"Sweetheart?"
The voice did nothing to snap Maddie from her stupor. "Sweetheart, will you look at me?" the voice asked again, and this time Maddie finally looked up; kneeling in front of her was a nice older woman with a bob haircut, smiling gently as she asked, "is there anything I can get for you? Anything you want at all? Are you hungry?" "...I'm a bad person," Maddie mumbled. "You are not a bad person, Maddison," the woman said, putting her hand on Maddie's knee, "you were given an awful choice, and you made the right decision. You saved your fathers life. If anyone is a bad person here, it's your mother, alright? Now, your father will be okay, he is resting right now, but they're going to want to do more tests later. Why don't you sit here for a bit, and I'll go get you something to eat, okay? Something good and fun, like fast food?" Maddie smiled and nodded, appreciative of the womans help. As she watched the woman walk away, she looked back down at the floor and kicked her feet, which now were beginning to reach the ground. When had she gotten so tall? When had she grown up so much? She was so busy looking after her parents she was losing track of her childhood. Maddie heard the sounds of heels walking across the floor in front of her, and recognized them. She looked up and saw Lilian. "Lily?" she asked, causing Lilian to stop in her tracks, back up and come back to Maddie. "Maddi, honey, what are you doing here?" she asked. "...I called the cops on my mom," she whispered, "...what are you doing here?" Lilian didn't know what to tell her. Does a child even understand what an overdose is? Sure, Maddison was intelligent, but...no. She needed to be honest with her. No other adult was. "Alexis had an accident," Lilian said weakly, kneeling in front of Maddie's chair, "uh, we don't know how she's gonna be right now, it could...it could be bad. It's so nice to see you though. I'm proud of you for doing the right thing." Maddie leaned in and hugged Lilian, and Lilian hugged her back, and together they cried. Just two sad, scared little girls lost in a big, mean world. *** John was sitting next to Alexis's bed, his face on the sheet, his hand cupping one of hers tightly. Alexis was unconscious, an oxygen mask over her face. The door opened, and John roused from his light nap, wiping at his face with his other arm as he glanced around, noticing a very well put together woman about Alexis's age entering the room. She looked identical, and it made John confused for a moment. She was dressed in a button down short sleeve floral blouse and high waisted jeans. "Can I help you?" John asked. "I'm Geena, I'm Alex's sister," Geena said, "...who are you?" "I'm John, I'm...I'm the one who found her," John said. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that," Geena said, "I'm surprised they let you in here." John looked at Alexis and smiled. "...I wasn't about to let her be in here alone," he said quietly before glancing back at Geena, "...did they call you?" "Mhm," Geena said, "I'm her emergency contact, being her twin and all. But it's not like we see one another often enough to really warrant that being a thing. Can you tell me what happened? Nobody would tell me anything, they just told me where she was." John sighed and rubbed his face, hating to relive it. "Um," he started, "...I was...I was going over to her apartment to make dinner for her, and when I got there, the place was empty, so I started picking up for her and I...I took some clothes into the bathroom and dumped them in the hamper, and I...I noticed that, uh, that the floor was wet, so I thought something had flooded, but when I looked around, I realized she was in the bathtub and was almost drowning. She had clearly taken something. I dragged her out, and..." He couldn't keep going, he just started crying and Geena quickly stood up and walked over to John, patting him on the back. "Hey, shhh, it's okay, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, but it's okay. You saved her," Geena said, "okay? Think about the good you did. I know it's hard to push the horrors from your head, but still." "she can't die," John said through sobs, "i can't lose another one." Geena didn't know what that meant, but she didn't need to. She recognized deep pain when she saw it, working as a therapist after all, and she knew what he needed was comfort, not questions. She hugged him, and John turned to cry against her, finally letting go of Alexis's hand. That was the thing that Geena knew most of all, was that men needed to cry, and the world often didn't allow them to. *** Tyler entered Vera's apartment, his arms full of takeout from the place down the street and around the block. Since they had the day off, he figured they could spend it inside, eating, relaxing, watching movies. Something they rarely got to do. As he shut the door with his foot and placed the bags on the kitchen counter, he noticed Vera sitting on the couch, her face frozen, her cordless phone at her feet. Tyler walked over to the couch and picked up the phone from the ground, then looked at Vera, confused. "Vera? Babe?" he asked. "...I killed her," Vera whispered. "What?" "Alexis is in the hospital, she OD'd," Vera said, still facing the same way, never once making eye contact, "...I killed her." "Is she...?' "No, but...but she could, and it'd be my fault," Vera said, "all I've done lately is harangue her with my morals, and...and who says my morals are even right? Who am I to tell her how to live? And now I'm saying this after what's happened, like that excuses my actions the last few months. Like you only learn a lesson once it's too late or something. I wasn't hating her, I was trying to protect a business, but that...that's disgusting. I was putting the sanctity of a company above the safety of a friend. I know the company is important to us, it's our livelihood but..." Vera finally looked at Tyler and shut her eyes, shaking her head. "I don't think I can run this anymore," she said quietly, starting to cry. Tyler sat down beside her and rubbed her back, kissing the side of her head, his voice low and calming. "It's okay honey," he said, almost whispering, "we can find someone else to run things, okay? You need to step away and focus on yourself, okay? You'll be okay, I promise. We'll be okay. I'll help you through this. You don't have to navigate it alone. We'll do whatever needs to be done to make things work." Vera smiled as she laid her head on Tyler's chest. She was so lucky to have someone so good love her. But everytime she closed her eyes, all she saw was Alexis. She was never going to be able to forgive herself if she actually died. *** "What?" Lilian and Maddison asked in unison, both shocked at her the womans statement. The woman from earlier had returned with food for Maddie, and while she was sharing her fries with Lilian, the woman had told them that, in a brief moment of wakefulness and lucidity, Maddison's father had asked Lilian to take Maddie until he could get out of the hospital and recover. "Considering it's a direct request from her father, we have to honor it," the woman said, "if you don't mind, ma'am." "I...no, I...I don't mind, I'm just shocked is all," Lilian said, "I'd have to make some adjustments, it's not like my place is exactly kid ready, but...we could make it work." "And you're okay with this?" the woman asked, looking at Maddie, who nodded eagerly as she bit into the burger the woman had brought her; the woman smiled and nodded, "alright then, I'll go get the paperwork started." After the walked away, Maddie looked at Lilian, who was sipping absentmindedly on the drink the woman had brought back, when she noticed Maddie looking at her. The girls stared at one another, neither one sure of what exactly to say in a situation like this. After a few minutes of chewing and sitting and thinking, Lilian finally sighed and tossed her hair. "I guess I gotta get you a bed," she said. "I could just sleep in a dog bed on the floor," Maddie said, making Lilian laugh. "Holy hell, I only JUST got custody of a kid, please do not make CPS look into me this fast," she said. "Can I get a pet?" Maddie asked. "Okay, that's it, I'm finding someone else to take you," Lilian said, both of them laughing. Meanwhile, in Alexis's room, John and Geena were still sitting in their respective seats, the only sound filling the silence was the sound of the machines Alexis was hooked up to. John ran his hand through his hair and exhaled, while Geena filed her nails in her chair, her legs crossed. John leaned back in his chair and checked his watch. "Did she ever tell you she almost drowned when we were kids?" Geena asked. "Huh?" "Did Alexis ever tell you she almost drowned when we were kids?" Geena asked, "we were at the beach, cause we were kinda poor and the beach was free so we went a lot. Anyway she was rescued by this lifeguard, and she had been under the water so long she nearly drowned from the water she'd swallowed. I remember standing there, watching this poor teenage girl trying to save my sister, and just thinking to myself 'what does a twin do if one half of them dies?', cause even though we'd never been particularly close, we were still twins." "...what...why are you telling me this?" John asked. "Cause I find it kinda ironic that she almost drowned again," Geena said, "I know she OD'd, but the fact that she did so in a bathtub is...I don't know...so beautifully circular? I'm thankful you found her though. I don't want my sister to die. I just wish I'd been around more so she would've trusted me enough to talk to about her drug problems." "She doesn't have a drug problem," John said, "people have a problem with her using drugs. That's the issue here." Geena smirked and nodded, admiring this strangers determination to defend her sister. "If she has to date someone, I'm glad it's someone as considerate as you, even if you're a bit older, cause-" "What?" John asked, laughing, "we...we are NOT dating. No. I just..." John looked back at Alexis, smiling as he chewed on his thumbnail. "...she's like a daughter to me," John said, "that's all it is. I'm sick of seeing young girls hurt by the world, and I decided I wouldn't let it happen again. She deserved to have someone love her, and since nobody else seemed interested enough to do the job, I guess I took the offer." Geena was surprised. The way John had acted, had spoken, she had really expected him to be Alexis's boyfriend. Sure, the age gap was weird, but who was she to judge? They were consenting adults. Alexis was in her twenties. She was a grown ass woman. But to hear his motivations were even more pure than she'd expected? That certainly threw her preconceptions for a loop. "...thank you," Geena said softly, "thank you for caring about my sister." "Trust me, it's my pleasure," John replied. *** Lilian opened the door to the apartment and let Maddison inside. Miranda was already there, cooking, when she noticed them come in. She stepped away, apron on and everything, and was surprised to see Maddie. Maddie ran to put her things in the spare bedroom, as Lilian stopped and looked at Miranda. "...so, let me get this straight," Miranda said, one hand on her hip, "I ask you to go out and pick up garlic, and instead you bring back a 9 year old?" "Alexis is in the hospital," Lilian said, "I was going to the grocery when I got the call, and so then I went there and while there, I found Maddie. She turned her mom into the cops for poisoning her father. Until her dad gets better, he's asked me to take care of her, so I guess I have a kid now." "Well then you need to start dressing like a mom," Miranda said as Lilian threw a small plastic bag at her, which she caught and grinned, "awww, you got my garlic anyway?" "Picked it up on the way home," Lilian replied, plopping herself down on the couch. Miranda put the garlic on the counter then joined her on the couch, putting one arm around Lilian's shoulders and laying her head on her as Lilian sighed and continued; "...all I wanted to do was make sure she was okay. I experienced something awful at her age, and it traumatized me for years. I wanted to make sure that didn't happen again. But she...she's better off psychologically than anyone else I know. Well, maybe not Stinko, but. Now she's here, living with me." "Are you worried you won't be able to handle the responsibility of caring for a child?" Miranda asked. "Actually no, I think I'll handle that just fine. After all, I've spent my life making kids happy. That isn't the problem," Lilian said, "the problem is I didn't expect any of this. But I guess I also didn't expect you either, so maybe the unexpected is the stuff I should embrace." Miranda blushed and kissed her on the cheek before getting back up to continue cooking. As she headed back into the kitchen, Maddie rejoined them in the living room, sitting on the couch now where Miranda had been. Lilian looked at her. "You all settled in?" she asked. "It's kinda dark in there," Maddie said, "Can we get a night light?" Lilian chuckled and nodded, patting her on the head. "We can do whatever it takes to make you comfortable," Lilian said. The one thing Lilian swore to herself was to make sure she never treated Maddie the way her own mother had treated her. Maddison was a person unto herself, and she deserved to be respected and listened to. And, of course above all else...she would NEVER make Maddie do beauty pageants. *** It was later in the evening, and Geena had gone home, promising to be back tomorrow. John was still in his seat, reading a magazine about home and garden renovations that Geena had brought with her, his other hand still holding Alexis's, when he finally felt her squeeze it. He put his magazine down flat on his lap and looked at her. Her eyes were barely open, but she was smiling at him. "Thinking of doing putting in a flower garden?" Alexis asked, making John laugh as she asked, "...have you been holding my hand?" "I haven't let go of you since they brought you in," John said. "...that's so sweet," Alexis whispered, coughing, raspy. "Just try not to talk, okay? You're gonna need a lot of rest and recovery," John said, "don't worry, I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere again, okay? I won't let you be alone again. Are you hungry, do you want something to eat? Actually, I don't know when you can start eating. I'm not sure you can even eat solid foods for a while, you might have to be on a liquid diet of some kind. Like you need the help, you're thin as hell as it is, lord knows you need some-" "John," Alexis whispered, getting his attention again. "Yeah?" "...just hold me," she added, and he nodded, leaning onto the bed, resting his forehead on hers and stroking her hair softly. "Whatever you want, baby girl," he said. A few moments passed. The beeps of the machines once again filled in the cracks between the silence. "I'm going to legally adopt you," John said, and Alexis started crying, smiling. "Okay," she replied, "I think I'd like that." It was going to be a long road to recovery for Alexis, but thankfully, she had John by her side, and lord knows if anyone knows how to lighten the mood even in the worst of times... ...it's a damn clown.
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"We are not leaving this room until you two hash things out, because this has got to stop," Tyler said.
Tyler had dragged Vera down to Alexis's, and then stood himself in front of the door with it locked. He was determined to get their problems co-existing under control, because, quite frankly, Stinko was right. Things had gotten out of hand and it was beginning to affect those around them. Vera was seated on a little stool, while Alexis was on the couch, fidgeting with her fake nails. Neither one had said nary a word since they'd been put in this tiny space together, and Tyler didn't see that changing for a while. But god dammit, he was determined. He'd stand here all night if he had to. Someone had to get Vera to cool her jets, and he figured that that someone was most likely to be him. "Well," he said, sighing, "I'll start then, if neither of you are interested enough to do so. I'll be the adult for once and take the first step. Vera, why are you so adamantly against Alexis in almost every conceivable way one could be? What, really, has she done to hurt you? She hasn't damaged the companies reputation. She gets her work done, the kids love her, and that's all that matters. There's been virtually no complaints, save one overprotective mother who was more likely just a bitch than someone with an actual legitimate concern, so where do your issues with her lie?" Vera shook her head and looked at her feet. Tyler sighed and scratched the back of his head, beginning to pace around the room. Alexis leaned back on the couch and crossed her legs. "Okay, let's try it this way then...Alexis, why do you think Vera hates you?" Tyler asked. "I could easily give you ten reasons right now," Alexis said, "but the biggest issue isn't why she hates me, but why she hates this particular version of me. When I was sober for a little while, she loved me. She was thrilled for me. She kept recommending me. But as soon as I do anything remotely associated with making myself feel anything at all again, she has the audacity to treat me like less than a person. So what do you have against what I do, Vera? That's the question." Vera chewed her lip and thought about responding. She knew if she opened up about this, it would open up more about herself. Things about herself she wasn't sure she was ready to face, let alone have others know. Was it finally time to talk about these? Maybe, she thought, if it could help save her friend, it would be. *** "Dad's getting worse," Maddie said, sitting in Lilian's car outside the diner, parked in the parking lot. "Yeah but is his getting worse proven by efforts of your mother to make him do so?" Lilian asked, "that's the real question here, because we've been over this before. You and John have been over this even. Could be delirium, could be them trying to turn you against one another. Could be a million things. Do you think you have any proof she's doing anything?" "No, and that's what sucks," Maddie said, slumping in the passenger seat, "if she is in fact doing something, she's doing it really well. And what if she is, but I can't prove it, and he dies and then I go the rest of my life being unsure whether he died cause of mom or not. What then?" Lilian sighed and shook her head. "I...I really don't know, honey," she replied quietly, "I wish I could tell you what to do, what the right answer would be, but I can't. I just don't know enough to make a guess. Do you have any reason to think your dad might be lying to you? Has he ever lied to you before? And has your mom?" "Dad never lied to me," Maddie said, "...mom, though...mom's made a bunch of promises she's never kept. She's lied to me about a lot of things. Promising she'd take me somewhere, help me do something...do you think that's indicative of a possible secret?" "That's a big word for a kid your size," Lilian said, smirking, "but it could be. I think you need to talk to your dad. I think you need to just sit down with him when she's not home, and just get any kind of answer out of him that you can. He's the only one who's going to be able to give you a concrete kind of proof." "And what do I do if it's true?" Maddie asked. A moment passed. Neither one spoke. "...we'll figure it out," Lilian said, patting Maddie on the shoulder, "We always do." *** Where to start? Well, Vera thought, perhaps she could begin with her brother. How her brother had met a girl who, like Alexis, enjoyed using drugs fairly liberally and rather casually to increase the pleasure of life, and how she got her brother into it too. She could talk about how her brother became more addicted to the girl, who - after surviving a frightening period of near death - got her life together, quit doing her extracurriculars and then failed to help Vera's brother. She could talk about how her brother continued on this downward slump until the girl decided it was too dangerous for her to continue being around him, even in a helpful manner, because she could potentially fall back into it herself. She could talk about finding her brother dead on the couch. She could talk about how her parents had never gotten over their grief. But what good would it do? Alexis didn't have family. She'd never lost anyone to this sort of thing. The empathy that may come from such an admission would be, if nothing more, than base pity instead of recognizable recognition. She had to do it in a way that made Alexis feel important, not ancillary. Vera took a deep breath, and finally spoke. "I'm scared you might die," Vera said, "I'm afraid that, one day, you'll be found here, in this room, OD'd, and they won't be able to save you. You're an extremely funny, talented, ambitious young lady and I'd hate to see that kind of shining light taken by something that you should have control over, not the other way around." "Young lady? We're like the same age," Alexis said, chuckling. "I don't hate you," Vera said, "I really don't, and I'm so sorry if I ever said I did or you ever got that impression from me, because it is so not the case. If anything, I care about you more than anyone else in this company. That's why I'm so bitchy, cause I'm so scared of something happening to you." "I'm safe," Alexis mumbled, "I'm safe about what I do. It's recreational. I know what it is I'm doing." "That may be so, but it doesn't mean it's not dangerous," Vera said, "you have to recognize that, even with knowing what you do, even with doing it fairly safely, it'll never BE 'safe'. You'll always be at risk of something going wrong." Alexis leaned back into her couch, reaching up and running her hands through her hair as she chewed on her lip. Her eyes went from Vera to Tyler, who nodded at her, smiling, before heading back down to Vera. Vera, it felt, was finally being honest with her, and now Alexis didn't know how to respond. How does one act when a relationship that is nothing but combative suddenly becomes anything else? She just didn't know. She didn't know how to be friends with someone who so clearly, to this point, acted like she didn't want to be friends with her. "I appreciate your honesty, and I appreciate you worrying about me," Alexis said, sitting upright now, "but, and I say this with the upmost confidence in myself - something I rarely have - that what I do I do safely, and I would never do it on the job. I am a user, not an addict. There is a distinct difference between those two things." Vera nodded, listening. "...I don't have a lot," Alexis said, motioning with her hands around her apartment, "but what I DO have is the ability to, for even just an hour or two, escape my sad sorry reality and feel sorta normal. It's nice. I'll never be better than this, and I've accepted that, so I take my little joys where I can find them. This is where I've found them. I'm sorry if that makes others uncomfortable, but it's the only thing that makes me comfortable. I'm glad you don't hate me though. That is nice to know." Vera smiled, and Alexis smiled back. Tyler sighed, feeling relieved for the first time in months. If nothing else, they could perhaps walk away from today with the knowledge that they aren't enemies, even if they aren't friends. For Tyler, that was more than enough progress from one meeting. *** Maddie crept into her parents bedroom and flicked the bedside lamp on. She climbed up onto the bed and sat beside her father, who was breathing weakly. He opened his eyes and looked up at her, his chest rising and falling slowly, his eyes so empty of color. Maddie bit her lip to keep from crying when he tried to smile at her. When Lilian had dropped her off tonight, Maddie had taken her advice and decided - since her mother wouldn't be home until later - that she could utilize this time to get information from her father, maybe. "You're not gonna get better, are you?" she finally asked. "Not if things don't change," he replied weakly, his voice raspy, "she's keeping me sick." "You're not lying to me, are you?" she asked. "Why would I ever lie to you? I know I haven't been the best dad, I know I work a lot, but I'd never lie to you about anything," her father said, "...Maddie...how many times since I've been back from the hospital have I gone back to the doctor?" Maddie thought for a moment, then looked back at her father, scared. "...zero." "Exactly, and that doesn't seem weird to you?" he asked, trying to sit up but coughing in the process; he continued, "I mean...if I wasn't getting better, wouldn't that mean I should go back? Have tests run? But no. I'm here, in this bed, and the only person who's been taking care of me is your mother. I know home life has been rough, especially since the party, but Maddie I need you to trust me, please. I'm going to die if you don't." Maddie stared at her father, her eyes filling with tears. He made sound points, and he wasn't getting better which only further proved those points. That being said, if she did what he wanted...and she was wrong...her mother could be facing unfair charges. Then again, as Lilian had made her realize earlier in the day, her mother had lied to her a dozen times over while her father never had. She was just a little girl. She shouldn't have to save her family. *** John couldn't make up his mind. Standing in the chip aisle at the grocery store, he was beginning to realize just how much time and effort these days went into understanding the difference between chip variations, and how stupid it all was. He set his basket down by his feet and picked up two bags, trying to compare them, when he heard someone coming up behind him. He looked to his side and saw Lilian standing there, holding a basket of her own. They smiled at one another for a second, before he went back to chip analyzation. "Didn't realize we shopped in the same places," Lilian said. "I actually normally don't come here, but the store I usually go to is having renovations done," John said, "a section of their roof collapsed, so now I'm forced to seek food elsewhere." "You could just become a hunter/gatherer," Lilian said, shrugging. "Do I look like own a loincloth?" John replied, the both of them chuckling; he tossed one bag into the basket, then said, "besides, not all of this is for me. I'm picking up food to make for dinner and I'm gonna cook Alexis a meal. Poor girl looks like she doesn't eat well, so I figured it's up to me to rectify that." "How dadly of you." "I do what I can." "What are you making?" Lilian asked. "Not really sure just yet," John said, "I tried calling her a few times, but she didn't pick up. She must've been busy. Regardless, it would've been nice to have had some input from her, but I guess instead now I'll just have to guess and hope what I do is something she'll enjoy. And if she doesn't, I'll order in and I'll take what I cooked home to eat. Just wanna give the kid some company." Lilian liked how John acted towards Alexis. She knew Alexis's family had been rather distant with her, and she knew she spent most of her time alone, so it was nice to know that someone out there was acting parental towards her, even if she was in her twenties. John and Lilian said their goodbyes, and John went to finish his shopping. Eventually he headed to checkout. He paid, carried his groceries to his car and started to drive over to Alexis's. She had given him a key the night of the Clownies, after he'd dropped her off at home, just in case, so he could easily get in without her. when John got inside the apartment, all the lights were on, so he knew she was here. He piled the grocery bags onto the counter and then sighed, shaking his head, hand on his hip as he looked around the room. He began picking things up, tidying after her. "Hey kiddo, I'm here to cook something!" he shouted, but to no response. He gathered up her dirty clothes from the floor and headed into the bathroom, figuring there'd be a hamper, which there was. He dumped the armful of dirty clothes into the hamper, then turned the bathroom lights on. He glanced at himself in the mirror before realizing his shoes were wet. He looked down and noticed that the entire bathroom was filled with water, like a pipe had burst and begun to flood. John groaned and turned to face the bathtub when he slipped. He reached back, grabbing the sink and saving himself, though twisting his back in the process. He groaned and stood back up, when his eyes finally landed on the tub. The tub was full. The tub was overflowing. And lying in the tub was Alexis, looking pale. A surge of terror shot through John's body. John quickly shot over to the bathtub, stumbling on the floor, and began pulling her out. She was almost under the water entirely, her face just barely above the surface of the water, so she hadn't drowned. He tugged and got her from the tub. She was nude, so he quickly wrapped her in a towel and then raced to call an ambulance. As he waited on the phone, talking to the 911 operator, he never let his eyes leave Alexis. Was she dead? He had no idea. She looked pasty and lifeless, but he was no doctor. He hung up after giving them the address, then he sat on the soaking bathroom floor and pulled her toweled body into his arms, holding her. And then he wept. *** Jessie pulled into her driveway, the light over the garage softly flickering, when she noticed her daughter Maddie sitting on the porch step, the front door opened. Jessie parked and got out of the car, slowly approaching the house, but Maddie just backed up further away, as two cops, one male and one female, exited the house, while a stretcher carrying Maddie's father was wheeled past them. Jessie and her husbands eyes locked, and she knew then and there her life was over. Jessie looked at Maddie, and Maddie just shook her head, then stood up and went inside. "Ma'am," the female cop said, bringing Jessie back to reality, even only momentarily, "we need to ask you some serious questions." |
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A young woman named Lilian Phillips, who plays a princess at birthday parties, befriends a little girl who had a child die at her own birthday party. Archives
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