The car came to a screeching halt, and thus, the car behind it came to a screeching halt as well, nearly hitting it. As the horn honked blaring behind them, John - in full clown makeup but in a three piece suit - stopped, hands clenched tightly around the steering wheel as he turned and looked at the car full of supposed friends; Lilian, Alexis, Tyler and Vera.
"What the fuck is wrong with you people?!" he screamed, "I can't take it anymore! All you fucking do is bicker! All you do is fucking bicker and play the victim and nobody ever learns anything or says they're sorry! Are you children or adults, because I can't fucking tell! Am I in a company run by children? This feels like a company run by goddamned children! Huh? Answer me!" But nobody would answer him. John started breathing hard as everyone nervously glanced at one another. "Everyone but Alexis get out of my car," he said softly but sternly. 3 HOURS EARLIER "I've never even heard of The Clownies," Alexis said, looking at the envelope while sitting in the passenger seat of John's car while he drove to pick up the others; she was wearing a dress - a first for her - and had even gotta her hair and nails done, just because John had paid for her to do so. "To be fair, it's not a particularly publicized event," he replied, "it's not like the Oscars or something. People don't have Clownie parties." "Probably for good reason, because it sounds fucking terrifying," Alexis said, making him laugh. "It's definitely someones worst nightmare for sure," John said, "so we have to pick Lilian up, and Tyler and Vera wanted a ride so we could all go as a group, so that'll be a neat little experience." "So have you won a Clownie before?" Alex asked, turning the envelope over in her hand. "Nope," John said, "never even been nominated. This is kind of a nice vindication for all my years spent wearing funny shoes and tight fitting pants." "I wanna win an award for winning tight fitting pants. All I ever get is unsolicited harassment," Alexis said. "Well, it's something," John replied, the both of them chuckling. After a short drive, they arrived at Lilian's. She was inside, still getting ready, so John and Alex waited in the car. John rolled down the window and pulled out a cigarette case from his jacket pocket and flipped it open, offering Alexis one, who happily took one. He lit them both and they started smoking while waiting for Lilian, exhaling their smoke out their respective windows. After a few minutes, Lilian finally emerged and slid into the backseat of the car. She was in a grey pencil skirt and a pretty puffy blouse, her hair done up in a bun. "You look nice," Alex said. "Thanks," Lilian said, sniffing the air and then waving her hand in front of her face, "ew, it smells like shit in here!" "My car, my rules," John said, starting the car back up and pulling away from the curb, before tapping Alex on the knee and saying, "you're gonna have to direct me to Vera and Tyler's places, cause I don't know where they live." "Not a problem," Alex said, "why are we picking them up anyway?" "Tyler doesn't have a car, he generally uses ride share services, and Vera's car broke last week," Lilian said, checking her makeup in her compact, "actually, it's one location. They've been living together for a few months now." "When did that happen?!" Alex asked, turning in her chair and looking back at Lilian, "why didn't I know about this?" "Why would you? You don't really like talking to Vera," Lilian replied, shrugging. "Still, we're in the same company, I should know these sorts of things," Alex said, settling back into her seat and continuing to smoke, putting one of her feet up on the glove compartment, "it's like she deliberately leaves me out of things. I don't get it." "I'm sure it wasn't intentional," John said, "now come on, we're going to a party of sorts, buck up." Alex nodded, smiling. He was right, she should try and be in a good mood, no matter how bad Vera made her feel. This evening was for John and Stinko after all. *** The Clownies were being held in a small event center in the city, much to the groups surprise. It was apparently considered a big deal amongst the clown community, and to be invited, let alone nominated, was an honor of the highest regard. When they arrived, John refused to let someone else park his car, and then the group - John, Lilian, Alexis, Tyler and Vera - were escorted inside. The interior was beautifully decorated, with streams hanging from the ceiling, and filled with the most amount of clowns anyone had ever seen in one place. "This is oddly terrifying," Tyler muttered, causing Alexis to nudge John with her elbow. "Told you," she whispered, making him chuckle as he led them to their table. As they all seated themselves, a woman in her 40s with long brown hair, in a beautiful gown, waltzed up to the table and stopped at John's chair, tapping him on the shoulder. He looked up at her and smiled, waving politely. "I was surprised you'd come," she said, "you usually don't like these sorts of things." "Well, I figured it'd be nice for a change," he said, "guys, this is Elora." Everyone greeted her almost in unison, then watched as John stood up and faced her. Tyler leaned in towards Alexis and lowered his voice while John and Elora spoke to one another. "You think they've screwed?" Tyler whispered, "I get the feeling these two have screwed." "Please, I don't wanna think of clowns bonking," Lilian mumbled. "I believe you mean honking," Alexis muttered, making them all laugh, even Vera, to her surprise. Elora eventually said goodbye and headed back to her table as John sat back down at his own. He ran his hands through his hair and sighed, picking up his water glass and taking a long sip before looking at the group. "What?" he asked, half smirking. "What's the deal with you two, huh?" Lilian asked, "you guys a thing or?" "If we were a thing, don't you think I'd have invited her with me instead of you guys?" John asked, straightening his tie. "Is it true that the size of a clowns shoes is directly proportionate to the size of his-" Alexis started to ask, until Lilian put her hand over Alex's mouth, making everyone laugh. All in all, it seemed like it was going to be a good evening. But of course, appearances can be deceiving. *** John and Elora had met several years prior, shortly after the loss of his family. The clown community came together to help him for a bit; bringing him food, checking up on him, and Elora was one of the few that went the extra mile. She would invite John out on numerous occasions, if only to give him something to do besides moping. Elora would take John to dinner, to the movies, sometimes they would go clothes shopping just for giggles. John appreciated her company, especially because he had been unsure of continuing with his life after what happened, but after witnessing her kindness - and the kindness of the community as a whole - he knew survival was indeed worthwhile. But all that being said, they'd never become romantically entangled. Why it hadn't happened never made sense to either of them, but they each sort of understood. While John's family had been taken in an accident, Elora's husband had died of prolonged illness, and perhaps what they needed most in the aftermath was just genuine companionship, not romance. They would swap stories about their loved ones, about their relationships, share photos of them together. To become romantically involved, it seemed, would almost break that solidarity in some weird way. Regardless, each was thankful for the friendship the other had extended unto them. But that didn't stop everyone around them from recognizing how obviously right for one another they were. *** "You come here often?" someone asked as they took a seat by Alexis while everyone else had gone to either mingle or gorge themselves at the buffet. Alexis sipped her drink and smirked, raising an eyebrow. "To Clown Award Shows?" she asked. The man - roughly a few years older than her but still boyish and handsome - laughed and took a sip of his own drink. "Right, stupid question," he said. "You're not wearing makeup," Alex said. "I'm not a clown, so." "What are you doing here then?" "Well, you're not wearing makeup either, what are you doing here?" "I'm a guest," Alexis said, taking another long swig of her cocktail, "Came with Stinko." "I'm a guest too," the man said, "I'm Brady." "Alexis." Just then they stopped and noticed John was standing back at the table. Brady stood up, grabbed his drink and politely excused himself. John seated himself back next to Alexis and started to eat from his plate as she looked at him, confused. She pointed at Brady, wagging her finger. "Uh...I was kinda interested in that," she said. "Don't be," John said, taking a bite from a chicken wing, "Brady's a loser. You deserve better. He just wants to sleep with you." "Well I'm open for that, it's been a while," Alexis said. "No, you're not," John said sternly, "...not with him. You want random hookups, that's fine, that's your business. Hell, even someone else here would be okay. But not Brady. He's a creep. Trust me when I say this, I am doing you a favor. He's not the kind of guy you wanna sleep with even just for the sake of sleeping with someone." Alex nodded slowly, picking her glass back up and sipping it. "...thank you I guess," she whispered. Meanwhile, over at the buffet, Lilian and Tyler were piling their plates as Tyler glanced back at the table where John and Alexis sat. He shook his head and sighed as he shoveled more and more food onto his plate before looking at Lilian, who smiled at him, making him smile back at her. "Vera seems...a little stressed out lately," Lilian said, "I was hoping if she came to a little social thing like this it might just ease her up, you know? Get her to loosen a bit. But goddamn that bitch seems impossible to please. I don't mean that in a derogatory sense, of course." "You're not wrong," Tyler said as they finished gathering food and started heading back to the table, slowly so they could talk amongst themselves along the way, "she's stressed. She's stressed all the time, and nothing seems to make it better. She's not managing great, and Alexis's behavior bothers her, and she's...I shouldn't tell you this, but I am because you're my friend and I trust you, but...she wants a family. But she...she's worried about having that on top of everything else. She doesn't think she could handle it." "Please, she could handle anything," Lilian said, scoffing. "That's nice of you to believe. Regardless, she's also worried if she doesn't do it soon, she might not get too. Generally, in her family, women who try to get pregnant after thirty don't have much luck, and she's pushing 29. She's dedicated to us, to our company and to each of us individually, but she wants to be a mom," Tyler said, sighing, "...and she...she wants me to do it with her." Lilian stopped in her tracks, her eyes wide. "WHAT?" she asked, grinning in delight. "Keep it under your hat, we're not exactly public about it," Tyler said, "but yeah, we've been seeing one another for ages now, we've gotten very serious, talked about moving in together. Either way, she wants me to father a child with her, but I don't...first of all, I don't know how good at being a father I would be, not to mention I don't think I'm personally ready for that level of responsibility either." "Why not just tell her that?" Lilian asked. "I have. Why do you think she's unhappy?" Tyler said. Lilian and Tyler arrived at the table and sat down, beginning to eat. Alexis stood up and excused herself, heading to the bathroom. As she passed by everyone, entering the ladies restroom, she stopped in front of the mirror and checked her makeup. Standing there, admiring herself, she heard one of the stall doors open, and saw Vera walk out from inside, reversed in the mirror. "...you look nice," Vera said quietly as she approached the sink. "Thanks, so do you," Alexis replied. Vera opened her mouth to say something, but must've decided against it, because instead she turned and exited the bathroom. Alexis, after making sure she'd left, entered the stall she'd used and locked it behind her. When she was finished, she washed her hands and headed back to the table. After a bit, they announced the nominees, and, much to nobody's surprise, John was in fact granted an award for his work. He was clearly beloved within the community, and seeing him up on stage, thanking them, giving a short speech, clutching the trophy they'd made for it, everyone couldn't help but clap ferociously for him. Alexis even stood up and whistled loudly, which made John blush. All in all, it was a decent evening. At least until they got back into the car. *** Driving home in the dark, after the awards show - Alexis sitting in the passenger seat once again while everyone was crammed in the back - John couldn't help but feel pretty good about how the evening went. He had the air conditioning on, the radio on soft classical music, and nobody was talking. Honestly, considering how argumentative this group was, that was probably a blessing. Vera unwrapped and popped a piece of gum into her mouth before leaning forward and offering one to Alexis, who politely declined. "So," Vera said, "how are you doing lately?" "Okay, I guess, why? Are you checking up on me? You're not my sponsor or something," Alexis remarked. "No, but I am your employer, so your behavior reflects back on me," Vera said, trying hard to be nice; she added, "just, you know, let me know if you're using or something again because I can put you on leave or something. We could work something out. Paid vacation or even rehab, something to-" "I don't need your pity masquerading as kindness!" Alexis snapped, making Vera leap backwards, best as one can in the backseat of a car, as Lilian grabbed her and held tightly, almost as if she were trying to keep Vera from attacking Alex in response; Alexis continued, "I'm doing fine, I'm doing great, okay! The one thing I wish I could have above all else was your genuine trust!" "Can you blame me for being somewhat untrustworthy?" Vera barked back, "After all the damage you've caused?" Soon enough, the car had once again erupted into an argument. Tyler rolled his eyes and sighed, glancing at Lilian who just shook her head. They were both getting very tired of this repetitive situation. It seemed like, lately, this was all that happened when everyone was in the same space together. Especially if that space included both Vera and Alexis. Vera clearly had some sort of personal vendetta, it felt like, and everyone was getting pretty goddamn sick of living with it. The car came to a screeching halt, and thus, the car behind it came to a screeching halt as well, nearly hitting it. As the horn honked blaring behind them, John - still in full clown makeup and a three piece suit - stopped, hands clenched tightly around the steering wheel as he turned and looked at the car full of supposed friends; Lilian, Alexis, Tyler and Vera. "What the fuck is wrong with you people?!" he screamed, "I can't take it anymore! All you fucking do is bicker! All you do is fucking bicker and play the victim and nobody ever learns anything or says they're sorry! Are you children or adults, because I can't fucking tell! Am I in a company run by children? This feels like a company run by goddamned children! Huh? Answer me!" But nobody would answer him. John started breathing hard as everyone nervously glanced at one another. "Everyone but Alexis get out of my car," he said softly but sternly. The back doors of the car opened slowly, as Tyler, Lilian and Vera piled out. After the doors shut, John sped off into the night. Lilian sighed, pulled out her cell phone and dialed Miranda's number. Standing there, hand on her hip waiting for her to answer so she could ask for a ride home, Tyler looked at Vera. "What is wrong with you?" Tyler asked quietly, almost in awe, "why can't you just-" "Just...leave me alone," Vera replied almost silently, as she walked a ways away. Back in the car, Alexis positioned the air conditioner in the front to blow directly on her face, her shoes still up on the glovebox door, her dress riding up a little as a result. John turned the radio off and took a deep sigh. "...this can't go on," he whispered. "Why didn't you kick me out?" Alex asked. "Because you're not doing anything wrong," John replied, "listen to me, okay? I was an alcoholic and a drug user for a good portion of my life, around your age, and I do not regret it. I'm not saying it's great, and something everyone should experience, but it's something I am glad I lived through. But it's also not something anyone else gets to tell you to stop doing. You have proven you are not hurting yourself, or those around you, and if all Vera cares about is appearances, then fuck her. You are doing your job - well, might I add - and if she can't see past that, then that's on her, not you. That being said, I don't want you to think it's okay to live like that forever either. At a certain point you have to realize your body is going to just give up on you if you don't change something. It can only take so much." Alexis nodded, listening, tears welling in her eyes. She looked at her shoes, her heels, and mumbled. "...my dad never cared about whether i was doing it or not," she whispered, "...he was just happy i was out of the house." "I already lost one little girl I cared about," John said quietly, "I won't lose another." Alexis smiled, and nodded. If John wanted to be a father figure, far be it from her to stop him. *** Lilian, tugging her shoes off her feet as Miranda walked beside her down the hall (they'd already dropped Tyler and Vera off at their respective homes), couldn't believe it. She was so tired of all the infighting. She felt Miranda kiss her neck, and she blushed, stumbling a little as she giggled. "Stop, you're gonna make me trip and-" That's when she saw Maddie sitting in front of her apartment door. Lilian and Miranda approached, as Maddie looked up at them. Lilian knelt down and brushed her hair from her eyes. "Sweetheart, what are you doing here?" she asked. "Daddy's getting worse, and I don't know how to stop it," Maddie whimpered, "...she's gonna kill him." "...alright, come on inside, come on," Lilian said, gathering up the little girl and heading into her apartment; "we'll figure this out together."
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A young woman named Lilian Phillips, who plays a princess at birthday parties, befriends a little girl who had a child die at her own birthday party. Archives
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