"I can't remember the last time I even went on a date," Lilian said, standing in her bathroom, applying makeup while she talked on the phone to Alexis; she continued, "and I mean, like, an honest to god actual date. Not one of those random hookups I did at parties sometimes with someones uncle or something. I mean like a real date with someone I genuinely like."
"Well," Alex replied, "at least you'll be able to fall back on the excuse of being rusty. Besides, it's not like you have to impress her. She's already smitten with you." "...are you eating?" Lilian asked. "I'm lying on the couch eating an entire gallon of Cookies and Cream ice cream," Alexis said, "why?" "Did you even try and eat dinner?" "This IS dinner, thank you," Alexis replied, making Lilian chuckle. Lilian put her makeup away and headed back into her bedroom to get dressed. At the moment she was just wearing her underwear, so she started rooting around in her closet to find something both suitable and comfortable. She wanted to look good, but she didn't want to sacrifice sensibility for fashions sake. Lilian sighed and sat on the end of her bed, staring at her closet and shaking her head. "I hate my closet," she said. "Why? Something live in it?" Alexis asked. "I mean I hate my wardrobe, like, what I have to wear," Lilian said, "I really am in the need of new clothes. I've had these same outfits for the last decade. I haven't bought anything new in ages. I think being in beauty pageants really ruined any interest I might've had in looking good." Suddenly, a knock at the door, and Lilian's eyes widened. "Shit! She's early!" she said, "I have to go!" She hung up the phone and quickly grabbed a pair of tight jeans and a crop top with a small jacket to go over it from her closet, then threw it all on. Another knock at the door, and Lilian ran into her bathroom again, grabbed her hairbrush and then rushed back into the living room, brushing her hair as she answered the door. Miranda was standing there, in a long black floral print dress and a big sunhat. She smiled at Lilian, who stood aside to let her into her apartment. "Sorry, I was in the bathroom," Lilian said, continuing to brush her hair as Miranda entered. "Nice place," Miranda said, turning around in the room before landing their sights back on Lilian herself, and adding, "you don't look too bad yourself." "Hah! Well, thanks so much for the backhanded compliment," Lilian said, stepping forward and putting their hands on Miranda's hips before leaning up and kissing them. After it broke, Miranda said she had made some plans for them, and they should get going. Lilian agreed, and together they exited the apartment for the night, but Lilian already knew she would be bringing Miranda back home later. *** "You guys gotta find a way to co-exist, man," John said, sitting in the diner with Tyler, as they both ate; John took a sip of his coffee and added after a sigh, "like, if you guys can't be friends, you sure as hell can't be co-owners of a business or even co-workers for that matter. This isn't the same as a typical business, you know? This is something you all actively decided to build together, so you HAVE to find a way to get along." "It's not me," Tyler said, sipping his soup from his spoon, "I love everyone who works with us. It's Vera. Vera and Alexis specifically. You saw it at the park, it's rough. And we're all worried for Alex, honestly. She's got a lot of problems, and we're all very concerned one day she's going to do something she can't undo." "That's her decision then," John said, shrugging, "I mean, it's noble to worry, but in the end, she's going to do what she's going to do." Just then they noticed Rina and Maddie standing by the table. Tyler raised an eyebrow, confused by their sudden appearance, while John merely continued drinking his coffee and then put his cigarette out. "What are you doing here?" Tyler asked. "She wanted to see Lilian, but she doesn't appear to be here," Rina said, pushing her way into the booth, sitting next to Tyler as Maddie sat beside John; Rina added, after taking a spoon and having some of Tyler's soup, "she says it's very important and she needs help." "What could be so important that you'd come find us at this time of night?" Tyler asked. "...I think my mom is killing my dad," Maddie said, "the other day, I tried to drink something she'd made for him, and he told me it was poisoned, and that's why he wasn't eating or drinking anything she was making for him. He hasn't been getting better, probably because she's poisoning him and because he's too scared to eat or drink anything she makes. I don't know what to do or who to talk to about it though." "...that's...that's a LOT," Tyler said, "oof, jeez. Do you have any proof outside of your dads words?" "No," Maddie said, shaking her head slowly, "that's what stinks. I don't have any real proof. I wanted to talk to Lilian." "Well, she's not here," Tyler said, "Sorry. But I could call and leave her a message." Tyler scooted past Rina, who followed him as she wanted to leave something on the message as well, so Lilian would take it more seriously. Maddie looked at John, then sighed and looked down at her hands in her lap. "What if it's not true? What if she's not, and he's just saying that to make me hate her? They've fought so much..." "Well," John said, "parents will do that, sure, but that doesn't make it right. Either way, the fact that you're worrying about it being fake instead of taking it at face value proves how intelligent you are for your age, because a lot of kids would just believe anything their folks tell them. But you've known them to be liars, fighters, and you're not going to just believe something because someone said it. That doesn't mean you shouldn't take it seriously, because it very well COULD be true, but still." "...why are they doing this to eachother? To me? I didn't do anything wrong, I didn't ask for them to be my parents," Maddie said, sounding as though she were on the verge of tears. John sighed and took a long sip from his coffee, then patted her on the shoulder and pulled her into his side, wherein she started crying against him. "It's okay kiddo," he said, "you just cry, it's okay to cry. This is too heavy for someone your age to deal with, but you're very strong for dealing with it and I'm proud of you." Watching from afar as Rina left her half of the message, Tyler couldn't help but be somewhat in awe of Johns sweet nature. He came off as so gruff, with an anger just below the surface, and yet here he was, being tender and comforting to a little girl. He was surprised by his ability to talk to kids. That was what everyone was missing, he thought. Anyone could perform at a kids party, but that doesn't mean just anyone could relate to a kid. *** "This place is beautiful," Lilian said, as she sat in an old vintage metal chair on a balcony of a small restaurant, overlooking the cityscape; she looked across the table at Miranda, who smiled at her as she drank from her glass of wine. "It is, it's one of my favorite places," Miranda said, "it helps to get above everything and look down on it. That way, I've found, it doesn't seem so overwhelming. If you can pull yourself far enough away from something, I've found, then it helps make it look less intimidating. It's like being in an airplane, you know? Looking down on the world, like they're just ants." "...you look so good," Lilian said, blushing, "Sorry, that...that might've been weird to say." "No, I appreciate it! I put a lot of effort into this," Miranda said, chuckling, "I'm glad you think so! I don't think I've ever seen you with makeup on." "I wear makeup to every party I work!" Lilian said. "Really? Wow. Well, maybe I just didn't notice. Now that I'm, ya know, looking only at you, it's easier to spot I guess. I never noticed how long your eyelashes are either," Miranda said, "unless they're extensions. I don't know what to believe, considering you used to do beauty pageants." "Everything about me is fake, it's true," Lilian said, the both of them laughing as she continued, "it's nice to be here with you. It's about time we did something like this, you know, something just the two of us. Something...nice. We've both been working so much, it's exhausting. I kinda want a vacation." "If we both take our vacation at the same time, we could go somewhere together," Miranda said, "unless that's, ya know, moving too fast or whatever." "Girl, I don't think there's even such a thing as moving too fast at this point in my life," Lilian said, as Miranda continued drinking her wine and the waiters brought their respective meals, setting the plates down on the table in front of them. Lilian didn't usually get to go out and do things just for herself, just for fun, and this was definitely a much needed reprieve from the typical night. She felt bad, thinking about Alexis being by herself all night, but that was how she wanted to spend her time. She shouldn't be judged for it, just like she shouldn't be judged for being out with Miranda, and how Miranda shouldn't be judged for who she was. Lilian might've been brought up in a community surrounded by judgement, but she made a concerted effort to prove she was anything but judgemental. *** "What if turns out to be true?" Maddie asked, wiping her eyes on her striped sweater sleeve, "what...what if...what if she does kill him because I don't do anything? Or what if it's all fake and then I don't know who to trust anymore? Which would be worse?" "Parents who pit their children against one another shouldn't have children in the first place," John said, "is there anything you can think of that might make you think your father might be telling the truth? Do you have a parent you think is more reliable and trustworthy?" Maddie thought for a minute. Neither of her parents had ever really been there for her much beyond doing what was expected of them. Doing their parental duties; attending school meetings, feeding and housing her, partaking in holiday events, those sorts of things that are inescapable by society standards. Maddie tried to think about something her parents had actively done with her, any sort of activity they'd participated in together willingly...but she drew blanks. She looked at John and shook her head. "...neither," she whispered, "they're both bad." John sighed, finish his coffee and then took a bite of the sandwich he'd ordered before leaning back in the booth, then turning to face Maddie, folding his legs on the booth. She quickly turned and faced him in the same manner. "When I was in my mid twenties, I met a woman. Her name was Lauren, and she was....she was just the best, you know? Just...the kind of person that, once you meet, it seems like you've known one another forever," he said. "Kinda like Lilian and me," Maddie said. "Sure," John said, smiling, "anyway, Lauren and I got serious, and we talked about having kids. In the end, we decided it was best not to, because we knew neither one of us was capable of dealing with what that lifestyle change brought. I'm proud of making such a decision for the sake of an unborn child, instead of just rushing in headfirst and bringing a kid into the world that I then couldn't take care of. That wouldn't be fair to me, but more importantly, it wouldn't be fair to them. Sometimes parents have kids because it's what's expected of, or because they really believe they're in love and it's what they want. Do you think your parents could really hurt one another, or you?" Maddie chewed on her lip, and after a long moment, she shook her head. "No," she said, "I don't think so. But I can't shake the question of what if I'm wrong?" "Then you're wrong. But it's on them, sweetheart, not you," John said, "remember, no matter what they try and make you think or feel, you are a kid, and their lack of functioning is not your fault. You are not responsible for their happiness." Rina and Tyler finally walked back to the table and Rina tapped Maddie on the shoulder, making her look back at Rina. "We should get home," she said, "Your mom will be home from work anytime now." Maddie nodded, and climbed out of the booth, waving goodbye to Tyler and John, then taking Rina's hand and, together, exiting the diner. Tyler slid back into the booth and continued eating his soup, which was somewhat cold now. After a minute, John lit up a new cigarette, and Tyler looked up from his bowl at him. "You really have a way of dealing with kids," Tyler said, "so what happened to Lauren? You guys break up or?" "Naw, we got married, had a kid," John said, surprising Tyler. "But...but you just said-" "I know what I said," John replied, interrupting Tyler, "but that's not the point. That truth is my truth. The lie is healthier for her to live with than what actually happened." "...what...what did actually happen?" Tyler asked cautiously. "Doesn't matter. Sometimes people just go away," John said, "Hey, can I get some more coffee over here please?" *** Standing in the hallway, Lilian trying to unlock her apartment door as Miranda stood behind her, she couldn't shake the giddiness from her gut. After she finally heard the lock click and the door swung open, Lilian turned to face Miranda and exhaled slowly. "I guess we should do this again," Miranda said, "whenever you're available, just let me know." "You should really come inside," Lilian said, surprising Miranda. "...uh, that's a little forward," she said, laughing. "I know, I know that, and I should apologize for it but...okay look, I'm gonna level with you...for the past few years, the only people I've slept with have been weirdos and creeps I meet at the parties I work. Guys who ask me to keep the crown on, because it makes them feel like they're...well, I don't have to explain to you the implications. They're perverts, plain and simple. Sex has been so empty and meaningless for so long that I don't even remember what it's like to have it with someone you genuinely are attracted to." "This is really up front," Miranda said, laughing, "I appreciate your bluntness." "I know it's weird, and I know we've only known one another a while, and we've only gone out a few times seriously, but...I really like you. I like you in a way that I don't know that I've ever liked anyone, and that's scary to me, but it's also exhilarating. I spent so much of my life trying to please others with my beauty that I forgot I was allowed to find someone beautiful too, and you're so beautiful, and...god, please come in." "First of all," Miranda said, chuckling as she looked at her feet and blushed, "I'd like you to know this is the most awkward and pathetic anyone has ever been to get into my pants, and secondly, I'd like you to know just how well it's working." Lilian laughed, finally feeling the tension break, as she took Miranda's hand and slowly brought her into the apartment. The door shut behind them, and they didn't even bother turning the lights on. She dragged Miranda to her bedroom and pushed her on the bed, climbing on top of her and kissing her as much as she could everywhere she could. Miranda couldn't help but feel a little flattered, as she'd never experienced this level of adoration from anyone romantically. Miranda reached up and ran her hands through Lilian's hair as she fell on her back, Lilian fully on top of her. "I can understand why you were in beauty pageants," Miranda said quietly, "but the beauty I see isn't the same beauty they saw." "God you're such a sap," Lilian replied, both of them giggling nervously, until Lilian, her eyes watering with tears, quietly whispered, "I think I'm in love with you." "I think I'm okay with that," Miranda remarked, kissing her back. Come the following morning, when Lilian woke up next to Miranda, she couldn't believe what she'd done. She'd actually done something for herself for a change, and she didn't even feel all that selfish about it. But, even moreso than that, she couldn't help but appreciate the fact that, for the first time in years, she was in a bed with someone she actually wanted to be in bed with, and not just because she wanted some kind of release. Lilian pulled herself up to Miranda's side, and felt Miranda wrap her arms around her, and together they fell back asleep until the early afternoon. Sometimes the hero a princess gets is never the one she expected.
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"I appreciate the drive," John said, clicking his seatbelt in as Lilian pulled away from the trailer and headed back to the front gates as he continued, saying, "especially, you know, after what you did to my car."
"Uh, pardon? You did that to my car," Lilian said. "Well, we can agree to disagree," John said, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and asked, "can I smoke in here?" "I don't care." John lit up his cigarette, rolled down his window and held it out so it wouldn't ash in the car seeing as Lilian's didn't have an ashtray built in. They sat in silence for a bit, then finally John turned and looked at her again as she pulled up to a red light. "Why are you doing this for me?" he asked. "...because we really need an adult," Lilian replied. John couldn't argue with that. *** The company used to have a monthly get together, where everyone would come, not in costume, and would discuss business and their recent interactions with guests, and of course, company issues. Usually it was held at a nearby park, but since Vera and everyone else had essentially made a new company and left the old one in the dust, they couldn't hold it there anymore. Vera suggested they not only continue the tradition, but also move it to a very old park that nobody really went to anymore. This park was on the opposite side of town from the previous, so same distance just in a different direction, and was wild west themed. It was an unusual park, but considering these were unusual people involved in an unusual business, it all seemed to fit together quite nicely. Besides, Tyler, being a cowboy, really liked it. Tyler and Vera had come together, while Alexis had been given a ride by Josh. Alexis and Josh were already there by the time Tyler and Vera arrived, and were surprised to find them hanging out on a defunct train car that had been used in an actual highway robbery back in the day. "Better make sure you don't fall off," Vera said, "you could really hurt yourself. That shit's real metal." "Yeah, thanks MOM," Alexis said, rolling her eyes, "I know that, and I like to live dangerously. It's not like it's moving." "So," Vera said, looking from Alexis to Josh and smiling, "how are you liking working with us?" "I gotta admit, it was a bit weird at first," Josh said, "uh, but I do like it. It's...I don't know, oddly comforting? Like, it's nice to be around kids, happy kids, and they're happy because the day is about them and you're there to make the day better so in a way you're making them happy. It's nice to have a life filled with joy instead of resentment." "That's probably the most elegant way anyone's ever described what they do here," Vera said, "you should've heard her last evaluation response when asked how she liked working with us," she added, nodding at Alexis. Josh looked at Alexis, who was taking a bite out of an apple. "I said 'it's cool as shit, dawg', which, in my defense, is a valid and accurate response," Alexis said, making Josh laugh, and even Vera chuckled before she turned away from them and checked her wristwatch, sighing. Tyler sidled up to her and touched her shoulder, his voice low. "Everything okay?" he asked. "I don't know where Lilian is," she said, "she should be here by now." *** "I can't believe you work for a company that does this," John said, "honestly, that's weird. I never worked for a company. There's no Clown Organization I go through or anything. I'm just a clown. I didn't have to get certified. It's just odd is all." "Well we like to appear professional, we want the people who hire us to know that they don't have to worry about our behavior and that we are dependable and appropriate around their children," Lilian said as she turned a corner and began heading down another street towards a bridge, crossing into the other side of town. "I just mean," John said, coughing and tapping his cigarette outside the window, "that I didn't choose this because it was some life calling. I chose it cause it was easy, and I'm lazy as shit. It's not like I told my mom and dad 'hey, when I grow up, I'm gonna be a clown!' because who honestly chooses that as a profession? Weirdos, that's who." "But the weirdos are our kind of people," Lilian replied, making John chuckle. "I guess, but I just wish I had a regular set of talents, you know? Carpentry, blacksmithing, baking, those kinds of things." "What time period do you wanna live in, exactly?" Lilian asked, making him laugh loudly. "You know what I mean!" he said, "Like, didn't you have any idea, when you were a little girl, what it was you wanted to do when you grew up?" The car got quiet, as Lillian chewed on her cheek and sighed. "Not really. My whole adolescence, to a point anyway, was governed by my mother and her obsession with beauty pageants, so I suppose I just accepted at face value whatever she said I would do. I guess I thought I'd be a model? I don't really know, honestly." John nodded and scratched his forehead. He took another long drag from his cigarette, then ashed it again out the window and exhaled. "What would you wanna do if you could? Like say tomorrow you could suddenly have any job you wanted without needing qualifications. What would you pick?" John asked, and Lilian smirked. "This," she said calmly, "I'd choose this." *** Josh was sitting outside the park with headphones on, listening to music as they watched the lot, waiting for Lilian's car. When it finally pulled in, they watched Lilian and a man they didn't recognize get out and approach the park. The man waved politely at Josh before heading past them and right inside, while Lilian knelt down and pushed Josh's headphones back a bit so they could hear her. "You're a bit late," they said. "I know," she replied, before kissing them and adding, "but who cares. It's not like it's real work. It's just a company event. Is Vera mad?" "Is Vera ever not mad?" Josh asked as they got up and, along with Lilian, headed inside the park; they continued, "I mean it, she has two modes: angry, and mildly less angry." "She's got a lot on her plate, a lot to deal with," Lilian said, "especially when you factor in Alexis, who is a handful in and of herself. She's like having a perpetual 17 year old who never stops begging for rides to the mall. God love her but jesus can she be tough to wrangle." "I was wondering," Josh said, "could I maybe get a replacement name tag?" "Why? You lose yours?" "No I...I think I'm gonna change my name," Josh said, making Lilian stop in her tracks. The two stood there, near the front of the park, staring at one another for a minute before Josh added, "you know, cause I...I'm just...I'm not that person that the world thought I was and maybe it'd be better if I started using a name I want that I feel better fits me." "You'd have to ask Vera but I don't think she'd mind, she's pretty accommodating, any ideas on what you want?" Josh hesitated, grimacing. "I've thought about a few, but I haven't really settled on anything just yet," they said, "all I know is that the longer I keep going by the name my parents gave me, the name that doesn't represent who I look like now, the worse I'm gonna feel, and it might even likely present danger to me at some point, considering who I'm around. Nobody needs that nonsense." Lilian approached them and took their hand in hers, smiling, as she continued to lead them further into the park. "I think," she said, "whatever name you pick will be great. No matter what, nothing will be worse than Stinko." Josh furrowed their brow, confused, but soon enough they'd understand. *** Maddie had taken to sitting by her fathers bedside ever since he'd come home from the hospital. They didn't talk. He slept most of the time anyway, so she'd read a book or do some homework or color. But she liked being near him. She liked that, even in the state he was in, he was actually home nevertheless. But she was worried...he didn't seem to be getting better. If anything, for what Maddie could tell, he seemed to be getting worse somehow. He was weaker, slower, less energized. She figured it might take a while for him to get back to his usual self, sure, but she didn't understand why no progress at all whatsoever was being made. The bedroom door opened and her mother, Jessie, entered, carrying a tray of his lunch. Maddie looked up and the two smiled at one another as Jessie slowly crept into the room and set the tray on a nearby dresser, before sitting in a chair next to her daughter and looking at what she was doing. "English?" she asked, and Maddie nodded; Jessie cleared her throat and said, "you know, if you need any help, I majored in english. It's what I'm best at. I would like to help you on your homework, but only if you really need it." "Thanks mom, but I'm okay." Maddie said, before glancing towards her father and sighing, asking, "when is dad gonna get better?" "It's gonna take a bit," Jessie said, sighing and looking at her husband, "he suffered a pretty nasty heart attack, and seeing as it's something that runs in his family, it's something he's going to have to be cautious about now, as are we in regards to helping him. But he should be back up and on his feet soon enough." With that, Jessie stood up, patted her daughter on the shoulder, and headed back out of the room, leaving Maddie alone with her barely awake father. Maddie sighed and continued to do her homework, until she heard her father grumbling something. She looked back up and leaned forward, hoping to hear him speak. His lips moved, but his words...his words terrified her. "please...stop her," he said softly. *** "I'm a professional," Alexis said sternly. "A professional what, exactly? Fuck up?" Vera asked, hands on her hips as she and Alexis went at it verbally; she continued, "because I have had SO many complaints about you from various parties you've worked, it's not even funny. You've gone past being a morbid curiosity and into being an outright problem." "Oh it's so fucking easy for you, isn't it, to judge from you ebony tower," Alexis said, "looking down on me because you don't have the problems I do, because you have family who loves you, because you're not forced to work parties and instead simply do the paperwork for overseeing the people who actually do this job. Look at you, all high and mighty, while I'm just high." "Alright kids," John said, interjecting himself and pushing both Alexis and Vera down onto benches as he stood between them, "let's get one thing straight. Nothing breaks up a partnership faster than fighting, okay? But nothing also makes your connection to others you care deeply about stronger than fighting. There's a good and a bad way to go about this. Right now you're just spittin' words, and that's just going to get one another bitter and not wanna work together. BUT...if you can find constructive criticism in your harsh critiques, then perhaps we can make this happen. So, Vera, you worry about Alex being on drugs?" "I don't work high," Alexis said flatly, "I'm not that big an asshole, jesus. Who cares what I do in my spare time?" "She has a point," John said. "It's not even about your drug habit," Vera said, "which, you're right, is entirely your business. It's about the fact that you don't behave properly at these events. So many times parents call me up afterwards, and even sometimes during, and tell me things that I cannot believe I'm hearing. Stuff like how you break the illusion of character by talking like a normal person instead of a pirate, or how you sometimes swear. We're supposed to be selling an immersive, family friendly experience." "We're selling babysitting services and childrens entertainment, don't make it more than it is," Alexis said, looking away and folding her arms, "...that being said, I'll try not to swear, you are right, that isn't appropriate around kids. I guess it became so normalized because my parents swore around me all the time, but that doesn't mean it's okay for me to swear around other peoples children. I'll try and do better on that." Vera smiled, and John nodded. "See," he said, "see what happens when we talk firmly, but politely, instead of just screaming at one another? This is what communication and teamwork actually looks like. I've been doing this for 20 years, and let me tell you, in that time, I've rarely worked with others because I've found it impossible to meet with their ridiculous standards. But you all took this upon yourselves, started this business, hell, even left the old one from what Lil told me. That's...that's commitment to your craft, dedication to your work. This is something you decided to do together, so let's make it work for everyone involved, okay?" Lilian and Josh were sitting a bit away, at another table, and listening to John. Josh finally looked at Lilian, who was just smiling like an idiot. "Where'd you find this guy?" Josh asked. "They ran into my car, but they also performed at my party when I was a little girl," she said, "...he's...oddly endearing, plus he's been doing this line of work for so long that I figured it might help to bring him in and get everyone on the same track, which he seems to be doing. I spent the last two weeks just trying to get him to agree to do this." "Well, he seems pretty good at it," Josh said, "...what do you think about Miranda? I like that name." Lilian smiled and leaned in, kissing them. "I like it too," she whispered. *** "Dad?" Maddie asked softly, prodding her father in his side, but he merely rolled over and groaned. What could he have meant by saying 'stop her'? Stop who? Her mother? Was her mother doing something to him? Impossible. Maddie knew her parents all too well, despite never getting to spend time with them. They were a lot of things, but they weren't killers. Maddie sighed and leaned back into her chair, licking her lips. Thirsty. She looked around and spotted a glass on the bedside table her father had been given, but hadn't drank from. Maddie leaned forward, picked up the glass and looked at it. Still cold. It was carrot juice, something her father loved, and Maddie herself enjoyed. He wouldn't mind, after all, he hadn't drank from it. She lifted the glass to her lips when suddenly she felt it flung from her hands, the glass falling onto the carpeted floor, the carrot juice spilling everywhere. Maddie was in shock, not just at the action taken, but also at the fact that her father had somehow found the will to sit upright long enough to do this. He then collapsed onto his back and groaned. Maddie got up and looked over him in the bed. "Dad?" she asked. "Don't drink what she gives me," he whispered. "...what? Why not?" Her father grimaced, tears in his eyes, his lips quivering. "Because it's poisoned," he said. John Tarnum walked outside his trailer and headed to his mailbox. It was a beautiful day, the kind of beautiful day that, at one point in time, he might've savored. Now, however, they simply annoyed him. He groaned as he shielded his eyes from the suns ever present and relentless rays, and headed down the walk to his mailbox, tugging at the lid until it flopped open. He reached inside and grabbed his mail, then stood there and leafed through it momentarily. A few checks. Junk. A magazine subscription. And then...at the very end...there was a letter. A letter with clearly child written words on the front. This piqued his interest and so he slit the top and pulled out the paper inside, which had the same discernible child hand writing all over it. It read:
"Dear Mr. Stinko, thank you for coming to my birthday party! You were SO funny! I told all my friends who didn't come about you, and now they want you for their parties! I drew this for you! Love, Marie." And that's when he heard the plop sound. He looked down to the dirt and noticed another piece of folded paper, so he knelt down and grabbed it. He stood back up and unfolded the paper, and his eyes were immediately filled with tears. Inside was her rendition of himself, dressed as a clown, and the birthday girl, also dressed as a clown, having a lot of fun together. He wiped his eyes on his long sleeve shirt, then tucked the letter and the drawing neatly back into the envelope, just as his neighbor, an older woman named Harriet, came out to get her own mail. "Anything good today, John?" she asked. "...yeah, yeah there was," he replied, smiling like an idiot, before heading back inside. John Tarnum's life was awful, but every now and then, Stinko the Clown managed to bring a little bit of light into someone else's life, and that, he figured, was worth the effort. *** "Why would anyone ruin perfectly good pancakes by putting stuff in them?" Alexis asked as she, Lillian and Tyler sat at the table in the diner eating breakfast; she skewered a pancake piece with her fork, and held it up, seemingly examining it as she continued, "and why do I, despite knowing the outcome, fall for its lies every single time? You'd think by this point I'd recognize that pancakes with stuff in them are awful, be they blueberries, chocolate chips or anything else." "It's hope," Lillian said, biting into her breakfast sandwich, "you have hope. You so badly wanna be proven wrong that you keep believing there'll one day be a chance that a waitress will set down a plate of special pancakes and you'll finally understand the appeal. It's admirable, if anything." "...Ew, I'm hopeful? That's disgusting," Alexis said, making them laugh. "So," Tyler said, "what's everyone doing for their day off?" "I have errands to run," Lillian said, "laundry, groceries, you know, all that fun stuff everyone loves so much. You guys?" "I'm gonna go home, lie on the couch and watch nature documentaries about giant fish," Alexis said. "Oooh, I like that option," Tyler remarked, taking a sip of his coffee before saying, "I think I'm gonna do what Alexis is doing, but at my place. Maybe I'll bake something." "You bake?" Alexis asked, "That's so wholesome." Lillian checked her watch and groaned. "I guess I better get going," she said, nudging Tyler so he'd scoot out and let her free from the booth, which he did. She stood at the side of the table and pulled her jacket on, then pulled her long hair up into a messy bun and sighed, looking at them both before saying, "Welp, have a good day, don't get into trouble." Alexis and Tyler watched Lillian leave, then Alexis looked back at Tyler and said, "let's do crimes while she's gone." Lillian headed out through the main doors and into the parking lot. She pulled open her car door and slid into the drivers seat, pushing her keys into the ignition, then starting the engine before sighing again and pulling her rearview mirror down and looking at her face, her makeup job. She hadn't been feeling all that attractive lately, despite Josh's utter insistence that she was the most beautiful girl ever. She pushed the mirror back up and then backed out of the parking lot and onto the street, heading on her way to do her errands. Her princess dress was laying in the backseat of the car amongst other laundry, a vigilant reminder that no matter what day it was, she was never too far from being at work. *** John was standing in line at a bakery. He was looking at the pictures on the wall beside him, historic shots of the location, their opening, things like that. He'd been in line for 15 minutes now, and was beginning to get frustrated. How long's it take someone to order a box of donuts? After a minute of looking at an old advertising piece hung on the wall, he noticed the woman in front of him was looking back at him and sneering, which got his attention. "What?" he asked. "Can you believe this?" she asked, "she's holding up the entire line." John glanced around her and up to the front counter where he saw another woman, with a little girl beside her who happened to have a prosthetic leg. The little girl seemed to almost be in tears, and the woman - presumably the mother - looked fed up. John asked the woman to hold his spot, then walked past the line and up to the front where he stopped at the couple, both of whom looked at him. "Yes?" the woman asked. "Well it's just that you're holding up the entire line and I figured I'd do everyone a favor and figure out WHY that is," he said, shrugging. "Because I'm dealing with a child who doesn't understand the concept of 'no'," the woman said, "do you have children? Because if you don't, then I doubt you'd understand." "I had a daughter, yes, and I work with children every day," John said, "so what, she wants something and you don't wanna get it for her and she's understandably upset by this transaction, am I right in assuming what's happening here? Because it seems to me that she's already got a bum hand in life by being disabled. Not because being disabled is a bad thing, but because of how society will treat her for it. And then you, her own mother, is gonna tell her she can't have, what, a cookie? A pastry? The one person she should be able to count and depend on, especially in her situation, is gonna tell her she can't have a single nice thing that might make her day even a smidge better?" A silence filled the bakery, as everyone was watching now with baited breath. The woman, whose jaw was slightly ajar from this mans sudden approach and verbal assault, took a long deep breath and then blinked a few times, as if she was having trouble seeing what was actually happening in front of her. "Cause like it or not, your kid is disabled, and her world is already smaller because of that. Why take away one of the few creature comforts left for a child dealing with such a persistent life long issue?" John asked, "the person holding up the line isn't her for not understanding the value of 'no', it's you, for not understanding the value of 'yes' when said to her in the right moments. What do you want, sweetheart, what is it your own mother won't get for you?" John asked, kneeling down to the little girls eye level. She sniffled and wiped her eyes on her sweater sleeve, glancing up at her mother, then back at John. "I just wanted a sprinkle donut, that's all," she managed to whisper. John nodded, stood back up, ordered a sprinkled donut and, upon getting it over the counter, handed it to the little girl, before looking at her mother and smiling. "There," he said, "now she knows she can depend on strangers to make her feel better moreso than her own family. It's sadly a lesson we all must learn eventually," he said, before walking back to his spot in line. The woman in front of him, who'd been holding his spot, had the biggest grin on her face as she turned to look at him now behind her once more. "You were amazing," she said. "I do what I can," John remarked. And it's true. When it came to helping little girls, John Tarnum did what he could, no matter what the cost. *** Standing in the cereal aisle of the grocery store, looking at various boxes, Lillian couldn't believe her whole life could come to a grinding halt on deciding on breakfast foods. She heard a cart coming down the aisle behind her, which then stopped, and then she heard someone walk up beside her and looked down to see Maddy. "Hey!" she said happily, as Maddie hugged her around the waist; Lillian glanced around and asked, "are you...are you here by yourself?" "No, my mom's here, but she's in the bathroom so she told me to push the cart by myself for a bit and go get some cereal," Maddison said, "...what kind of cereal do you like?" "Oh god, all of it, honestly, and that's the problem," Lillian said, "do I want something that's pure sugar, do I want something that pretends it isn't pure sugar but is almost pure sugar, or do I want something that's so healthy that it's inedible and the equivalent of eating a rotted garden hose?" Maddie laughed, and Lillian smiled. She liked these times when she and Maddy were alone. It reminded herself of being a child with her own mother, when they did get along, when things were actually good, when she wasn't doing pageants. "I like the ones that come with toys," Maddie said, "but they don't really do that much anymore." "It's true! A time honored tradition killed by a poor economy," Lillian said, shaking her head, "when will the senseless killing end?" Just then they heard someone walking up behind them, and they both turned to see Maddie's mother, Jessie, standing there. She was just standing there, watching Maddie interact with Lillian, and smiled when the girls turned to see her. Lillian felt something drop in the pit of her stomach, and she tucked her hair back behind one of her ears, smiling nervously. "H-hi," she said, "uh, I'm Lillian Phillips, I'm a friend of your daughters babysitter, and your daughter, I guess." "I know who you are," Jessie said, "it's fine, you don't have to be nervous. Thanks for keeping her company while I was in the bathroom. So, you find some cereal you like?" Maddie nodded, grabbing a box and tossing it into the cart, then waving goodbye to Lillian. Jessie also waved goodbye to Lillian, and together they continued on down the aisle. Lillian stood there, somewhat speechless but also uncertain of what Maddie's mom must think of her. Why would a grown woman wanna be friends with a little girl? It didn't strike Jessie as weird at all? And certainly, Lillian had no creepy ulterior motives. She was just genuinely concerned for Maddie's well being, as was Rina, but from the outside looking in, especially as a parent, it had to seem strange, right? Lillian sighed and picked out a few boxes of cereal herself, then continued with her shopping. She figured she'd take her dress to the cleaners next. After all, she had to be back at work the next day, and a princess certainly couldn't be seen in a dirty gown. *** John couldn't get the little girl from the bakery off his mind. He hated parents like that woman. Parents who intentionally made their childs lives a living hell for the sake of teaching them something, when in reality they're teaching them the wrong things in the worst ways. He wanted to talk that woman down some more, but there was only so much you can say to someone like her. Eventually your words of wisdom go in one ear and out the other. John chewed his lip and thought about his daughter, fighting back tears. He came to a red light and stopped, tapping along on his steering wheel with his fingers to the song on the radio. His eyes casually glanced down and noticed the wedding ring on his finger, and he smiled a little. The light changed to green again, and he kept driving. What was it, he wondered, that made people unable to think about how it feels to be a child? At what point in life does a person seem to lose the ability to remember how big and scary and unfair the world once felt, and not because the world is actually those things, but simply because you were so young it just seemed all that much worse. On one hand John hated pseudo science, and laughed at the idea of the 'inner child', but on the other hand he knew full well it was a real thing, and that by scoffing at it, he was only hurting himself and his work. He knew that kids who didn't enjoy being kids often hate being adults, and long to be kids again when they're older. If you don't have a happy childhood, your chances of having a happy adulthood are even less, he found. But he couldn't think about it for too long, because not only did it depress him, but he was so lost in his thought that he didn't see the car in front of him had stopped again, and he hit them. Metal on metal, glass shattering from the taillights, John immediately swore under his breath and climbed out of the car. As he walked around to the front, he saw the driver of the other car getting out as well. A long hair brunette, tall and lanky, surveying the damage. She sighed and ran a hand through her shiny hair as John approached. "I am SO sorry," he said, "Sincerely, I'll...I'll pay for any damage and-" "No, it's fine, I co-own a business, I have good insurance," she replied, "I'm just...I'm gonna need a ride to work now because I can't show up in not just a jalopy but a beat up jalopy at that." "I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry, I wasn't...I wasn't paying attention, and, god, lemme give you my card, and you can call me and we can work something out and-" He began to dig around in his wallet, before pulling out a business card and handing it to her. He then knelt down and inspected the taillights, as if he knew anything about what he was looking at. The woman looked at his card and then looked down at him. He was rubbing his forehead and sighing profusely. "Christ," he muttered, "uh, look, I'd still like to give you something, money or something, and-" "Stinko?" she asked, as he slowly rose back up and looked at her, one eyebrow raised as she continued, "Stinko the Clown?" "Yeah, I...I'm a clown, I do parties, sorry it's not the most professional card or name, but-" "...you performed at my birthday," the woman said, "Do you remember me? My name is Lillian. I was...I was hiding out in my plastic castle in the backyard when you found me and you were kinda drunk, and...and you just hung out with me for a while. Do you...do you remember me?" John pushed his hands into his coat pockets and exhaled, shaking his head. "Holy shit does time fly," he said. |
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A young woman named Lilian Phillips, who plays a princess at birthday parties, befriends a little girl who had a child die at her own birthday party. Archives
April 2024
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