's it matter? I'm an adult now, I shouldn't care," Alexis muttered. "Yeah, but you do. Because that's the thing, you don't stop wanting stuff you never got. You just want it harder, if anything. But there's also nothing wrong with that, and really I feel like that's a natural reaction to have. To double down on the want that you so required to begin with," John said as they pulled into the parking lot of the hospice. Alexis's eyes wandered around the outdoor facilities and then she turned to look John in the eyes. "Where are we?" she asked. "There's someone I want you to meet," John said, unstrapping his seatbelt. Together, he and Alexis climbed out of the car and headed towards the entrance. Upon entering, he was greeted with kindness and enthusiasm, as was Alexis simply for being his guest. They continued further in, down the hall and into an elevator, where he pressed the corresponding floor keys. "You took me from one hospital to go to another hospital?" Alex asked, "that sounds kinda counterproductive, don't you think?" John laughed and shook his head. The elevator reached its floor, and they exited, Alexis still following John down the hall until he reached the room. He put his hand on the doorknob, then stopped and looked at Alexis. Neither one said anything, and John pulled his hand slowly off the doorknob, and instead put his hands on her shoulders. "If you think that you're in the wrong for wanting a life you can't have because your parents fucked you over," he said, "then maybe this will help you understand just how okay it is to want that." And with that, he turned back to the door and opened it, revealing Stars living quarters. She was seated cross legged on her bed in her shirt and shorts, doing a small puzzle on a TV tray, and smiled so brightly the second she saw her father in the doorway. She leapt up from the bed and ran across the room, throwing herself against him. He just laughed and hugged her back, and Alexis...Alexis just stood dumbfounded. She still didn't understand what John was trying to show her, but come the end of the day, she would. And she'd feel all the better for it. *** Lilian wasn't having a good afternoon. Sitting in the principals office, waiting for her to return - she'd been temporarily called out to a classroom for something - she wanted to ask Maddie why this was happening. What this girl, Ashley, could've done or said that was so wrong that warranted an out and out beating. In Maddie's defense, she had a lot to be angry about, and at this point any reason to snap was likely somewhat justified, but still. Lilian sighed and ran her hands down her face. "...what was it?" she finally asked, looking at Maddison, adding, "what was so henious that you had to send a girl home?" "....it...it doesn't matter," Maddie whispered. "No, but it does, Maddie, it does matter. I know you're going through a lot, okay? Your father's recovery, your mothers justified incarceration, getting your first period, like...hell, kid. You've got reasons to be angry at the world. But there's healthy and there's unhealthy ways to cycle through that anger, and literally beating the hell out of someone is one of the unhealthiest you can indulge in this side of self destructive behavior." Maddie sunk lower in her chair and let her hair cover her eyes. Lilian sighed again, reaching out and putting a hand on her knee. "I'm sorry," Lilian said quietly, "I'm getting too 'mom' like, and...and it must be uncomfortable and-" "No, I...I like it," Maddie said, "it's...nice to have a mom. I don't think my mom ever really acted like a mom the way you do, so it's nice to have that for once. It's nice to feel like someone gives a crap about me." "Kiddo, if I didn't give a crap about you, you wouldn't be living with me," Lilian said, chuckling. Lilian and Maddie both had had somewhat disconnected mothers, but the difference was that, even in spite of her aloofness, Lilian's mother never had any negative intentions for her daughter. The same could obviously not be said for Maddie's mother. Perhaps that was why Lilian was so capable of being what Maddie needed, and she was happy she was succeeding. Every kid deserves a supportive adult in their life, even if only just one. The door to the office opened and the principal came back in, seating herself again. "Sorry for the delay," she said, "anyway, I wanted to discuss what we think would be appropriate disciplinary action." "Frankly," Lilian said, "...I'd like to discuss why you feel the need to discipline someone defending themselves." This response caught both Maddie and the principal off guard, and Maddie had to hide her sudden smile. *** Vera was anxious. She was tapping her pen against her desk while Helena Langdon looked through her atache case for some papers. Vera had never thought about selling the company back to, well, a company. She didn't want it in the hands of a traditional company that cared about profits over employees. She much preferred to leave it in the hands of someone who was more familiar with running a business that didn't run its workers into the ground for monetary net worth. After a moment, Vera realized she was chewing on the pen, and then set it down nervously, feeling embarrassed, but when she looked up, she noticed Helena smirking. "You don't have to feel shy about your nervous tics," she said, "I used to do the same thing. When I was still in business school, I'd get so anxious about having interviews, even the fake ones for classes, that I'd chew my nails down so much to the point where I was often mistaken for a lesbian just becase of how short they were." "That's stereotyping," Vera chuckled, "did you manage to quit doing it?" "Eventually, but it took a lot of force of will," Helena said, finally placing some papers onto Vera's desk and adding, "the real trick, I discovered, was to redirect that anxiety elsewhere, to another outlet. In my case, that turned out to be chewing gum. Now I just keep a pack of gum on my person at all times, and so instead of chewing my nails, I just chew gum. It's a much better solution that most people come up with; others attempt to substitute with smoking, sexual activities, but I find that that just creates more problems. Chewing gum never caused anyone any issues." "Unless it gets in your hair," Vera remarked, making Helena laugh. "Right, well, there's downsides to everything I suppose," she said, "now, if you want to get this deal going, these are the first papers you'll need to read through, sign and get back to me. And please don't hesitate to ask about any changes to anything you see in there that you feel isn't right for you, or the company. I'm a business woman, but unlike the others in my field, I'm not trying to screw over those I intend to help. It's a partnership, plain and simple, like any other transactional relationship in life. It needs to be equal, fifty fifty." Vera smiled big. She hadn't expected to get so lucky in finding someone so good to run the company, and she was more than pleased at the person she'd managed to unearth. If nothing else, at the end of it all, Vera could step down as owner and be confident that everything and everyone would be in good hands. For the first time in a handful of years...Vera felt hopeful for the future, especially her own. *** John and Alexis were sitting in Star's room as she napped on her bed, hugging her favorite seahorse plush to her chest. John was eating out of a bag of sunflower seeds, which he shared with Alexis, who happily took a handful. After a few moments of quiet chewing, Alexis finally spoke. "I don't get it," she said, "why did you bring me here?" "Because like you, Alexis, my daughter was screwed over by her parents, most specifically my wife. She took away the chance she could've had at a 'normal' life, and as such, took away what she and I could've had had she not become this. Don't let that confuse you, I'm not at all disappointed with how she is now. I'm so happy she's here, and I love her to death. But the fact is she didn't get what she needed, which was parental stability, same as you. I'm doing my best to give you both that, but I also want you to know that it's okay to be angry about it. Star is sometimes. Every now and then she'll tell me she wished she could go to school, or have friends, and just be 'normal', and I have to remind her that she is normal, this is her normal. Everyones lived reality is their normal. And you're normal too, Alex." Alexis wanted to cry. She had seen John as a father figure, but she didn't know he was an actual father, and now it all made sense why he was so good at it, because he was actually a dad to a daughter. Alexis looked back towards Star's bed and watched her shift in her sleep. John was right, she knew. Who she was, drug problems and all, were just who she was. And even though she had no intention to go back to that person, and instead wanted to stick the course on her rehab, she realized it was time to stop feeling bad about it. To stop feeling about wanting a regular adolescence with good parents. "...I'd like to legally adopt you," John said, "if you'd still want that." "I would," Alexis said, sniffling, trying to hold back tears. "Then we'll get started on that asap," John said, "every adulthood deserves a childhood, even if it's a little late." It was funny, Alexis thought, for someone who played a clown, John made her cry far more often than he made her laugh. *** "I'm sorry, what do you mean?" Principal Greensburg asked. "I mean here's a girl whose mother MURDERED a child at her birthday party, then attempted to kill her father after he has a heart attack, and you expect her to behave socially acceptably? I mean, I get it, school has rules and yes, violence is often not justified, but there are extenuating circumstances in certain situations. Let me guess, Ashley gets go home to a house with two supportive, loving parents and never wonder why her mother didn't want her, right? You're the principal, you've met these people, tell me." Principal Greensburg cleared her throat, clearly feeling nervous now and cupped her hands on her desk again. "Y-yes, she does, yes, her parents are both successful people in their careers, and often go the extra mile for her. They donate to the school, they chaperone, they do what they can," Principal Greensburg said, "but just because one student has it better than others doesn't entitle the lesser lucky student to behave this way." "I'm not saying it entitles them to, no; it's contextual, not actionable. Explanation doesn't equate justification," Lilian said, "and yes, by the rules set by the district, Maddie should face some kind of disciplinary charges, but you need to also recognize that these are unusual circumstances that not every student is dealing with. I just think it isn't fair to say she's the only bad one in this situation." "It wasn't even about me," Maddie said, finally speaking, causing both Lilian and Principal Greensburg to look towards her as she added, "...it was about you." "...me?" Lilian asked, "What do you mean?" "She said I was going to become a queer like you," Maddie said, "but in...not so nice terms." "Oh, I see," Lilian said, "and that upset you?" "Of course it did, because first of all that isn't a problem, you're the coolest person I've ever known, and secondly, who you love isn't a problem, because unlike my mom you don't try to kill your partner. If anything, you and Miranda probably have the healthiest relationship I've ever seen, and if I do turn out like that, then that's great, cause while Ashley will be miserable married to some guy who gives her 3 children then starts to hate her when she isn't pretty anymore, I'll be happy with whoever it is I wind up being with because I had a good role model. Nobody gets to talk that way about me, or about you." Lilian wanted to cry. She wanted to grab Maddie and squeeze her so tight and just cry for joy. After all the effort she'd put into helping this little girl, Maddie was finally repaying the favor, and although Lilian always knew she and Maddie were friends, were close, this was the defining moment that she realized just how much of a parent to her she'd really become. Maddie was willing to throw down to protect her honor. Lilian really felt like a princess. "So rampant and open homophobia is perfectly okay at your school?" Lilian asked, finally looking back at Principal Greensburg, "because that's what it's starting to sound like. Like because little miss perfects parents donate and help out, she gets a free pass to be vile and spread her vitriol anywhere she wants. Is that what's going on here? Because if so, let me know, so I can start looking for another school." "Obviously that isn't the case, and had I known what Ashley had said, I would've spoken to her parents about her choices in dialogue," Principal Greensburg, "I assure you were are a very open and inclusive school-" "Because you believe in it, or because you're legally forced to be?" Lilian asked, interrupting her, "because there is a difference." "Miss Phillips, I don't think we-" "No, I don't think we need to sit here and listen to anymore of this. Somebody isn't going to take blame for defending themselves, defending those they love, while some brat gets to walk free with, at best, a scraped knee or a broken nose and continue to be openly hateful towards those she finds below her," Lilian said, standing up and taking Maddie by the hand, "because you might be a school, but it seems to me the only thing you're teaching is that it's okay to be cruel to others, and frankly, that just isn't the kind of environment I want for my kid." With that, Lilian turned and left the room, tugging Maddie behind her. Once outside the office, Lilian leaned against the wall and sighed, running her hands down her face, wanting to scream. Suddenly, she felt Maddie hug her around the waist, and she smiled, reached down and stroked her hair. "Come on," Lilian said, "let's go get ice cream. This day calls for ice cream." "I'm gonna get rainbow sprinkles in solidarity," Maddie said, smirking. "Alright, now you're just makin fun of me," Lilian remarked, the both of them chuckling. Sometimes the best mothers and the best daughters aren't related at all. Here's the thing about Jane Phillips...she never really intended to be a mom.
That wasn't to say that, when the time came she didn't fully embrace and appreciate it, she did the absolute best she could, but it had never exactly been a goal for her. Jane had never been exactly...steady....mentally enough to have a child, but once Lilian arrived, she didn't try and weasel out of the responsibility. If anything, she did the opposite. She enrolled Lilian - with the financial help of her own parents - into the best preschool they had around, and then to a private elementary school. She made sure Lilian knew how to read, teaching her herself, getting books from the library out together and reading them in bed at night. She never scolded, she never threatened, she never talked down to. Sure, sometimes they had arguments, but she never said anything hateful or hurtful or damaging. Standing in the kitchen, pouring herself a glass of juice and waiting for her pancakes to bubble, she saw the car pull up out front and quickly abandoned all other things to attend to the fact that her daughter had just pulled up to her house. Here's the thing about Jane Phillips...she never really intended to be a mom. But once she was, she made sure to try and be the best damn mom she could. *** "That's heavy, man," Alexis said, and Maddie nodded. Alex, Lilian, Rina and Maddie were seated in the diner, in a booth, having breakfast. Lilian had just gone to pick Maddie up from her fathers, and after Maddie told her what her mother had told her father, and what her father had, in turn, told her, Lilian knew she needed other people to hear it. Alexis picked up her toast and took a bite out of it. This was one of her free days - she got a few every month to try to acclimate herself back into society - so she was able to get out of the hospital that morning when Lilian came to pick her up as well. Rina just stared dead eyed at Maddie while mindlessly sipping her coffee. "She never came off as right in the head," Rina said, "no offense." "Please, I have no interest in defending her," Maddie replied. "So all those hunches, about your father being poisoned, I mean obviously we knew it was true but now it's like undeniable, right?" Alexis asked, "cause she just flat out admitted to attempted murder of her own spouse." "Are there any adults you can trust?" Maddie asked glumly. "You trust us, right?" Alexis asked, "well, the others. I'm not so much an adult, but you know what I mean." This made Maddie laugh a little, and that felt good. She hadn't laughed in what felt like ages. Lilian stood up, excusing herself from the table before heading to the hall where the bathrooms were. She stopped in the hallway and pulled some change from her pocket, pumping coins into the payphone and making a call. A call she didn't really want to make. A call to her mother. The phone rang a few times, and finally Jane answered, sounding out of breath. "Hello?" she asked. "Mom? Are you okay?" Lilian asked. "I was in the garage and came running when the phone rang, I'm just out of breath...and also out of shape," Jane said, making Lilian smile. "Mom, I have a favor to ask..." she said. Meanwhile, back at the table, Alexis finished her toast and sipped her coffee, sighing as she set the mug back down. "Look, my parents were awful, ARE awful," Alex said, "like...they didn't give a shit whether me or my siblings lived or died, except maybe my sister Geena. But they certainly didn't give a flat fart about me, that's for damn sure. I once almost drowned at the beach and they just went along with their day, business as usual. Parents are a crapshoot, often because birth is like the genetic lottery. You just are brought into this world, against your will, and then whoever it turns out you're assigned to can range from amazing to outright shitbag. You're lucky in that at least your father is pretty good. You could've had it worse. You could've had my parents. Granted they never tried to kill eachother, but still. Purposeful negligence is almost as bad as malicious intent." Maddie nodded, listening, but not looking up from the table. Alexis had a point, she couldn't deny it. She had always thought that she had a good family, maybe not a great family exactly, but a decent enough one. But now she could see it for what it was, an out and out lie. Just a performance. But she did have her father, and he clearly loved her to death. He was trying so hard to be the best dad he could be for her. Just then Lilian came back to the table, grabbed her coat and took Maddie by the wrist, tugging her from the booth. "We have to go do something," Lilian said, "See y'all later." As they exited hastily, Alexis looked at Rina, who raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Did she just say 'y'all'?" Rina asked. "She's been spending too much time around Tyler," Alex replied. *** "Wow, that's...that's a lot," Jane said softly. She was seated on the end of her bed as Lilian paced in front of her, Maddie waiting in the living room. "I just...I thought maybe she would feel better to talk to a mom who...who...didn't try to kill her family members," Lilian said, "I don't exactly know what to say or do to help her, and you're the only person I could think of that might. She needs an adult, a real honest to god adult, not just someone like me or my friends who are still on the cusp of burdgeoning responsibility. She needs someone with life experience. She needs....you, mom. We need you." "Well, you know I've always offered to help if I can," Jane said, "let's go out there, sit with her, chat and see what we can come away with, alright? The worst that can come from it is that she doesn't feel better, but she could never feel worse, so that's good." With that, Jane stood up, pulled her hair back into a ponytail and, with Lilian, headed out of the bedroom, down the hall and to the living room where they found Maddie sitting on the couch, looking at a book she'd pulled off a nearby shelf. As they entered, she turned her head and glanced at them. "You sure have a lot of books about the arts," Maddie said, "especially ballet." "I love dance," Jane replied, "I wanted to be a dancer when I was a little girl, but my parents wouldn't spring for lessons. They thought the arts were frivilous indulgements, but that didn't kill my interest. I read all I could, practiced when I had the chance. Never got to actually get around to doing anything with it, but it's still a passion of mine. Do you have anything in particular that you believe in, love to do, more than anything else in the world?" Maddie thought about this for a few moments, then shook her head. "I don't...I don't think I ever really...got the chance to find anything," she said quietly, "my whole life was just school and being at home with my parents. I used to be in girl scouts, but that didn't last, and I never really had any friends, but not because nobody wanted to be but because I thought my parents were enough for me. Then I met Lily, and...I guess I realized that you don't have friends just because you want them, but you become friends with the people that really understand and accept you. Which, until then, was nobody." Jane glanced at Lilian, who was seated in a chair across from the couch, and smiled at her. Lilian just shrugged. "I like what we do together, the whole party thing," Maddie said, "but I can't say it's exactly what I wanna do my whole life, no offense." "None taken, I'm with you on that," Lilian said. "But, I'm still not sure what I would do if I had a choice," Maddie said, "I feel like I don't really know who I am. I think I spent so much time just seeing myself as my parents kid, that I never thought to, you know...be a person. Is that weird?" "Not at all," Jane said, putting a hand on Maddie's shoulder, "and we'll gladly help you." Lilian smiled warmly. She had had her doubts, as her relationship with her mother had always been somewhat rocky and shifting, but she knew that deep down she did care about others, and Lilian. That she really did like to help when and if she could. It was nice to see her try and do the right thing, even if she felt a bit jealous that she hadn't listened to Lilian herself this way when she had been a child. *** Alexis was walking down the hall of the hospital, heading to her room, when she heard shoes coming up behind her and was happy to see Rick walking alongside her now. She smiled and handed the open container from the diner to him. He gladly accepted, taking half of the sandwich she had in there and biting into it as they kept walking. "Where you been?" Rick asked. "I had a free day, so I went out with a friend for breakfast," Alexis said, "why, you miss me?" "God, am I that transparent?" Rick asked, making her blush; he continued eating the sandwich as she looked at her shoes while they went down the hall together. "Next time I have a free day, or you do, or whatever, maybe..." Alexis said, trailing off. She'd never once in her life struggled to talk to someone like this, and she wasn't used to it, nor did she like it, but finally she managed to continue, "...maybe we could go do something together. Kind of, like...a date, I guess. I mean, if you wanna do that, date me, or, fuck. I don't even know what it is I'm saying. I've never dealt with these kinds of feelings before." "I wanna show you something," Rick said, taking her by the wrist and leading her to his room. Once inside he locked the door, then instructed her to sit down in a chair, which she did. He then approached a covered up easel, and, grabbing at the end of the sheet over it, tugged it off and revealed a painting. A painting of her. A painting that looked like it'd been done by a professional with years of experience. "Did...did you pay someone to do this?" Alexis asked. "No! I did this!" Rick said, laughing, "when my sister and I were growing up, our folks threw a lot of money at us, hobby wise, so we both got really into painting, sculpting, whatever. That's part of why she's a baker now. Cause that was one of the ones that clicked for her most. I always liked painting though. Did it for years. I always...I always found it was a good alternative to keep myself off drugs. Even though I, ya know, always wound up back on drugs." "It's beautiful," Alexis whispered. "Well, that's cause you're beautiful," Rick said, approaching her, kneeling in front of the chair and taking her hands in his own, adding, "I would absolutely love to go out with you the next time we both have a free day, yes. I'll ask my sister for some money, so I can take you somewhere nice and-" "We don't need to go anywhere nice, I'm a pretty easy going lady," Alexis said, snickering, "believe me, I won't say no to fast food." "Yeah, sure, neither would I, but I feel like you've never been treated to something, and you deserve to be," Rick said, surprising her; he finally looked up from their hands at her face and smiled, "you really deserve to be. I wanna do that for you, please." Alexis nodded, then looked over her shoulder at the door. "That locked well?" she asked. "Yeah, why?" "Cause I wanna make out, and I don't wanna be interrupted," she said, making Rick laugh. *** "The kid'll be okay," Jane said. She and Lilian were standing in the kitchen, washing a few dishes while Maddie sat outside on a tree swing. Lilian wiped off a mug and handed it to her mother, clearing her throat as she gripped yet another mug and started the cycle over again. "How come you never did that for me?" Lilian asked, "talked that openly, encouraged me to do pursue my own interests?" "I did the best I could, Lily," Jane said, turning to face her, "I...I didn't expect to be a mom. It wasn't on my itinerary, believe me. And my own folks were...well, let's just say I didn't have much experience to pull from, example wise. I screwed up, I know that, but I tried. I tried so hard. I hope you believe me. All I wanted was for you to feel special, like you were the best, and for everyone else to see it too." Lilian handed her mom this new mug and she put it aside with the other clean dishes. Lilian then sighed, set her washclothe down on the countertop and turned to look at her mother, who turned back to look at her. Neither woman said anything, but Lilian wanted to. She had so many things she wanted to say. "I'm an adult and I don't know what I want to do," Lilian said, on the verge of tears, "I...I like what I do, but it isn't something I wanna do forever. But I also don't know what else I want to do. Like Maddie, I don't really know who I am or what I'm really interested in. It's like I grew up into a blank template of a person. Like I'm an uncolored page from a coloring book. All the pieces are there, but nothing is filled in. It...it's hard to know what...who...I am." "You're my daughter," Jane said, "but that's an identifier, not an identity. It's just a place to start, to grow from. You might be my child, but you're your own adult. Start with that." Jane put her hand son Lilian's arms, then pulled her in for a hug. "I really did try my best," she whispered. "I know mom," Lilian replied, "we all did." By the time Lilian and Maddie were leaving, it had started raining lightly. Jane sent them home with some food, and even gave Maddie a few books of her choosing on subjects she was possibly interested in. As Lilian drove, she couldn't help but think that this was the single most productive instance of interacting with her mother in maybe her entire life, and it all came thanks to Maddie. She pulled up to a red light and stopped the car, the windshield wipers squeaking gently. She glanced over at Maddie, looking out the window. "You okay?" Lilian asked. "She killed a child. A child my age. She meant to kill my father. She might've even tried to kill me if she'd succeeded. She told me she never really wanted to have me. My mother kills people. But, if today taught me anything, it's that I might not know what I wanna be, but I do know what I don't wanna be," Maddie said. "And what's that?" "My mother." "Well," Lilian said, "that's certainly a start." |
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A young woman named Lilian Phillips, who plays a princess at birthday parties, befriends a little girl who had a child die at her own birthday party. Archives
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