Brian had to almost wonder if he'd just hallucinated what he'd heard. His eyes wide, his mouth slackjawed, he couldn't even fathom what his soon to be ex-wife Jessie had said. He just stared dead ahead at her, unsure of how to even parse the information. After a few minutes, he started looking absentmindedly around at everything alse nearby and then finally his eyesight landed back on hers, and she just looked away.
"Come again?" he finally asked. "I said it was meant for you," Jessie said quietly. "That's what I thought you said," Brian said. An impasse. How does one even go forward from an admission of that caliber? He shook his head slowly, running his hands through his hair as Jessie crossed her legs. Brian finally looked back at her, chewing on his nails anxiously. He couldn't believe it. After all the years they'd been together, having a child together, a seemingly okay marriage, and now this? He didn't even know how to respond or react. Part of him wanted to storm out. Part of him wanted to shriek and scream. Part of him wanted to just simply break down and cry uncontrollably, because...because how does one react when they learn their spouse had tried to kill them? No, not the poisoning. He'd suspected that. But this was an admission of attempted murder long before that. Back during Maddie's birthday party. He finally looked back at her, and still couldn't find the words. Would he ever? That would remain to be seen, but he'd try. After all, he only had so much time for visitation. *** "Okay, now you go," Rick said, handing Alexis his glass soda bottle. She took a long swig, wiped her mouth on her arm and then nodded, watching and waiting. "I spy, with my little eye, someone with a very clear meth addiction," Alexis said, and Rick cackled as he started to scope out the potential candidate. Alexis had to admit, ever since meeting Rick, her enjoyment in rehab had certainly improved threefold. At first she felt so alone, so ignored or misunderstood, but now she had someone on her side - other than John, of course - and that helped so much. "That lady right there," Rick said, pointing towards a young woman pulling her hair ends into her mouth and chewing on them. Alex nodded, and they both started laughing. She handed him back his soda and he took a long drink, then burped, which made Alex laugh more. Was it morally correct to make fun of others here, who maybe weren't doing as well as they seemed to be? No, not really, but they didn't care. Whatever helped them get through the day. Besides, it wasn't like they weren't self degrading enough as it was to make up the difference. "So, you got any plans for when you get out?" Rick asked, and Alexis laughed. "I don't know, man, the world might've changed so much during my time on the inside, I might not manage to get accustomed to it," she remarked, making him cackle again; she loved making him laugh, but she did answer his question, saying, "Actually, I'll probably just go back to work, honestly. I love my coworkers and what I do." "And what is it you do?" Rick asked. "I dress up as a pirate for themed parties," Alexis said, "it's a pretty good job, honestly." "You've got total pirate vibes, I could see it," Rick said, making Alexis blush as she looked down at her shoes. Rick put his hand on hers on the cement ledge of the flower planter they were sitting on, and she blushed even harder. Part of her hated herself, she had never let a guy get to her like this before, but Rick was not the ordinary guy she ran into. Not some creep or weirdo. He was...just a mess like her, and not shy about it. And he was here, clearly trying to get better. She admired that. With her free hand, she pushed her hair back behind her ear and looked over at him, noticing he was looking at her. "What?" she asked. "Nothing," he said, "nothing just...sitting here in front of the flowers, it doesn't seem very fair, you know? Forcing them to compete with you." Alexis giggled like an idiot and looked away again, which made him grin. He then squeezed her hand and she squeezed back happily. Turned out rehab had become the best thing to happen to her, and not even for the reasons one would expect. *** "How about this?" Rina asked, holding up a long, sleek black dress with wispy tears at the bottom and at the ends of the sleeves. Lilian chewed on her lip, admiring it for a moment, before shaking her head. Rina looked at it and then looked back at Lilian and asked, "why not? What's wrong with it?" "It's too....college girl trying to be a slutty witch for Halloween sort of thing. Which, I mean, good for her, she should own her sexuality, but it wouldn't fit for what you're trying to do," Lilian said, "we're doing parties for kids mostly, not trying to get laid at a mixer like Janet." "Janet?" "She's the slutty witch at college," Lilian said. "Do you just always make up people for your explanations?" Rina asked, chuckling as she slid the dress back on a hanger and placed it back on the rack, searching for another. "Sad thing is," Lilian said, "she's not even the biggest problem in their house. I mean, don't get me wrong, her parents are exactly comfortable with her flaunting her newfound sexual freedom or anything, but it's the 21st century. They're used to liberated, independent women. They're far more concerned with her little brother, who's a cheerleader with murderous interests." "What is wrong with you?" Rina asked, the both of them cracking up; she then made a squealing noise as she yanked another dress from the rack and showing it to Lilian. This was was a little more shapeless, but still hugged the hips to keep it on her, and had a v-neck but wasn't a plunging neckline. Rina shook her head, almost in a "do you accept it?" sort of manner. "That's...not bad, actually," Lilian said, "But we need to find a hat to go with it. Let's go see if we could find a hat." Together, Lilian and Rina headed off to the hat department of the costume shop, dress hung over Rina's arm as they walked. "How did you find your costume?" Rina asked, and Lilian sighed. "Actually," she said, "my main one, my favorite one, was hand stitched by my grandmother for my mothers high school prom. But she made it too elegant, too much like a princess dress, and my mother refused to wear it. When I told my grandma about what I wanted to do for work, she dug it out of the attic and gave it to me, happy to see it being useful after all." "That's a nice story," Rina said, smiling, reaching out and grabbing a witch hat, plopping it on her head and asking, "What about this?" "That's the kind of hat Janet would wear, come on," Lilian said. "I think Janet has good taste then!" Rina remarked, the both of them cracking up. Lilian had always liked Rina, and likewise the other way around, but aside from their tenuous attachement to Maddie at best, they'd never really had a reason to hang out. Rina was honestly, frustrating as it might be, happy about her money troubles if only because it meant now she got the chance to really get to know Lilian as a friend, and that's something she'd always really wanted. Lilian had just accepted Rina at face value, and not based on her parents wealth, or her race, or anything else. She just took her as she was, and that was something Rina wasn't often given, so when she was, she was appreciative of it. And she also liked how well Lilian treated Maddie, and now, seeing them live together the way they were, she really was happy their paths had all crossed the way they had. "Well, I think I need a broom," Rina said, "It'll help actually cause it won't be just a prop but after the party I can help clean up and maybe get a bigger tip." "That's...not a bad idea, actually," Lilian said, "Let's go find a broom. Just...try not to be all Janet about it." "Is Janet based on a real person?" Rina asked, "because this all oddly extremely specific." *** "It wasn't meant to get mixed in," Jessie said, sitting in the awkward, uncomfortable silence of their conjugal meeting room; she wiped at her red eyes and continued, her voice shaky, "uh...that was an accident. I kept it separate because I wanted to give it to you specifically, a sort of 'hey, I know you like these' kind of thing, but then one of the other women at the house that day thought it had just been left behind so she put it into the pinata." "Why didn't the coroner notice it was poisoned?" Brian asked, "I mean, wouldn't that have shown up on bloodwork results during an autosopy?" "I was as surprised as you are about that, actually, but I think because the kid had a peanut allergy, and it did happen to have peanuts in it, they took that as fact," Jessie said, "Honestly, I was shocked. I was sure they would find that. But I guess it was just overlooked." Brian sighed and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. "Why would you wanna kill me, Jess? What did I do to you?" "It isn't...it isn't about what you did to me," Jessie replied, "um...I just didn't see another way out. A divorce would be a longed, dragged out process that would scar Maddie for life-" "And her father dying wouldn't?" he asked snappily. "-and you made more money than me, let's be honest, and I wouldn't have been given custody, not that I would've wanted it anyway," Jess said, "I didn't want a child. You did. I only gave into it because...because I thought if I didn't, you wouldn't want to stay married to me. But then she comes along, and you give her all your spare attention, and...I don't know. Maybe I'm just really sick in the head." "That's a factor, certainly," Brian said, "but it's just that, a factor, not a full on explanation. You don't get to get off that easily after doing something so monstrous. You say you didn't wanna scar Maddison, then you, inadvertantly, kill a kid at her birthday party and then poison her father after he has a heart attack. I mean, if you didn't want her, what would you have done once I was gone? Dumped her on a relative or something?" Jessie shrugged and looked away again. She couldn't look Brian in the eye. "...you could've just wanted to leave," Brian continued, "I would've let you. If you were that unhappy, I would've given you a substantial amount to survive on til you got on your feet, you wouldn't have had to take Maddie with you, none of this would've happened. You could've just left, Jess. But I'm glad you didn't." "You are?" "Yeah, I'm glad you did what you did, cause now the whole fuckin' world knows what kind of desperate person you are, and the lengths you'll go to get what you want. You're self obsessed, and nobody with that amount of ego should be able to walk freely among others. You're a risk to the public. I don't know what happened to the woman I met, the woman I loved, but you aren't her." A long pause, and Jessie sighed, nodding. "You're right, I'm not," she said. And that was the moment they acknowledge their marriage was truly over. *** Alexis and Rick were still outside, now sitting on a bench. Well, Rick was sitting on the bench, Alex was laying on it with her head in his lap. The sun was starting to go down, and they'd have to head back inside anytime now, but for the moment, this was a small creature comfort they could enjoy together. "...I hate sunsets," Alexis said, making Rick almost spit out his drink in laughter. "God, you're like an anti romantic!" he said, making her chuckle. "I just...I don't like knowing that another day is coming, you know? When you live with depression, especially depression as serious as I have, it's hard to wanna continue to see another day. You fight just to get through every 24 hour period as it is, and...and when you finally get through it, you're like, well, here comes another one, oh boy. Don't get me wrong, they're beautiful, but they're representative of the future. A future that, frankly, I'm not sure that I want." "What kind of future do you want?" Rick asked, "like, if you could do anything after you get out of here, I mean I know you said you love your job and all but, what kind of future would you like to have?" Alexis thought about this for a moment as she continued to pull the petals off a flower in her hands. "I don't know. Something where I get to go home at the end of the day and...and I feel safe and seen and understood. Where I'm not judged for my actions, but accepted in spite of them. Something where I look forward to the sun rising, not feel sad because it's setting," Alexis said, "I want to want to live." Rick nodded, listening. He looked down at her, and she looked up at him, her hands, flower between them, resting on her chest. A few people walked by, and he slowly leaned down and pressed his lips against hers. She was expecting it, yet still surprised somehow. She let go of the flower and took his face between her hands, kissing him back. After their lips parted, their foreheads still together, he smirked at her, and she blushed. "That does sound like a nice future," he said, "I want you to want to live too." Alexis had never had much experience, and even less success, in the romance department. For a long time, she questioned what she even preferred, because she'd never really been with anyone in any kind of way that was meaningful. But here, now, being kissed during a sunset while holding a flower, she realized what she was was actually a hopeless romantic, and she knew now that the thing she wanted more than getting sober, was the hope of having someone be sober with her. "I'm gonna kiss you again," Rick whispered. "You damn well better," she replied softly, the both of them laughing lightly as he did. *** Lilian and Rina, having found the right costume for her witch persona, were now sitting at a noodle shop, eating two different kinds of soups. Seated in the booth as it had started to rain a little outside, neither one said a word, and it was a comfortable kind of silence they both appreciated being able to have between them. Lilian always felt like she had to fill every moment with someone else with dialogue of some sort, but with Rina, she could just exist, and that was nice. "Did you bring me here just cause I'm Chinese?" Rina asked, and Lilian laughed. "Look, if you were Mexican I still would've come here, it's cheap and it's nearby," Lilian said, "I swear I'm not a racist on purpose." Rina laughed as she lifted her bowl to her lips and drank some of the broth. After she finished she set the bowl back down and sighed, looking around at the other people in the restaurant. She then turned her gaze back on Lilian, who was slurping a few thick noodles and a piece of beef in between her teeth. "How is Maddie doing?" Rina asked. "She's...having a bit of a hard time right now," Lilian said, "she started her period, so that was fun, and then she went to have a visit with her mother. Been a rough few weeks. But she's doing as well as one could expect a kid her age to be doing. Little fucker's resiliant." "Indeed she is!" Rina agreed, laughing, "that's good though, I'm glad she feels comfortable with you guys. I'm glad she had somewhere safe to go. If given the option, I wouldn't have been able to house her, just because I'm still in school and stuff and live with my folks. So I'm glad she had somewhere, someone, to turn to in her time of need. Believe me, if things were different and I was capable of doing so, I would've in a heartbeat. Love that kid." "She's lucky," Lilian said, setting her spoon in her bowl and wiping her mouth on her napkin, "like...when we were kids, granted there's a bit of an age difference between you and I but not much, we didn't have a whole support system, you know? We had our parents, and maybe a cool aunt or uncle, but on the whole, we didn't have an entire village helping to raise us. Maddie has so many adults who care about her, and that's...that's really cool. I'm happy to be a part of that." "I think people realized at a certain point that a child shouldn't be solely dependent on their parents, you know, especially for emotional needs," Rina said, "parents can suck." "Indeed," Lilian said, nodding in agreement, thinking of her own mother, "but sometimes they try, they just don't know how to do it very well, and that's worth recognizing too. Her father is like that. He can't be worse than her mom, after all." *** Maddie, much like her father, didn't know how to react or respond to the information she'd just had laid bare before her. Maddie was spending the night with her father and his home nurse, and after Brian had come home, and told her exactly what her mother had told him, her whole worldview changed within a minute. She just couldn't fathom that someone who claimed they loved someone, had married them as a way to express that love, had a child with them as a way to further that proof of love...would want to then kill said person. It just didn't compute for her. Maddie was now lying in her old bedroom on the floor, staring at the ceiling and her glow in the dark stars, and she wanted to just scream and swear, denounce her mother, but she'd already said what she needed to to her, nothing more really had to be done or could be done that would further prove her disinterest in their dissolved parent/child relationship. All she could think of was her classmates face during those final moments, and how it had been meant for her father. And if her mother was capable of doing that to him...to someone that she she had once loved... ...what might she have done to Maddie if given the chance? To someone she'd openly admitted to never having wanted?
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A young woman named Lilian Phillips, who plays a princess at birthday parties, befriends a little girl who had a child die at her own birthday party. Archives
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