"Gotta say, not a big fan of being blindfolded outside of the bedroom," Alexis said as she sat in John's car while he drove to the predetermined destination; he smirked as she continued, adding, "usually it leads to a surprise birthday party or something of similar yet disgusting nature. It's never for anything fun, that's for sure."
"First of all, you telling me you like to be blindfolded in bed? Not necessary for me to know. You can keep some stuff to yourself," John said, "Secondly, I'm in agreement with you. I'm not a fan of it myself. Nor am I a fan of birthday parties." "Which is weird cause you're a clown." "Well, my own anyway," John said, "don't like my own birthday. Don't mind celebrating others. Anyway I promise that where we're going is definitely worth the trip and the time spent being unable to see. Besides, you're a pirate, right? You already spend a good amount of time with one eye covered. What's the difference really in losing sight in both?" Alexis laughed as John came to another turn and entered over a bump that led into a parking lot. Alexis sighed and turned her head to look out the window, only to be reminded she couldn't see anything. "You know, they say when you lose one of your senses, the others often end up working better, but I'm finding this not to be true," Alexis said. "Well, you're also not actually blind," John said, "just keep that in mind." After another few minutes, they finally parked and John climbed out of the car, went around to the passenger side and opened Alexis's door, helping her out. His hands on her arms, he guided her from behind down towards something. She could hear what sounded like water, and she tensed up, feeling uneasy. After a few minutes of walking, they finally came to a stop, and John pulled the blindfold off her face. Her eyes took a minute to adjust to the sights, but when they finally did, they were standing on a pier. "...are you...am I about to sleep with the fishes?" Alexis asked, "is this a mob hit?" Suddenly, a large boat pulled up beside them, and Alexis couldn't believe her eyes. Standing on the main deck was, of all people, her sister Geena. She couldn't decide what was worse, to be honest. To be near a large body of water, or her actual family. Each one had managed to do rather significant damage. The boat stopped alongside the pier, and Geena came down the ramp, approaching them. "I'm sorry for all the secrecy," Geena said, putting her hands on her sisters shoulders, "but...I really really wanted it to be a surprise. What do you think?" Alexis looked past her sister at the boat and sighed. "I think I'd rather go to a birthday party," she said flatly. *** Miranda and Lilian, in Lilian's car as she drove, hadn't said a word since leaving the apartment that morning. They weren't fighting, of course, just...each was lost in thought about what the day was going to be like. This was the first time Lilian would be meeting Miranda's family, and the first time Miranda would be seeing them again as herself, fully. Truth be told, she was nervous as hell, something Lilian could sense given that she was constantly clawing at her stockings. Thankfully, they'd been able to drop Maddie off with Vera again, so they had to whole day and night to themselves for this event. "You're gonna be fine, you know that, right? I'm gonna be there, and everything's gonna be okay," Lilian said as they pulled up to a stoplight and she rested her hand on Miranda's thigh. This worked a little, making Miranda smile. "The thing is, nobody could make me uncertain of who I am, I know who I am," Miranda said, "nobody can ever make me doubt that. It's more that...people in my community...we often don't have great relationships with our families. Mine was already kind of fraught, between my father and I anyway, and I just...I worry about that more than anything else. I worry about not having a family at all." "Well, you'll always have family in some form, through me and Maddie," Lilian said, patting Miranda on the thigh. Miranda smiled, albeit weakly. She appreciated what Lilian was doing, what she was trying to say, but deep down, she knew it would never be the same. Of course she'd always have them as her family of sorts, but that wasn't the same thing as having blood family. She went back to looking out the window as the light finally turned green and Lilian continued driving. Miranda didn't know how today was going to shake out...but it couldn't be worse than Alexis's day. *** "What in the name of God's green Earth would make you think I'd ever want to get on a boat, let alone get anywhere close to a large body of water again?" Alexis asked, standing on the dock. Geena looked embarrassed, and John was getting, quite frankly, fed up with Alexis's attitude. "She's trying to show you that you can overcome things!" John said, "that's what rehab is all about, right? Overcoming your adversities. Proving you're stronger than the things that weigh you down. So the water almost killed you? Get on this boat and make the water your bitch." Alexis looked past him at Geena, who was sitting on the edge of the dock. Alexis walked past John, and seated herself next to her sister. "I appreciate the gesture, for what it's worth," Alexis said. "Do you?" Geena asked. "I do!" Alexis replied, "I really, genuinely do. It's...it's nice to know that someone from my family, my sister of all people, has my best interests at heart, but-" "I came to the hospital," Geena said, interrupting, "back when you OD'd. But seeing you lying in that bed, so close to the edge...it was like seeing you lying on the beach again. I know we have our differences, but we also have our similarities, such as hating the people we grew up with. I managed to at least get myself on track, and it's nice to see you doing the same. Nobody else is, you know? Nobody else from the family is doing well at all. I just wanna help you more." Alexis sighed and, against her usual judgement, reached out and took Geena's hand in her own, squeezing it. "The thing is, I have help," Alexis said, "I've got John, and I've got all the people I work with, and this guy at the facility that I really like. But I guess you're right in the sense that it's not the same. I have friends. Cohorts. A potential romantic interest. But I don't have a sister at the moment, and that could be kinda cool." Geena smiled, wiping the tears from her eyes with her other hand. "Alright, dammit," Alexis muttered, "let's get on your damn stupid boat." *** Standing on the large covered front porch of Miranda's childhood home, waiting for her to ring the doorbell, Lilian couldn't help but feel a little jealous of her youth. Miranda had grown up in an affluent neighborhood, in a really nice home, compared to the small apartment Lilian herself had grown up in with her mother. Miranda exhaled, then reached out and pressed her finger to the doorbell, then straightened her standing, feeling Lilian take her hand and squeeze gently. "This place used to feel so..." Miranda started, looking around, before adding, "...full." "Full?" Lilian asked. "Yeah. Now everything feels so empty, and not just here, but everywhere in life, except with you," Miranda said, pulling Lilian's hand to her lips and kissing it, adding, "that's the one thing that's always fully." "You might have depression," Lilian said, "you should see my therapist. He's helped me through a lot, and he has a daughter like you. He'd be nothing but understanding." "You don't think that'd get messy, sharing a therapist?" Miranda asked, making Lilian laugh. "Well, not like we'd be seeing him together," she replied. Suddenly the front door swung open, and standing there was Miranda's mother, Ann, who lunged forward and immediately hugged Miranda without any hesitation. Miranda, not expecting this kind of hello despite having a good relationship with her mother, started to cry as she hugged her mother back. Her mother squeezed her tighter, and pressed her lips to her ear, whispering. "I missed you so much," she said, "my little girl is home." That, more than anything else, broke Miranda, who started crying even harder. Lilian just stepped aside, smiling brightly as she watched this heartwarming moment unfurl before her. As Ann pulled away from Miranda, her hands on her arms, looking at her, she then turned her attention to Lilian and smiled at her as well. "Hello," Ann said. "Mom, this is my girlfriend, Lilian," Miranda said. "It's very nice to meet-" Lilian began, holding out her hand before Ann suddenly hugged her too, taking both Lilian and Miranda by surprise. After that hug ended, Ann did the same thing; she stood in front of Lilian, staring at her, while Miranda slinked by her mother and headed into the house. Once out of earshot, Ann, her face wet with tears, cleared her throat. "Thank you so much," she said, "thank you for letting her be herself. Nobody could ever get her to do it. I accepted her, she had friends who accepted her, but none of it ever was enough to push her to do it. Whatever you did, it must've been something spectacular, because to finally see her as herself, happy, makes my heart swell." "All I did was love her," Lilian said, chuckling nervously, shrugging, "nothing too hard." "Please, come inside," Ann said. With that, she and Lilian headed inside after Miranda. Once inside, Lilian couldn't help but be jealous of the interior of the house as well. Wasn't anything amazing, just a very well kept upper suburban home, but it once again made Lilian a bit jealous for Miranda's upbringing. Ann followed Miranda past the foyer and into the living room, while Lilian stopped in the hall and looked at photos on the wall, photos on a nearby table, taking it all in. In the photos Miranda looked happy, but she could see the pain behind her eyes, especially in photos that featured her sister. Lilian picked up one photo, then heard someone come in behind her. She turned, a little surprised, to see a woman a little younger than Miranda standing there in the doorway between the foyer and the kitchen chewing on a celery stick with peanut butter on it. "I'm...I'm sorry, I hope it's okay to look at these," Lilian said, and the woman shrugged. "I don't care," she said. She had short brown hair and was wearing ripped jeans and a v-neck t-shirt with an oversized flannel overshirt. "I just...it's nice to see her as a kid," Lilian said, as the woman stopped beside her and looked at the photos as well. "Yeah, well, at least one of us wound up a happy adult," the woman said, before heading upstairs, and only then did it dawn on Lilian that that was Miranda's sister. But before she could really process this interaction she was called into the living room by Miranda, and she happily kept to the plan. *** Alexis and Geena were standing at the rail of the boat, as it sailed out onto open waters. Geena was holding Alexis's hand to keep her from getting scared, as the sound of the water lapping up against the metal of the boat certainly made Alexis jump a little each time. After a little bit, Alexis edged herself away from the siderail and back into the center of the deck, Geena following suit. "Are you doing alright?" Geena asked, and Alexis exhaled, then shook her head. "Not really, no, I'm extremely anxious, I can feel my heart racing," she said, "it's wild that one little thing can have such a negative effect on you for the rest of your life." "One little thing? You nearly drowned, Alex," Geana said, laughing. "Nearly being the operative word there," Alexis replied, "they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but I find the opposite to be true. If anything, it's just weakened me further. I have a hard time even being around pools sometimes. Water just makes me so uncomfortable." Geena picked out a root beer from a cooler on the boat and popped the top, taking a long sip. She looked around the boat, spotting John off to the side, fishing of all things, and laughed quietly to herself. She then sighed and looked back towards Alexis. "Are you mad you survived?" Geena asked. "I mean, I was a kid, so-" "No no," Geena said, waving her hand, "not survived that. Survived your OD. Are you mad that you survived that?" Alexis thought for a moment, folding her arms, chewing her lip. "...it's complicated. At first yeah, kinda. Like, I was aware I was now going to be held responsible for my actions, albeit my actions that weren't intentional, and that I'd have to answer for what happened. I was mad about dealing with the consequences of an even accidental overdose. That being said, it starts to dwindle the longer I've been back in the world of the living. I don't feel as mad now. There's twinges, moments where I wish I had just died, hadn't been found, because it feels as though death would be easier and more preferable to anything else, and that getting sober is hard and dealing with life is impossible, but on the whole, not really. Not now." "That's good to hear," Geena replied, smiling, handing Alexis her root beer, which she graciously accepted and took a long drink from as Geena continued, "I should've done more, like, to prevent you from even going down that road." "Don't say that," Alexis said, "First of all, I'm responsible for my own decisions, okay. Secondly, drugs helped me more often than they hurt me. One bad incident doesn't erase all the good they did for me. People act like drug users are terrible people without recognizing that everyone takes something for something, regardless of legality. These helped me deal with my loneliness, my depression, my anxiety. In all honesty, taking drugs probably kept me from killing myself for so long, which in turn only makes the accidental OD all that more ironic when you think about it. And third, I'm your sister, not your child. I appreciate that you care, but-" "The first two, sure, but the third one," Geena said, sniffling, "I should've been there more. I could see where you were headed, and I should've done more to try and prevent it at least. Even if you hadn't listened, I would've at least had tried, you know? You're my sister, not my kid, yeah, but that doesn't make you any less important to me, and I'm so sorry that we weren't closer after everything that happened at home." A long pause as the boat drifted gently on the waters, and they could hear some seagulls overhead. "I'm sorry I did stop him from hurting you," Geena said. "He was gonna hit me no matter what you did," Alexis remarked, "nobody could've stopped him." "I was their favorite, they might've listened to me, but I was so afraid of losing that favoritism that I didn't do anything. They played us against one another because they our strength in numbers could do damage. That doesn't excuse my actions, but it does, if nothing else, contextualizes them, and that helps me at least. I'm sorry about mom and dad." "They need to apologize, you don't need to apologize on their behalf," Alexis said sternly, "stop letting them use you for their dirty work." Geena smiled weakly, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. Alexis handed her back her root beer, as John approached them from behind, holding up a fish on the end of his line. "You actually caught something?" Geena asked. "What can I say," John started, "I'm a-" "If you make a master baiter joke right now I'm gonna push you off this boat and not rescue you," Alexis said, interrupting, the three of them cackling. *** The living room was what one might expect from a household such as this. Nice couches covered in decorative throw pillows and quilts slung over the backs, bookshelves filled with hardbacks and the usual entertainment center setup complete with flatscreen TV and the accompanying devices that it warranted; DVR, DVD player, a game system of one kind or another. Lilian didn't know much about games, so. Ann had gotten them all glasses of iced tea and some snack crackers to share, complete with cheese and meat slices adorning the tops, and the three of them sat there, anxiously nibbling on their food, sipping their drinks, unsure of how to approach the topic of conversation. "You have a beautiful home," Lilian finally said, "I grew up in a shoddy apartment, so this is...it's nice. I'm jealous. I mean, growing up in an apartment complex comes with its charms too. You really get to know your neighbors, for one. But I would've much preferred something akin to this, obviously." "Yeah, you can see how well suburban families work out, just as Maddie," Miranda said, making Lilian grimace, before Miranda touched her leg and added, "sorry, that wasn't cool. I'm sorry." "Well, it's not without its faults," Ann said, chiming in, rattling the ice against the glass, "Lots of upkeep. In an apartment, there's at least a handyman on pay. Here we have to do everything ourselves if we don't wanna pay out of pocket. Home insurance covers some things, but not everything, certainly not rennovation. Do you get along with your mother, Lilian?" "That's a loaded question," Lilian said, chuckling anxiously, "I mean, yes and no. We're doing better, though." The front door opened and they heard someone enter the foyer. Nobody spoke. Finally, a tall, rather thin man stopped in the doorway to the living room, briefcase still in hand, and looked at everyone. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and squinted, staring at Miranda. "...oh," he said, before turning and exiting the room. They waited, heard him head down the hallway, enter another room and lock the door behind him. "That was a better reaction than I expected," Miranda said. "Well," Ann replied, "between you and your sister, he didn't really get the family he expected or hoped to have." Lilian and Miranda exchanged a look before Miranda asked, "...what about Kate?" "She's still living here, for one thing, we're paying for her therapy for her eating disorder. Anorexia is a bitch. But she's doing better, and we're proud of her. But between that and her acknowledgement of her attraction to women, can't really say Chuck is pleased as punch. It was one thing to lose what he thought was a son, but then to lose his other daughter to homosexuality? He's slowly realizing he's not going to get the life he wanted, and frankly, he deserves it. None of us got the life we wanted either, so why should he." Lilian laughed at this, which made Ann smile. Miranda stood up, excusing herself. She headed back into the foyer, stopped and looked down the hall to her fathers office, then headed up the stairs. As she approached her sisters bedroom, she knocked on the door, and when it finally opened a sliver, Kate sighed and opened the door the whole way, allowing Miranda entrance. "Wow," Miranda said, "your room looks almost the same." "Only cause I'm shit at decorating," Kate said. "I could help with that, if you wanna do something to it," Miranda said, sitting on the bed as Kate plopped herself back down in her spinning desk chair. Miranda sighed, looked down at her hands in her lap and said, "...I'm sorry. I wasn't the best sibling. I know that. I'm also sorry about what you're dealing with, your eating and stuff. You look like you're doing better though. Regardless, I should've been here to help." "Why would you, nobody else did," Kate replied. "Mom sounds proud of you, mom seems like she cares," Miranda said. "I guess," Kate said, shrugging, "...dad hates me." "It's okay, dad hates everyone," Miranda said, the both of them smirking. "For what it's worth," Kate said, "I always thought you'd make a good sister." Miranda felt herself wanting to cry, as Kate rolled over to the bed on her chair and leaned forward, hugging her. Miranda put her arms around her little sister, hugging her back. Maybe their father would come around at some point, maybe he wouldn't, didn't matter. Having her mom and sister on her side was far more preferable anyway. After all, women need to stick together. *** Alexis opened the door to her hospice room, only to find Rick sitting on her bed. She jumped, a bit startled, then laughed nervously as she shut the door behind her. Rick smiled, standing up. "Where you been?" he asked. "I saw my sister. We went for a boat ride," Alexis said, "sorry, I would've told you but it was kind of sudden and-" Rick didn't wait to hear more. He took Alex's face in his hands and kissed her. She happily kissed him back. "You smell like fish," Rick said. "Like you don't love it," Alexis replied playfully, making him laugh. "It's true, nothing like the smell of trout to get me going," he said, kissing her again. All in all, for everyone involved, things went much better than expected. Alexis hadn't conquered her fear of the water, but like getting sober, she'd taken the first step towards doing so, and Miranda knew now for certain that she'd always her mom and sister by her side to watch her back. While Alexis regaled Rick with her tales of her day on the ocean, Lilian and Miranda were driving home. Miranda was asleep in the passenger seat, and Lilian glanced over at her, smiling to herself. She thought back to her own mother, and how hard she had tried, and how much they were trying to be friends now. She promised she was going to do whatever it took to keep her safe. Lying on Alex's bed after the discussion of the day was through, holding hands, Alex rolled onto her side and rested her head on Rick's chest. He reached up with his free hand and gently stroked her hair. She shut her eyes and exhaled, allowing herself to relax. "I want to meet your sister sometime," Alexis said, and Rick nodded. "Never had a girlfriend before who actually wanted to meet my family," he said, laughing a little. But Alexis didn't respond. She'd drifted off to sleep. There'd be more time to talk tomorrow. Right now, she was dreaming, dreaming of that day on the beach, the day she almost drowned. As she walked closer to the water, preparing to be swallowed up by it yet again, she could feel Geena's hand grab her wrist and pull her away from it. Seemed like people had been pulling Alexis away from danger her whole life, and maybe, finally, she was ready to accept that others did in fact care about her well being. She used to have drugs, and that worked well for her for a while. But maybe, now, it was time to have more.
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A young woman named Lilian Phillips, who plays a princess at birthday parties, befriends a little girl who had a child die at her own birthday party. Archives
April 2024
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