Brian had to almost wonder if he'd just hallucinated what he'd heard. His eyes wide, his mouth slackjawed, he couldn't even fathom what his soon to be ex-wife Jessie had said. He just stared dead ahead at her, unsure of how to even parse the information. After a few minutes, he started looking absentmindedly around at everything alse nearby and then finally his eyesight landed back on hers, and she just looked away.
"Come again?" he finally asked. "I said it was meant for you," Jessie said quietly. "That's what I thought you said," Brian said. An impasse. How does one even go forward from an admission of that caliber? He shook his head slowly, running his hands through his hair as Jessie crossed her legs. Brian finally looked back at her, chewing on his nails anxiously. He couldn't believe it. After all the years they'd been together, having a child together, a seemingly okay marriage, and now this? He didn't even know how to respond or react. Part of him wanted to storm out. Part of him wanted to shriek and scream. Part of him wanted to just simply break down and cry uncontrollably, because...because how does one react when they learn their spouse had tried to kill them? No, not the poisoning. He'd suspected that. But this was an admission of attempted murder long before that. Back during Maddie's birthday party. He finally looked back at her, and still couldn't find the words. Would he ever? That would remain to be seen, but he'd try. After all, he only had so much time for visitation. *** "Okay, now you go," Rick said, handing Alexis his glass soda bottle. She took a long swig, wiped her mouth on her arm and then nodded, watching and waiting. "I spy, with my little eye, someone with a very clear meth addiction," Alexis said, and Rick cackled as he started to scope out the potential candidate. Alexis had to admit, ever since meeting Rick, her enjoyment in rehab had certainly improved threefold. At first she felt so alone, so ignored or misunderstood, but now she had someone on her side - other than John, of course - and that helped so much. "That lady right there," Rick said, pointing towards a young woman pulling her hair ends into her mouth and chewing on them. Alex nodded, and they both started laughing. She handed him back his soda and he took a long drink, then burped, which made Alex laugh more. Was it morally correct to make fun of others here, who maybe weren't doing as well as they seemed to be? No, not really, but they didn't care. Whatever helped them get through the day. Besides, it wasn't like they weren't self degrading enough as it was to make up the difference. "So, you got any plans for when you get out?" Rick asked, and Alexis laughed. "I don't know, man, the world might've changed so much during my time on the inside, I might not manage to get accustomed to it," she remarked, making him cackle again; she loved making him laugh, but she did answer his question, saying, "Actually, I'll probably just go back to work, honestly. I love my coworkers and what I do." "And what is it you do?" Rick asked. "I dress up as a pirate for themed parties," Alexis said, "it's a pretty good job, honestly." "You've got total pirate vibes, I could see it," Rick said, making Alexis blush as she looked down at her shoes. Rick put his hand on hers on the cement ledge of the flower planter they were sitting on, and she blushed even harder. Part of her hated herself, she had never let a guy get to her like this before, but Rick was not the ordinary guy she ran into. Not some creep or weirdo. He was...just a mess like her, and not shy about it. And he was here, clearly trying to get better. She admired that. With her free hand, she pushed her hair back behind her ear and looked over at him, noticing he was looking at her. "What?" she asked. "Nothing," he said, "nothing just...sitting here in front of the flowers, it doesn't seem very fair, you know? Forcing them to compete with you." Alexis giggled like an idiot and looked away again, which made him grin. He then squeezed her hand and she squeezed back happily. Turned out rehab had become the best thing to happen to her, and not even for the reasons one would expect. *** "How about this?" Rina asked, holding up a long, sleek black dress with wispy tears at the bottom and at the ends of the sleeves. Lilian chewed on her lip, admiring it for a moment, before shaking her head. Rina looked at it and then looked back at Lilian and asked, "why not? What's wrong with it?" "It's too....college girl trying to be a slutty witch for Halloween sort of thing. Which, I mean, good for her, she should own her sexuality, but it wouldn't fit for what you're trying to do," Lilian said, "we're doing parties for kids mostly, not trying to get laid at a mixer like Janet." "Janet?" "She's the slutty witch at college," Lilian said. "Do you just always make up people for your explanations?" Rina asked, chuckling as she slid the dress back on a hanger and placed it back on the rack, searching for another. "Sad thing is," Lilian said, "she's not even the biggest problem in their house. I mean, don't get me wrong, her parents are exactly comfortable with her flaunting her newfound sexual freedom or anything, but it's the 21st century. They're used to liberated, independent women. They're far more concerned with her little brother, who's a cheerleader with murderous interests." "What is wrong with you?" Rina asked, the both of them cracking up; she then made a squealing noise as she yanked another dress from the rack and showing it to Lilian. This was was a little more shapeless, but still hugged the hips to keep it on her, and had a v-neck but wasn't a plunging neckline. Rina shook her head, almost in a "do you accept it?" sort of manner. "That's...not bad, actually," Lilian said, "But we need to find a hat to go with it. Let's go see if we could find a hat." Together, Lilian and Rina headed off to the hat department of the costume shop, dress hung over Rina's arm as they walked. "How did you find your costume?" Rina asked, and Lilian sighed. "Actually," she said, "my main one, my favorite one, was hand stitched by my grandmother for my mothers high school prom. But she made it too elegant, too much like a princess dress, and my mother refused to wear it. When I told my grandma about what I wanted to do for work, she dug it out of the attic and gave it to me, happy to see it being useful after all." "That's a nice story," Rina said, smiling, reaching out and grabbing a witch hat, plopping it on her head and asking, "What about this?" "That's the kind of hat Janet would wear, come on," Lilian said. "I think Janet has good taste then!" Rina remarked, the both of them cracking up. Lilian had always liked Rina, and likewise the other way around, but aside from their tenuous attachement to Maddie at best, they'd never really had a reason to hang out. Rina was honestly, frustrating as it might be, happy about her money troubles if only because it meant now she got the chance to really get to know Lilian as a friend, and that's something she'd always really wanted. Lilian had just accepted Rina at face value, and not based on her parents wealth, or her race, or anything else. She just took her as she was, and that was something Rina wasn't often given, so when she was, she was appreciative of it. And she also liked how well Lilian treated Maddie, and now, seeing them live together the way they were, she really was happy their paths had all crossed the way they had. "Well, I think I need a broom," Rina said, "It'll help actually cause it won't be just a prop but after the party I can help clean up and maybe get a bigger tip." "That's...not a bad idea, actually," Lilian said, "Let's go find a broom. Just...try not to be all Janet about it." "Is Janet based on a real person?" Rina asked, "because this all oddly extremely specific." *** "It wasn't meant to get mixed in," Jessie said, sitting in the awkward, uncomfortable silence of their conjugal meeting room; she wiped at her red eyes and continued, her voice shaky, "uh...that was an accident. I kept it separate because I wanted to give it to you specifically, a sort of 'hey, I know you like these' kind of thing, but then one of the other women at the house that day thought it had just been left behind so she put it into the pinata." "Why didn't the coroner notice it was poisoned?" Brian asked, "I mean, wouldn't that have shown up on bloodwork results during an autosopy?" "I was as surprised as you are about that, actually, but I think because the kid had a peanut allergy, and it did happen to have peanuts in it, they took that as fact," Jessie said, "Honestly, I was shocked. I was sure they would find that. But I guess it was just overlooked." Brian sighed and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. "Why would you wanna kill me, Jess? What did I do to you?" "It isn't...it isn't about what you did to me," Jessie replied, "um...I just didn't see another way out. A divorce would be a longed, dragged out process that would scar Maddie for life-" "And her father dying wouldn't?" he asked snappily. "-and you made more money than me, let's be honest, and I wouldn't have been given custody, not that I would've wanted it anyway," Jess said, "I didn't want a child. You did. I only gave into it because...because I thought if I didn't, you wouldn't want to stay married to me. But then she comes along, and you give her all your spare attention, and...I don't know. Maybe I'm just really sick in the head." "That's a factor, certainly," Brian said, "but it's just that, a factor, not a full on explanation. You don't get to get off that easily after doing something so monstrous. You say you didn't wanna scar Maddison, then you, inadvertantly, kill a kid at her birthday party and then poison her father after he has a heart attack. I mean, if you didn't want her, what would you have done once I was gone? Dumped her on a relative or something?" Jessie shrugged and looked away again. She couldn't look Brian in the eye. "...you could've just wanted to leave," Brian continued, "I would've let you. If you were that unhappy, I would've given you a substantial amount to survive on til you got on your feet, you wouldn't have had to take Maddie with you, none of this would've happened. You could've just left, Jess. But I'm glad you didn't." "You are?" "Yeah, I'm glad you did what you did, cause now the whole fuckin' world knows what kind of desperate person you are, and the lengths you'll go to get what you want. You're self obsessed, and nobody with that amount of ego should be able to walk freely among others. You're a risk to the public. I don't know what happened to the woman I met, the woman I loved, but you aren't her." A long pause, and Jessie sighed, nodding. "You're right, I'm not," she said. And that was the moment they acknowledge their marriage was truly over. *** Alexis and Rick were still outside, now sitting on a bench. Well, Rick was sitting on the bench, Alex was laying on it with her head in his lap. The sun was starting to go down, and they'd have to head back inside anytime now, but for the moment, this was a small creature comfort they could enjoy together. "...I hate sunsets," Alexis said, making Rick almost spit out his drink in laughter. "God, you're like an anti romantic!" he said, making her chuckle. "I just...I don't like knowing that another day is coming, you know? When you live with depression, especially depression as serious as I have, it's hard to wanna continue to see another day. You fight just to get through every 24 hour period as it is, and...and when you finally get through it, you're like, well, here comes another one, oh boy. Don't get me wrong, they're beautiful, but they're representative of the future. A future that, frankly, I'm not sure that I want." "What kind of future do you want?" Rick asked, "like, if you could do anything after you get out of here, I mean I know you said you love your job and all but, what kind of future would you like to have?" Alexis thought about this for a moment as she continued to pull the petals off a flower in her hands. "I don't know. Something where I get to go home at the end of the day and...and I feel safe and seen and understood. Where I'm not judged for my actions, but accepted in spite of them. Something where I look forward to the sun rising, not feel sad because it's setting," Alexis said, "I want to want to live." Rick nodded, listening. He looked down at her, and she looked up at him, her hands, flower between them, resting on her chest. A few people walked by, and he slowly leaned down and pressed his lips against hers. She was expecting it, yet still surprised somehow. She let go of the flower and took his face between her hands, kissing him back. After their lips parted, their foreheads still together, he smirked at her, and she blushed. "That does sound like a nice future," he said, "I want you to want to live too." Alexis had never had much experience, and even less success, in the romance department. For a long time, she questioned what she even preferred, because she'd never really been with anyone in any kind of way that was meaningful. But here, now, being kissed during a sunset while holding a flower, she realized what she was was actually a hopeless romantic, and she knew now that the thing she wanted more than getting sober, was the hope of having someone be sober with her. "I'm gonna kiss you again," Rick whispered. "You damn well better," she replied softly, the both of them laughing lightly as he did. *** Lilian and Rina, having found the right costume for her witch persona, were now sitting at a noodle shop, eating two different kinds of soups. Seated in the booth as it had started to rain a little outside, neither one said a word, and it was a comfortable kind of silence they both appreciated being able to have between them. Lilian always felt like she had to fill every moment with someone else with dialogue of some sort, but with Rina, she could just exist, and that was nice. "Did you bring me here just cause I'm Chinese?" Rina asked, and Lilian laughed. "Look, if you were Mexican I still would've come here, it's cheap and it's nearby," Lilian said, "I swear I'm not a racist on purpose." Rina laughed as she lifted her bowl to her lips and drank some of the broth. After she finished she set the bowl back down and sighed, looking around at the other people in the restaurant. She then turned her gaze back on Lilian, who was slurping a few thick noodles and a piece of beef in between her teeth. "How is Maddie doing?" Rina asked. "She's...having a bit of a hard time right now," Lilian said, "she started her period, so that was fun, and then she went to have a visit with her mother. Been a rough few weeks. But she's doing as well as one could expect a kid her age to be doing. Little fucker's resiliant." "Indeed she is!" Rina agreed, laughing, "that's good though, I'm glad she feels comfortable with you guys. I'm glad she had somewhere safe to go. If given the option, I wouldn't have been able to house her, just because I'm still in school and stuff and live with my folks. So I'm glad she had somewhere, someone, to turn to in her time of need. Believe me, if things were different and I was capable of doing so, I would've in a heartbeat. Love that kid." "She's lucky," Lilian said, setting her spoon in her bowl and wiping her mouth on her napkin, "like...when we were kids, granted there's a bit of an age difference between you and I but not much, we didn't have a whole support system, you know? We had our parents, and maybe a cool aunt or uncle, but on the whole, we didn't have an entire village helping to raise us. Maddie has so many adults who care about her, and that's...that's really cool. I'm happy to be a part of that." "I think people realized at a certain point that a child shouldn't be solely dependent on their parents, you know, especially for emotional needs," Rina said, "parents can suck." "Indeed," Lilian said, nodding in agreement, thinking of her own mother, "but sometimes they try, they just don't know how to do it very well, and that's worth recognizing too. Her father is like that. He can't be worse than her mom, after all." *** Maddie, much like her father, didn't know how to react or respond to the information she'd just had laid bare before her. Maddie was spending the night with her father and his home nurse, and after Brian had come home, and told her exactly what her mother had told him, her whole worldview changed within a minute. She just couldn't fathom that someone who claimed they loved someone, had married them as a way to express that love, had a child with them as a way to further that proof of love...would want to then kill said person. It just didn't compute for her. Maddie was now lying in her old bedroom on the floor, staring at the ceiling and her glow in the dark stars, and she wanted to just scream and swear, denounce her mother, but she'd already said what she needed to to her, nothing more really had to be done or could be done that would further prove her disinterest in their dissolved parent/child relationship. All she could think of was her classmates face during those final moments, and how it had been meant for her father. And if her mother was capable of doing that to him...to someone that she she had once loved... ...what might she have done to Maddie if given the chance? To someone she'd openly admitted to never having wanted?
0 Comments
Lilian was seated at the breakfast table, waiting for Miranda to finish cooking. She sipped from her coffee mug - Maddie was still asleep, but only because she had a full day ahead - until Miranda came and stopped at the table, putting a plate of bacon down before picking one up and biting into it herself. Lilian smiled, took a piece for herself and together they stayed there in silence, eating their respective bacon. Miranda ran her fingers through Lilian's hair and Lilian shut her eyes, enjoying the sensation. These early mornings where they got time to be alone were so special to her, and she wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. Miranda sat down while the pancakes behind her bubbled.
"I think the thing I like the most about being in a relationship," Miranda said, "is that it allows me to cook for others more often than I normally would." "That's certainly a good reason," Lilian replied, nodding. "That and I've doubled my wardrobe considering we're about the same size," Miranda added, smirking. "You steal so much of my clothes," Lilian remarked, laughing. As Miranda and Lillian kissed a little and continued to eat, a knock came at the front door, and both looked in the direction of the door, then at one another. Lilian got up and headed to the door, wiping her hands on her pajama pants. Pulling the door open, however, left her surprised even more, because not only was it unusual to get a visitor at this time in the morning, but that visitor happened to be, of all people, Rina. "Oh!" Lilian said, happy to see her, "Hey! It's been a while." "Can I come in?...do I smell breakfast?" Rina asked. "Well, it is breakfast time," Lilian replied, "but sure, come on in. Is everything okay? Are you here to see Maddie?" "Actually no, I'm here to see you," Rina said, "...I need a job." *** Alexis had never gone to a "meeting" before. Least, not for anything outside of work. But especially not one meant to help her with her issues. Standing in the room in the hospital, eating cookies from the snack table, she scanned the room, watching for anything or anyone interesting and, much to her disappointment but not surprisingly, she saw nothing that piqued her interest. It was another hour until they had their lunch break and John would be here with their subs, but until then she would just suck it up. Course, she probably shouldn't fill up on cookies if she was planning on having lunch. "You like 'em?" a voice standing beside her suddenly asked, spooking her. "Jesus, don't sneak up on people like that," Alexis said, turning her head to see a man about her age with scruffy brown hair and wearing jeans and a long sleeved baseball tee standing beside her. "Sorry, didn't mean to give you a heart attack. Just was curious if you liked the cookies. My sister made 'em for me, but I figured I'd share with the group," he said. "How very kind of you," Alexis said, "yeah, they're good, peanut butter is the best cookie. Tell your sister she's good at baking." "Oh she knows, she owns a bakery," the man said. Alexis smirked as she picked up another cookie and bit into it. "I'm Rick," the man said, "what are you in for?" "Alexis," Alex replied, "I almost OD'd, but...not on purpose." "Fair enough," Rick said, "I did the same." "Yeah?" Alexis asked, now having her attention caught, seeing as this was someone who potentially actually understood her ordeals. "Yeah," Rick said, "yeah, uh, I was using and I...I just was sloppy. My sister found me using and having a seizure, and took me to the hospital and then said if she paid for it, I could come here to try and get better, so here I am. Been here...oof...6 months now? 7? It's hard. Especially because, personally, I don't have any interest in being sober." "Why's that?" Alex asked. "Cause why should I? The world is shit enough without having to be sober in it," Rick said, shrugging and Alex nodded. She understood that...and that scared her. She didn't want to let John down, but she'd be lying if she said she didn't miss the feeling. Miss the idea of just letting herself go and forget about all her problems for a little bit. Now, instead, she lived with her issues every single day and that was far more painful. "Well," Alexis said, "at least we have cookies." "Yeah, I'll tell my sister we'll just OD on cookies now," Rick said, the both of them chuckling. For the first time since being in the hospital, Alexis was finally starting to feel like maybe it wasn't so hopeless and empty after all. Maybe there was something special to be found here. *** "You scared?" Miranda asked as she parked the car and Maddie exhaled, nodding a little; Miranda smiled softly and kissed the side of Maddie's head, adding, "hey, if it gets to be too much, you can just come right back out here and we'll go get something for lunch, okay? You don't have to stay here. You're doing her a favor, don't forget that, you're the one with power in this situation, alright?" "Thanks," Maddie said, also smiling now, appreciative of Miranda's comfort and advice. She opened the door and climbed out of the car, heading towards the prison. Miranda watched as she approached the doors, spoke with a guard, only to be turned away. Maddie came back to the car, as Miranda rolled down her window and Maddie said, "they won't let me in without an adult." "Well we should probably go find one then," Miranda said, the both of them laughing as she climbed out of the car and took Maddie's hand, the both of them heading back to the prison doors, only to be let in this time. Once inside, they immediately felt uncomfortable. It was a perfect temperature inside the building, and the facility was clean as clean could be, but just knowing people were living their entire lives here...it unnerved them both. Miranda had only been to a prison once, to see an uncle for Christmas one year, and after that she refused to ever go back. But she couldn't let Maddie go through with this alone. After a bit of walk, they finally reached the visitation spaces. Miranda seated herself on a small couch a ways away to give Maddie privacy, and Maddie sat down on one side of the glass that separated herself from her mother. Jessie smiled seeing her daughter, but Maddie didn't smile back. "You look good," Jessie said, "I'm so glad we finally get to see eachother." "...I only came cause I wanted to tell you something I didn't get to the night they arrested you," Maddie said, and Jessie's eyebrows raised and in suspense. Maddie cleared her throat and exhaled, as she added, "you deserved this. You're a bad person." "There's a lot you don't know about," Jessie said, "about marriage in particular, and...and how difficult it is to get out of marriage in a way that benefits you. Men have all the power, I would've lost-" "Shut up mom," Maddie said, surprising not only herself but also Miranda and Jessie as she continued with, "nothing is worth killing someone for, unless maybe they're trying to kill you first. You hurt dad so bad he's still trying to recover. You ruined my whole childhood. I am so mad at myself that I believed you for so long and let you continue to hurt dad and-" "I actually needed to speak to you because I need you to ask your father to come see me," Jessie said, interrupting, "there's things he and I have to discuss, and I know he won't come if I just ask, but he will if you do." "So even now you're just using me? You didn't care to see me at all?" Maddie asked, on the verge of tears, "...you're a bad mom." Jessie sighed and nodded. She knew she was a bad mom. Truth be told, she'd never wanted to be a mom in the first place, but she'd never tell Maddie that at least. She looked down at her hands before looking back up at Maddie and their eyes locked. "I'm sorry," Jessie whispered and Maddie shook her head in disgust. "I'll ask dad to come," she said, "but I never want to speak to you again. This is where you belong. Where you can't hurt anyone else while pretending to love them." With that, Maddie pulled away from the glass pane and stood back up, heading back to Miranda. Jessie watched as this unknown woman took her daughter by the hand and walked out of the prison with her. And the worst part was...she couldn't even defend or justify her actions reliably, nor defend the truths her own daughter has just dropped on her. She was, in fact, a bad mom. A bad person. She did deserve to be in here. But if only Maddie knew. If only Maddie knew the truth. Would it help? Probably not. But context is important. *** Lilian and Rina were seated in the living room, eating from a big bowl of chips as Lilian, pad in hand, asked Rina questions. Rina posted her legs up on the coffee table and sighed, shrugging as Lilian asked again. "You really don't have any affinity towards any particular caricature?" she asked, and Rina shook her head. "Not really," she said, "I mean, what've you got already? A clown, a princess, a pirate, a mermaid and a cowboy? What mythological figure is left?" "Okay first of all, cowboys aren't mythological figures," Lilian said, the both of them laughing as she continued, saying, "and second, more importantly, it doesn't have to be something amazing or unique. Hell, I'm a princess. I'm the most cliche choice imaginable! You never had a, like, fairytale character that you identified with?" Rina thought, chewing on her lip. When she was a little girl, she had read a TON, and a lot of those stories were, admittedly, fantasy based. Yet, she felt weird choosing something like an elf, that just seemed so boring and ordinary and overdone. Then, Rina sat upright and grinned wide as she looked at Lilian, who cocked her head in suspense, waiting to see what Rina had thought of. "A witch," Rina said, and Lilian raised an eyebrow. "Really?" she asked, "a witch? Well, that's definitely not one we have yet, that's for sure. We actually don't have any kind of horror based characters, so you're in uncharted territory with this one. That's pretty cool." "You don't think it'd scare kids?" Rina asked. "Nah, adults forget that, as kids, we loved being scared. Spooky shit was taboo and a lot of fun," Lilian said, "obviously I can't speak for all kids, some are just out and out scaredy cats, but whatever. You'll find an audience. Now, you'll need a costume, so we can go to the nice costume place downtown in the next few days and I'll call Vera about getting you on payroll." Lilian finally put the pad and pen down and looked at Rina. "What made you wanna do this?" Lilian asked, "I'm just curious." "...well...it all comes down to the fact that I need extra money, and I already know you guys. But...I don't know, I've just been trying desperately, and failing, at finding something to do that isn't just babysitting. This seems like a cooler form of babysitting. Plus you all seem like really good friends, and...I could use some friends, frankly," Rina said, looking down at her hands in her lap, admiring her nails. "Hey, whatever the reason is, we can make it work," Lilian replied, "everyone is welcome here. That's obvious." Rina and Lilian looked at one another and smiled. They'd only met a handful of times, admittedly, but they'd always gotten along, and it seemed now like Rina was reaching out for companionship, and Lilian was more than in a stable place to provide it for her. Hell, Maddie was already entrenched in her life, why not her former babysitter as well? For the next little bit, Rina and Lilian went over potential costume ideas, ranging from classic Halloween art witches to gothic witches to stereotypical green witches to anything and everything they could think of, all the while laughing and having a good time. The irony of Rina's choice couldn't be dismissed, however. In far too many fairytales that Lilian had read growing up, witches were the ones more often than not to curse princesses in one form or another. So the fact that a witch and a princess would be willingly working together, being close friends, it was sort of beautiful to break that preconceived notion of what two fictional archetypes might usually be like when paired up. And if Lilian was all about anything these days, it was about breaking through societies perceived barriers of identity. *** Alexis and Rick were walking through the garden, heading to the cafeteria after the meeting. Alexis hated how much she already enjoyed his company, because she hated admitting to herself that she enjoyed anyones company outside of Lilian and John, but Rick had a self assured sense of sureness about himself that she couldn't help but find admirable, especially because she herself felt so uncertain about who she was most of the time. "I worked with her for a little while, at the bakery," Rick said, "but eventually the load became too much to handle and, if we're being honest, I'm not a baker by any means. I can't do math to save my life, and baking is all about measurements." "Then what do you do if you don't bake for a living?" Alex asked. "I'm a magician," Rick said, "for parties and stuff, nothing serious. But it's enjoyable, and I'm good at it and I make good money." "That's so cool," Alex replied, "I always liked magic." As she looked away momentarily, thinking she'd spotted John, Rick pulled a handful of flowers off a nearby bush and presented them to her, which made her laugh. "You didn't make those spontaneously appear," she said, "you just stole them." "And you say that like crime isn't magical," Rick replied, the both of them laughing as he handed them to her, and she graciously accepted, smelling them. That was the moment it hit her. She'd never once smelt a flower, let alone a flower given to her by someone...let alone been given flowers by someone. No, she knew what this feeling was, and that scared her. But she'd always had a type, and Rick definitely fit that. She blushed a little and looked away, which made him laugh all the more. "Are you just gonna go back to magic once you're out of here?" Alexis asked as they continued walking and he shrugged. "Eh, probably, but like I said, it's not really my lifelong career. Not sure what it is I'd like to really do, but magic ain't it," Rick said, "though it does make me pretty popular with the ladies." "Wow, a magician who knows women? You're a real rarity in your field," Alexis remarked, making him smirk. "Well, I know you don't I? And look at how well we've gotten along just in the short time we've been talking. You could almost say I've made your insecurities..." Rick said, waving his hands in front of her, "...disappear." "Wow, you're a DORK," Alexis said, the both of them cackling. Rick's watched suddenly beeped, and he sighed. "I gotta go, I have a one on one therapy appointment, but if you're not busy later, and let's face it who in rehab is, come seek me out, I'll teach you some card tricks," Rick said, and Alexis nodded meekly. As she watched him walk off, she hated herself for acting so stereotypically girly. She'd never been like this before, not even with other guys she'd liked, but here she was, playing the role of the weak willed femme easily wiled by a handsome mans hand tricks. She heard footsteps approach and the sound of a paper bag rustling, and turned to see John coming up to her. "Where'd you get flowers from?" John asked. "From over there," she said, pointing back to where Rick had taken them. "I brought lunch," John said, holding up the bag. "Thank god, all I've eaten were cookies," Alex said as they started to head in the direction of the cafeteria again. "God, you're like a child," John replied. *** Maddie's father Brian was laying in his bed, reading a book. His home hospice nurse opened the door, came in, set down a tray with some snacks and water and then left as the phone began to ring. He picked up the glass and took a long sip before noticing she was returning, handing the phone to him. He furrowed his brow, confused as to who would be calling him. It wasn't like his married life had allowed him any friends. He took the phone and put it to his face, speaking weakly. "Hello?" "Daddy, it's me," Maddie said, and his face lit up. "Hi sweetheart! How are you?" he asked. "I'm...okay," Maddie said, "um...mommy wants you to meet with her." And whatever joy he'd just been given he lost just as quickly. Miranda and Lilian hadn't had a proper date night in ages, it felt like, and she was excited to do just that. Standing in front of the vanity mirror of their bedroom, Miranda finished applying her eye makeup before turning her attention to her lipstick, and then began brushing her hair. Lilian got out from the bathroom in the hall and entered the bedroom, leaning down behind Miranda and pressing her lips against her neck and making her blush and laugh. Lilian then went to get dressed herself, as Miranda finished up. They had called Vera and asked if she wouldn't mind babysitting, and she said she'd be more than happy to, so Maddie was packing an overnight bag in her bedroom as the girls prepared for their night out.
Before they knew it, they were already at Vera's. Miranda waited in the car, while Lilian took Maddie inside and up to Vera's comfortable loft apartment. However, when the door was opened, she was surprised to, instead of Vera, find Tyler there. He smiled at them and invited them in, which they graciously accepted. "Didn't know you were gonna be here," Lilian said. "Almost always am these days. Getting to the point where I'm wondering why I'm even renting my own place anymore," Tyler said, heading back into the kitchen as Vera came out from the hallway and smiled. "Hi guys!" she said cheerfully. This was the happiest Lilian had seen Vera in....months? Years? Hell, it was hard to know. Ever since taking over the company it seemed like Vera's attitude had taken a perpetual plunge into uncertainty most days. But regardless, it was nice seeing her smiling again. Maddie approached Vera, putting her overnight bag down and hugging her, Vera patting her back. "Thanks so much for doing this," Lilian said. "John not available?" Vera asked. "Actually he was who I called first," Lilian said, "but no, he said he already had plans. Anyway we both really appreciate it. I'll be by sometime in the early afternoon to pick her up." "Take your time," Vera said, as Maddie headed into the kitchen to see what Tyler was doing; Vera approached Lilian and lowered her voice, taking Lilian a bit away from the living room area and said, "actually, I'm glad we were the ones able to do this, because...well..." Vera glanced back at Tyler and sighed. "...we've talked about having a family," Vera said. "You're not even married," Lilian replied. "Gee, look at Miss Tradition over here," Vera remarked, making Lilian laugh as she continued, adding, "no, we know that and we don't have real interest in getting married honestly. It's just...it's not for us. But we have talked at length about having a family, and this will be a good instance for us to see how we'd handle that sort of lifestyle." "Well then, I'm glad to be of service," Lilian said, before giving Vera a little hug and saying goodbye to all three before heading back to the car. As she climbed in and shut the door, she suddenly felt Miranda grabbing her and turning her to face her, pressing her lips against Lilians, making Lilian laugh as they kissed. This was going to be a good night for a change, which was something they all really needed. *** John, as it turned out, actually did had plans. That wasn't just an excuse. A few times a month, he was able to take Star to his place for a few days for some private bonding time, and the date that night just so happened to coincide with that current visit. At that moment, John was preparing dinner as Star sat on the floor, cross legged, watching a TV show clearly aimed at preschoolers. As he heard her laugh joyfully, he looked up and smiled. He was just happy to have her in his presence, even if she wasn't on the same intellectual level as he was. He didn't care. Star was his daughter, and he loved her to hell and back. A knock came at the door, and for a brief moment, he considered the fact that it might be someone from the trailer park looking to converse, but upon pulling the door open, instead he was greeted by another face on the opposite side of the screen. Geena, Alexis's sister. "Oh," he said, "hey, hi, uh...do you...do you wanna come in, or?" "No, that's okay, if you have company," Geena said, waving her hand. "It's just my daughter, please, come in, she's watching TV, she won't bother us," John said, stepping aside as Geena pulled the screen door towards her, smiling and heading into the trailer. She saw immediately the grown woman John had referred to as his daughter, and got curious, but figured she'd better save her inquisition for later on. She followed him back to the kitchen area. "What are you making?" "I am cooking steaks," John said, "what are you even doin' here? How'd you even find me?" "Yeah, no, that's a fair question," Geena said, chuckling, "um, it's because the hospital has you listed as Alexis's primary caregiver. That includes your address." "And they just give that information out to people?" John asked, sounding incredulous, "that's absurd." "Well, you know, I'm actually her sister, so," Geena replied, "anyway I'm not mad, I just wanted to talk to you about her." "Is everything okay?" John asked as he flipped the steaks over in the pan and looked at Geena. "Well, I just...I guess I don't understand, and I'd like to understand," Geena said, "and please don't take this as me not being appreciative of what you've done, and been doing, because I really genuinely am, as I'm sure she is as well, but I guess I just need clarification and context and...some other synonym that starts with a C. Because, near as I can figure, you're taking care of her for the sake of taking care of her and that...that's just....decency I'm unfamiliar with." At this John finally cracked up, which made Geena feel embarrassed. He put his utensils on the counter and approached her. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I don't mean to, uh, make fun of you or anything, that really isn't my intent," he said, "please um, you're just so forward. No, you're not wrong, I am just doing it because it's the right thing to do. My family was torn apart by addiction, and so I...I know what it's like to come out the other side of that. After hearing about her own adolescence, I guess it's just hard for me to reconcile with the fact that your parents just don't give a shit about her." "To be fair, they don't really give a shit about anybody," Geena said, "they're pretty self absorbed." "Right," John replied, nodding, leaning on the countertop across from Geena, scratching the back of his head and adding, "and I don't think that's okay. I think...I think everyone needs a parental figure in their life, of one variety or another. Found family, blood family, whatever it is...you need that. Mentor. Etc. The world shouldn't feel so small and scary to people trying to navigate it for the first time, regardless of age. So I took it upon myself to be that for your sister, partially because I've been where she's been on both ends. I had addictions, and I lost people to addictions. It's...it's just the right thing to do. Do you want a steak?" Geena smiled, and nodded slowly. Why not have a little dinner? She'd made the trip here. *** Bernard's, a lovely bistro in the heart of downtown, was where Lilian had set her eyes for their date that night, and it was easy for Miranda to understand why once they were there. The place was quiet, with dim lighting and soft music. The exact kind of place one would expect a romantic evening to unfurl. Sitting at their table, looking around at the paintings and photos on the surrounding walls, Miranda couldn't help but feel like a very lucky lady. "It's weird when they name a restaurant after a person," Lilian finally said, interrupting Miranda's thought process, and making her chuckle as well. "It is, I agree," Miranda replied, "like, is Bernard cooking the food, or are we eating Bernard? Which one is it?" "I bet Bernard is chewy," Lilian said, "though, perhaps dinner isn't the best place to discuss the ins and outs of a topic such as cannibalism." "When would be?" Miranda remarked, the both of them laughing. "You look beautiful," Lilian said, taking Miranda by surprise, making her blush; Lilian continued, "like, I don't think I compliment you often enough, and I feel like I should do it more, because you really do look beautiful. I know it's a lot of effort, moreso in your case obviously, but...it's paid off. You've changed so much since we met, and...and I just...you're beautiful." Miranda blushed deeper, averting her eyes, feeling like she was going to start crying if she continued to look at Lilian's face. Lilian reached across the table and touched her face gently with her knuckles, making Miranda sniffle. "This used to be my fantasy, you know?" Miranda said quietly, almost a whisper, "like...how boring, right? Just being a girl, being out with a girl, being in love with said girl as a girl. It's...sad, really. To have such mundane fantasies. But I used to just lay in bed after lights out as a kid and think about this sort of thing. I didn't even want the exciting romantic stuff, like, where you come to terms with your feelings for one another or maybe a love triangle, no I just...I just wanted the already committed relationship." "Well then," Lilian said, "I'm glad I can give that to you. Everyone deserves to have at least one dream come true." Lilian then leaned forward and pressed her lips against Miranda's, and after the kiss ended, both felt giddy. Each, for whatever varying reasons, had never really had much lucky with romance, so it was nice to find that comfort with one another. They just needed to make sure they had more regularly scheduled date nights from now on. Much as each enjoyed playing parenthood, it was important for them to have nights to themselves as well. Which was funny, because that was the exact opposite thing Vera was discovering that night. *** Vera and Maddie were seated at the kitchen table, as Tyler finished cooking and set their plates in front of them before going back for his own. Maddie picked up her fork and dug in, as Vera started pouring herself a glass of wine. As she did, she watched Maddie, looking to see if she could spot any kind of uncomfort or anything in her. After a few minutes, Tyler finally returned to the table and sat down as well. "Do you think you could teach me how to cook?" Maddie asked, looking at Tyler. "Yeah! For sure," Tyler replied, "absolutely, if you wanna come on over like once a week for lessons, I'd be more than happy to help you with that!" "Does Lilian not cook?" Vera asked, taking a sip from her wine glass. "Eh, Miranda does, but I don't think she's as good at it as you are," Maddie said, and Tyler laughed. "Well thank you, I appreciate that," Tyler said, "and my mother told me home ec wasn't for boys, take that mom." All three of them laughed, as they continued to eat in silence. It was weird, for as much as Maddie loved Lilian and Miranda, and wouldn't change anything about her life right now, this was the sort of thing they didn't do. Dinner was often a solitary experience in that household, and she missed having dinner with people. Then again, it wasn't like her own parents had ever done it either, not in this sense. They'd done it, but it was always awkward and stiff and uncomfortable. This...this felt natural. This was the sort of family dinner Maddie had always wished she could have. And Vera? Vera was so happy. All she wanted anymore was a family. She was so sick of leading the company, and the bullshit that that entailed, and all she really wanted was to raise a family and be with Tyler. So cliche, she knew. She felt kind of like a sellout of her gender for her generation, wanting something so traditional, but Tyler had reassured her numerous times that it was okay that she wanted that. She wasn't by any means expected to live by the same morals or ethics others her age demanded she live by. She wanted to be a mom, and she was sick of hiding that and feeling ashamed of it. And all Tyler really wanted was much the same, but to see Vera be happy in the process. While Vera and Tyler discussed things regarding the company, and then a bit about the apartment - whether Tyler should move in or they should get a new place all their own - Maddie just ate in silence and watched, listening, smiling. It was nice to be around adults for a change and not be expected to be one as well. Bit by bit, she was eeking back her adolescence. *** "Oh, thank you," Geena said as John handed her a drink as they sat outside in lawn chairs, watching Star catch fireflies in the early evening sunset. "You told me Alexis almost drowned when you were kids, you remember that? Told me that that day in the hospital when we met," John said, sitting down and sipping his own drink before adding, "you told me that you watched a teenage lifeguard give her mouth to mouth, bring her in from the waves and save her life." "Mhm," Geena replied, nodding as she sipped her own drink, "yep, and that was a very formative thing for both of us." "So why do you care about her when it seems the rest of your family doesn't? Trying to earn some brownie points with the big man upstairs or just trying to make yourself look better or trying to maybe gain a sense of moral superiority or what? None of these are what I think of you, for the record, they're just reasons people do these kinds of things more often than not. I'm just curious where your thoughts lie." Geena smirked. She liked John's sense of earnest bluntness. "Well," she said, clearing her throat and stirring her drink with a straw, "it's a double edged sword, really, isn't it? Cause you live in a world of what if's, you know? What would it have been like had she died, would our parents have cared? They didn't seem all that plussed that she was still around after the fact, to be honest. I think it fucked her up though, more than she's willing to admit. I care because..." A pause, as John watched her, sipping from his straw, an eyebrow raised. "Fuck," she whispered, "someone has to, right?" Now THAT was an answer John wasn't expecting. "I mean, that's kind of my viewpoint, yeah," John said, as they both turned their gaze towards Star, "the world is full of people who don't care. About themselves, about one another, about anything. Even the ones who swear up and dow have only so much to give in the end, and don't care as much as they thought they did. People will abandon you in a heartbeat, use you for validation, hurt you without thinking twice. I guess I just prefer to be the exception rather than the rule." Geena smiled again, nodding slowly. She could see why Alexis had attached so hard to John, and their relationship as a whole was starting to make sense again now. Geena stirred her drink with her straw again and exhaled. "I bought a boat," she said. "Yeah?" John asked, sounding surprised, looking back at her, "you lose a bet or something?" "No," Geena replied, chuckling, "no, I...I..." Geena and John locked eyes and she sighed again. "I wanna take her out on a boat, and I need your help," she said. *** Miranda was lying on the couch back at the apartment, Lilian atop her, kissing up and down her neck, making her squirm. Miranda smiled and blushed, feeling Lilian kiss down her tummy and stop at her thighs, pushing her dress up. Miranda giggled. "I have to say," Miranda said quietly, "and this isn't saying women can't be the dominant one but...my whole life, being in bed with someone, I always felt so performative and hated being expected to be the one to make any moves. I always wanted it to be the other way around. So having you here, on top of me, doing all the work....selfish, maybe, but I like it." Lilian laughed and kissed back up, putting her hands on Miranda's shoulders and mounting her. "You have the right to be selfish after what you've lived through," Lilian said, "you've earned it, and I'm more than happy to be in charge. Honestly, I'm the opposite. The men I used to hook up with at parties while in costume always wanted me to be sweet and submissive, so actually being with not just a woman but a woman who doesn't mind if I take the lead...yeah...it's kind of perfect." Miranda held onto Lilian's hips as she started to grind on her, both girls panting, breathing hard. "I think I fell in love with you the minute you walked into my hospital room." Miranda said. "Yeah?" Lilian asked. "Yeah," Miranda replied, "I...I just saw you, and it was like I could instantly see the future. I'd always had trouble seeing a future of any kind for myself until that point. Part of that could be attributed to not having lived authentically until now but...but with you, it was all so clear." "That's, like, the most romantic thing anyone's ever said to me," Lilian said, the both of them laughing as she leaned down and kissed Miranda, breathing into her mouth. "Do you wanna be my wife?" Miranda asked, and Lilian opened her eyes, staring at her. "What?" "I'm sorry, shit, that...that was way too forward and way too soon and I..." "...why don't we talk about it more, tomorrow, and tonight we just...enjoy what we have," Lilian said, making Miranda blush as she added, softly, "now turn off that lamp." Miranda reached behind her, to the lamp on the table by the couch, and did as she was told. She could wait a while for an answer. After all, she'd already waited her whole life to be herself. Miranda had gotten really good at waiting. Maddie had expected to go to school today.
She'd expected to wake up, go to school, have pizza for lunch, maybe read a book during quiet class time, and come home to do homework. She'd expected a routine, monotonous, uninteresting day like every other. Unfortunately, that wasn't what her morning consisted of. Instead, what she woke up to...was blood. When she approached Lilian, who was still asleep, she was mortified of asking for help. Standing there, watching Lilian snore as she lay sprawled across her own bed, with Miranda laying beside her, she bit her lip nervously, pulled her fleece blanket up over her shoulders tighter and sighed, walking into the room. She approached the bed, reached out and touched Lilian's shoulder, gently shaking her until one of her eyes fluttered halfway open. "Mmm...hey...are you okay? Is it time for school?" Lilian asked, until she saw the clock and realized it was still two hours until school started; now confused, she looked back at Maddie and asked, "are you feeling sick?" "...I need help please," Maddie said, her voice shaky and scared, "...there's blood in my bed." That got Lilian's attention. The day had finally come. She was just surprised it had arrived so early. *** "What do you think about this?" Alex asked, showing John the image of the haircut she was thinking of. "It's not bad," he said, biting into his apple, "it would frame your face really well." "Yeah?" Alexis asked, pulling the brochure back towards her and continuing to look, "I...guess it could be okay." John looked up and around at the other clients in the salon, here for various treatments. Coloring, washing, cutting. He started to think about Star, and his eyes wetted instantly. He shook the thoughts away and returned to focusing on his apple instead, while Alexis turned the page, still uncertain of just what kind of haircut to get. After a moment, she set the magazine face down in her lap, spread and open to the page she had been on, and looked back at John as she chewed nervously on her nails. "You know, when I was a little girl, my mom used to cut my hair all the time," she said, "and one day, on the day she was supposed to do it, she had to work instead. She worked as a secretary for a really sketchy lawyer in a strip mall, and she didn't make much, so she had to take the hours when she could. Anyway, she left the job up to my father, who didn't know a damn thing about cutting hair. So he sits me down in this tall stool in the kitchen, and he starts doing it, but he's been drinking a bit, and after a bit, I feel this pinch, and then I see blood start coming down the front of my shirt from my neck. He'd nicked my ear with the scissors. Expectedly, I freaked out, and later so did my mother, and she did all my hair cutting again from then on. I haven't let anyone but her cut my hair since, so it's been....a few years since I've had my haircut, and now it's by a total stranger and I'm having feelings of intense anxiety over someone I don't know or trust getting close to me with scissors." "Yeah but these are professionals," John said, "professionals don't make mistakes." "Uh, Chernobyl?" Alex asked, making John chuckle. "Okay, most of the time," he replied, "trust me, the girl who does my hair does is excellent, she won't harm you." Alexis nodded, feeling a bit more relieved. She then went back to reading, as John's mind trailed off, thinking back to Star, and taking her to get her first haircut, post accident, and what an ordeal that had been. The second that someone approached her with anything remotely resembling a sharp object, thanks to the crash and the wreckage thereof, she absolutely flipped out and started screaming uncontrollably. John never took her to get a haircut again. Seems like, in some warped way, history was repeating itself. Just on a far less uncomfortable scale. *** "This isn't a big deal," Lilian said as she and Maddie walked down the aisles of the superstore, looking for menstrual products; Maddie was nervously clinging to her, like a lost little puppydog, and Lilian kept patting her on the back, adding, "it really isn't, this sort of thing happens to almost every woman. It's scary at first, maybe, but after that initial shock, yeah. You get used to it." "I really don't like waking up in a bed of blood," Maddie replied, making Lilian smirk. "Yeah, I get that. Thankfully I don't have to work today, so I can help you get through this," she said, "you'll be okay." They walked a little further, passing by a mom with two kids, one in the shopping cart and the other, a daughter about Maddie's age, holding onto the shopping cart and talking endlessly. Maddie looked at the ground as she walked and sighed. She was growing up without her parents. She had Lilian, and she loved her for having stepped up when someone needed to, and she was appreciative that she wasn't alone, but in this critical life changing moment of her adolescence, she didn't have her mother, and that stung a little. But she would never let Lilian know that, she figured that sort of information would break her heart, seeing how hard she was trying. "You know," Lilian started again, as they turned a corner and headed down another aisle, this time the correct one, "when I got my period, my mother didn't talk to me for a few days because she felt like her little girl was grown up now. But some blood coming out of you doesn't dictate anything. It's just a biological sign that shows your body is capable of new things. Doesn't change your mentality in the slightest, not unless you let it, and I certainly didn't let it change me." Maddie looked up at her and sniffled, nodding, smiling. Lilian ran her hand up into Maddie's hair and scruffed it a bit. "And if you're anything like me, and it seems like you are, then you won't let it change a thing about you either. You haven't let anything else change anything about you - not even things that should theoretically drastically alter a person - so why should this?" Lilian added as they finally arrived at the correct aisle. As they headed down, Maddie seeming extremely hesitant and nervous, she couldn't help but also feel a sense of belonging and safety because she had a grown woman with her who cared, and would help her get through anything. "What...should I get?" Maddie asked, and Lilian shrugged. "They're all basically the same, except for branding; just pick stuff and I'll tell you what I think," Lilian said. As she felt Maddie finally let go of her, and headed further into the aisle herself, she felt a weird sense of pride. In a way, it was as if she were making up for her own poor childhood by being a better mother to Maddie than either of theirs had ever been to them. Lilian knew her mother wasn't terrible by any means - flawed, certainly, but not terrible in the slightest - but she never wanted to make Maddie feel alone or confused or forgotten. And if there's one moment that no girl should ever have to feel those things... ...it's the moment they enter womanhood. *** Alexis, seated in a chair, looking at herself in the mirror, felt anxious. The woman cutting her hair was a tall, leggy woman in her 40s. She had long albeit bundled up blonde hair and seemed to be gathering the right brushes and shampoos required for the full salon treatment, while Alexis watched her him and haw and shashay around behind her in the mirrors relfection. She chewed absentmindedly on her lip and thought about how she hadn't hair a haircut in so many years, and how nervous this made her. Surely this woman wouldn't hurt her, even on accident. Sure accidents happen, nobody could deny that, but this was a professional. She wouldn't steer her wrong, right? John sure wouldn't, and he's the one who suggested her, so she felt like she was in good, capable hands. "So, what do you think you want?" the stylist asked, causing Alexis to tense up. "Uh, I...I don't know. I've never before been asked what my preference for a cut is," she replied, "I grew up with my parents cutting my hair, so they just did whatever they thought was fine. I've never had think about having a say in the matter." "Well, you do now," the stylist responded, chuckling, "I saw you looking at the magazines while waiting, did you see anything you liked in there?" Alexis shrugged and thought about it for a few moments, then exhaled. "I like the idea of having bangs. I don't like my forehead. I wanna hide it. And maybe make the ends curled a bit; nothing really outstandingly noticeable, just somewhat curled, you know? I like simple hair. I don't...I don't wanna look that different," Alexis said, mumbling at the last part as the stylist patted her on the shoulder and got to work. "I can do that for you," she said. And as she did her job, and as Alexis watched herself transform even just the tiniest bit in the mirror before her, she started to feel a little bit more in control over herself. For so long, something else was controlling her. Her parents, the drugs, Vera. But now, here she was, making the decision of what to look like, and getting that sort autonomy, when you've never had it before, was exhilarating. She started to crack a smile, and by the time the stylist was done washing, color treating and cutting, Alexis liked what she saw in the mirror. Which was the first time in her life she didn't hate the person looking back. *** The front door to the apartment unlocked, and Lilian and Maddie entered to find an already cooking Miranda come from the kitchen, surprised and somewhat confused. She hadn't expected either of them back this early. She watched Maddie, plastic bag of supplies in hand, head to her bedroom while Lilian collapsed on the couch and Miranda seated herself on the coffee table in front of her, watching her. "Okay, so I know it's your day off, but...what about her? Why is she home? Did she get sick at school?" Miranda asked, and Lilian ran her hands through her hair, exhaling. "She got her first period today," Lilian said, and Miranda's eyes widened. "...oh," she said, "wow, uh, that wasn't the answer I expected. Wow. Alright. So...so you took her to get what she needed?" "Mhm," Lilian replied, sniffing the air, "what are you cooking?" "Spare ribs," Miranda said, "they're not ready, but you if you could go make the potatoes, I'd be grateful for the help." Lilian smiled and nodded, leaning forward and placing her hands on Miranda's face, kissing her before getting up and heading into the kitchen. Miranda, once Lilian was out of line of sight, got up as well, but headed towards Maddie's room. She entered and noticed Maddie sitting on her bed, wrapped fully in a blanket with just her face peaking out. As Miranda shut the door, their eyes locked and Miranda walked in further, seating herself on the bedside. "Hey," Miranda said, "I heard. Are you okay?" Maddie just shrugged, not even looking at her. "...look," Miranda said, "I'm probably not the best person to discuss this with, because I...I've never had one, I'll never know what it's like to have one, but I wanna tell you something, okay? You willing to listen to me?" Maddie nodded, still not speaking or looking her way. "...they say it's painful, and I don't doubt that it is, but...it's also considered a rite of passage. The moment you transition to womanhood is marked by this occasion, societally anyway. The pain you'll have to endure once a month is just...I mean, I've spoken to women about it, it's ungodly unfair. That being said, I just want to tell you how lucky you are." That got Maddie's attention. She finally turned her head to look at Miranda, her face contorted in a confused expression. "Excuse me?" Maddie asked. "Yeah, cause...listen, uh...this is gonna be hard to explain, but I'm gonna do my best, okay? From the other side, someone who isn't seen as a woman by a large majority of the population, everything I do has to be even more performative to femininity than a woman such as yourself, or Lilian. And while women have to put in an overabundance of effort to begin with, it's innate for the most part. You're taught it. Girls like me...we're not taught anything. If anything, we're told the opposite. To repress it. Ignore it. I have to take medicine every single day of my life in order to look even remotely the same, to have the same hormones as any biological woman, and that's on top of surgeries - which, fairly, not every woman like me cares to have - and while that's all exhausting, it doesn't stop me from dwelling on the things I can't have. While, yes, I can get myself close to the view of myself that I've always seen and want to project, I can never, no matter what I do, have things women like you have." Maddie sniffled and wiped her nose on her sleeve, listening. "I'd give anything in the world to endure the pain of periods, because...because to endure the pain of everything else I have to is so much worse, and daily instead of monthly," Miranda said, near tears, "and I'm not diminishing what you're gonna go through with this, but..." Maddie leaned in and hugged Miranda tightly around the waist, both of them crying. Miranda didn't even have to finish. Maddie understood. There's varying degrees of pain to womanhood and each had to fight to get through it. But at least they had one another. Womanhood came with sisterhood, that was the important part to remember. "We're both just learning to be women," Miranda whispered, stroking Maddie's hair, "and when it's effortless, it's like magic, and those are the times to be happy about it." Maddie herself felt very much like Miranda. Sure, she was born a girl, but her mother had never given her tips on how to act, how to be the sort of performative that society expected; she knew next to nothing about what was expected from young women. She didn't know how to do makeup. She didn't know how to use tampons until today. She didn't know anything. So maybe it was good that the best person available for her to learn was someone who also never knew. At least they had that much in common. *** The door to Star's room opened and she looked up from the floor, where she was sitting cross legged doing a large piece puzzle. As the door swung open more, John entered and shut the door behind himself. Star scrambled up from the floor and threw herself against him, hugging him tightly, making him laugh as he hugged her back. "Hey kiddo!" he said, "wow, what a greeting!" "You got a haircut," Star said, pulling away and looking at her father, and he nodded. "Yeah, nothing serious. You doing a puzzle? You want help?" he asked as she sat back down and went back to the puzzle. John seated himself on the opposite side from her and watched. "I don't need help! I'm a big girl," Star said as she went back to picking up the pieces and focusing on her puzzle once more. John smiled and nodded. She was, indeed, a big girl. There was no arguing that. So he sat there, and he opened the fast food he'd brought and they both ate in silence, just enjoying one anothers company. He'd dropped Alexis back off at the clinic after they'd had a small snack after the visit to the salon, and that was when he knew he should come see his daughter today. Alexis reminded him so much of the person Star would've been had she not been in the accident, though hopefully sans the addictive tendencies (though, who was he to judge, he'd been an alcoholic and drug user once himself). "What is this puzzle?" John asked, picking up the lid and looking at it. "It's of daddy," Star said, as he smiled, noticing the image on the box was of a clown. He laughed, Star laughed, and that laughter was the only sound they needed to fill the silence. |
About
A young woman named Lilian Phillips, who plays a princess at birthday parties, befriends a little girl who had a child die at her own birthday party. Archives
April 2024
Categories |