"What happened to Goldielocks?" Zoe asked, tapping gently on the glass of the fishbowl as her fish floated belly up near the top. Thea sighed and pulled her little sister away from the bowl as she pulled up her shirt sleeve and reached in to grab the fish.
"He's dead, sweetie," she said. "What's that mean?" Zoe asked. "It means he isn't alive anymore, and he's gone to Fishy Heaven," Thea replied, as she walked Goldielocks over to the sink and put him in an old piece of tupperware. Zoe watched intently as her sister lovingly carried the tupperware out to the backyard and grabbed a spade, kneeling down and digging a small hole in the dirt. Zoe leaned down beside her as she continued, saying, "that's what happens when things die, they no longer exist among us and they go away." "Am I going to die?" Zoe asked. "Not for a very very very long time," Thea said, rubbing Zoe's back and handing her the tupperware, "You wanna put Goldielocks in his grave?" Zoe nodded and carefully placed the tupperware into the hole Thea had dug. As she watched Thea cover it back up with dirt, Zoe wanted to cry, but she didn't understand what it was exactly she was crying about. She'd never been this close to death before, she didn't really understand what she was dealing with, and yet it made her immeasurably sad inside. Thea kissed her sisters head and patted her back. "I'm sure Goldielocks appreciated all the love you gave him, that we both gave him, and I'm sure he's okay wherever he is now," Thea said, "Come on, let's finish making you lunch for school." Zoe never expected to be that near death again, but she was, repeatedly. First she had to witness her hero get nearly mauled to death by her own tiger, and now here she was, sitting on the couch in said heroes suite, staring at the drug dealer she'd just killed. Zoe couldn't believe this, she once again felt sick. Allie paced back and forth, finally putting an old unwanted sheet over Sunny's body to cover him up, and then stopped and looked at Zoe. "You okay?" Allie asked, "He was going to try and get you interested in drugs, I...I couldn't let him do to you what he did to me." "Did it ever occur to you that maybe you were just more weak willed than I am and I would've been able to say no?" Zoe asked. "...I...I wouldn't trust him to take that no seriously," Allie said, "he was pushy, he was arrogant. He wasn't a total outright jerk, but...but he could make a person wanna do something, and I was...I was just trying to protect you, Zoe. Now there's blood all over my floor and I don't know how to clean this sort of thing up." Allie looked at Zoe, who at that moment keeled over and vomited on the floor in front of her. "...or that," Allie said. "Sorry," Zoe said, wiping her mouth on her sleeve. *** While Allie spent the day in her suite trying to come up with a way to get rid of Sunny's body, she suggested Zoe go down to the bar and relax, play some slots or get some food. She even gave Zoe her Casino Card, so she could charge it all to her. So Zoe put on her jacket and headed down to the main casino floor. As she stood at the bar, waiting for her soda, she felt a hand clasp her shoulder. "Hey there!" Effie said, coming around her side and seating herself, "You okay? You don't look too good." "Stayed up too late, threw up a few minutes ago, just a sick sort of day I guess," Zoe said, making Effie smile. "I'm sorry," Effie replied, rubbing Zoe's arm, "Well, if you need anything, just let me know." "Allie's already given me her card for the casino so I can get whatever I want or need," Zoe said, "I'll probably have something to eat and then just go back to bed." "That's pretty nice of her," Effie said as she pulled her metal cigarette case from inside her jacket and slid one out, lighting it and popping it in her mouth, "but I'm sure once the new casino gets going, you'll get your own card, if you're gonna be a major part of her act. Things seem to have been going fairly well for you guys lately, show wise, so I'm sure Tony is planning to swap y'all over to the second location." "...second...second location?" Zoe asked as her drink was finally placed in front of her; she adjusted the straw and took a few sips as Effie nodded and explained. "Yeah, Tony told me about a week ago that he's planning on opening a new casino," she said, "A second Card Shark, over in the classier area of the Vegas strip." "There's a classier area of Vegas?" Zoe asked, making Effie laugh out loud. "That was my reaction!" she said loudly, "Anyway, since you guys are doing so well, I'm sure that you'll be brought along to the nicer one. I know I've already secured my spot, so you guys should be a shoe in. He just is having an architect make up some plans for him first, because he wasn't a huge fan of the way this one was designed." Zoe's brain was running a mile a minute. "Who is this new architect?" she asked, and Effie shrugged. "Don't know their name, just know it's the same person who did Ceaser's Ghost," Effie replied. And like a bullet, Zoe was gone. *** Zoe and Allie were seated in Allie's car, across the street from a very small but nice looking home in a quiet and clean neighborhood just outside the strip. Allie sipped her coffee and looked at Zoe, who was elbow deep into a bag of chips, shoveling them into her mouth with a kind of reckless abandon. "How do you just...become friends with someone?" Allie asked, "Isn't it going to be weird, that we just showed up and wanted to know her?" "You became friends with me," Zoe said through a mouthful of chips. "Only because friendship was thrusted upon me," Allie replied, chuckling, "but yes, I suppose I did, in the end. We can't just go and dump his body at the site. They're going to do a lot of digging up and reconfiguring of the area before they even begin to build, so we have to hold onto him for a while, and even once they start building, anything we place in there will seem out of place." "...maybe we should hide him in The Forgotten Tomb," Zoe said, making Allie's eyebrows arch; Zoe sighed and rolled her eyes, continuing, "You don't even remember your own tricks, do you? The Forgotten Tomb? The big gaudy sarcophagus that you used to do disappearing acts in? Remember? You'd go inside, it'd be buried, and then you'd come out in a second one that wasn't buried?" "Oooh, yeah. Geez, that thing's been in storage forever," Allie said, sipping her coffee, "but we'd need to actually bury it for good." "Exactly. And nobody would ever question it because, oh, gee, it's just a prop," Zoe said, "It wouldn't be anything out of the ordinary for it to be underground." "...wow, you're a criminal," Allie said. "Yeah why do you think my parents don't talk to me." This got Allie's attention, but it would have to wait. The front door opened and a meek, awkward young woman stepped outside to water her flowers. Allie and Zoe looked at one another, nodded, and got out of the car. As they headed across the street and up the driveway, Zoe whispered. "What are you gonna say to her?" "I have no idea," Allie replied, "Just let me do the talking. Hey! Hi there!" The woman looked up, somewhat frightened, but relaxed a bit when she saw it was just two other women approaching her. "Hi," she said in a very quiet voice, "Uh...I don't...I don't wanna buy anything and I'm happy with my religion." "Hah, no, no we're not, uh...we're from the Card Shark," Allie said, "I'm its resident magician, and this is my partner in show business. I'm Allie, she's Zoe. We just...we heard about the new casino being built soon and we had seen the work you'd done on Ceaser's Ghost and we, well, we were big fans of what you did so we wanted to meet you before you started on this one." "Oh," the woman said, standing up now, a small smile forming on her face, "Well, th...thank you. Would you like to come inside?" As she turned and headed up the porch stairs and indoors, Zoe looked at Allie in amazement. "Wow you're a good liar," she said quietly. "I'm a magician, my entire career is based on lies," Allie remarked as they followed the architect inside. The inside of the architects home was super minimal, and yet very chic. She had hanging plants, unique pieces of art on the walls and very nice furniture. Allie gazed around in wonder at how this lady was able to live so well just from designing buildings. She leaned closer to Zoe and lowered her voice as they headed into the kitchen. "I think I'm in the wrong career field," she whispered, making Zoe laugh a little. "Please, have a seat," the architect said, "My name is Molly. It's nice to meet you guys. Would you like some coffee?" "I had some on the way over, but I'm always interested in more," Allie said. "I'll have some, yes, thank you," Zoe remarked. Molly poured the women their drinks, and then put their mugs in front of them before seating herself down at the table with them. There was a plate of sugar cookies on the table and Zoe looked at them for a moment, before Molly told them to help themselves, which they did, happily. "So," Allie said between chewing, "When's construction supposed to start on this new casino?" "Well I have to go out there first and ensure the land is actually viable to be built upon, but I'm sure it will be. After that then I draw up some plans and show them to Tony, and then we get the show on the road," Molly said, her voice very soft and velvety, as she added, "So...maybe...three weeks before we begin actual construction? Should be finished in about 4 months. The way I design things is to maximize space without taking too long in production." "Wow, that's really cool," Zoe said, "Seems like most things take forever to be built." "That's why people come to me," Molly said, picking up a cookie for herself, "It's my specialty." "So you think Tony's going to be having some sort of special opening ceremony or something?" Allie asked, and Molly shrugged. "You know him better than I do," she said, "though, in my experience, yes. Most club owners want their places to open with flourish, so it's highly likely he'll host some kind of enormous opening party or event." Allie and Zoe exchanged a look, and they knew then and there they would be alright. *** "All we have to do is do the same trick," Allie said, "but instead, we put him in the second sarcophagus and me in the one we're making people think we're burying, then we swap them somehow, so he and his gets buried forever while the one I'm in gets brought back up." "We could use smoke to obscure everyone's vision while we switch them," Zoe said, and Allie shook her head. "Smoke is too obvious, it's long since been recognized as a misdirect," Allie replied. "Dude, we're not trying to wow people, we're trying to cover up a murder," Zoe said, making Allie chuckle. "Okay, fair enough," she said, "but...I don't know. Maybe I should just pay my dues. He was a drug dealer, maybe I won't get too harsh a sentence, especially with my fame, and-" "I'm not letting you go to prison," Zoe said through her clenched teeth, "you're my only friend and I'm not letting you go away because you were trying to protect me. The only other person who's tried to protect is has been my sister, and I won't let anything happen to you just like I won't let anything happen to her, okay?" "O...okay," Allie whispered, rubbing Zoe's back, "It's okay, we'll make this work somehow, I'm sorry." Allie didn't speak for the rest of the drive home. *** Standing in the doorway, watching Zoe unpack and fix up her bedroom, Thea couldn't help but feel weird. Here she'd thrown herself at the mercy of their folks, and taken Zoe into her own home, and yet she felt like perhaps their parents were oddly right in some way. Like Zoe hadn't tried hard enough. Like Zoe had made one too many mistakes. But...but she couldn't just let them cut her loose. She was her baby sister, and she had to be there for her. "You think you'll do well here?" Thea asked as Zoe sat on the bed and plugged her landline in on the bedside table. "Yep. I'm gonna get a job and I'm gonna get my own place and I'll never have to talk to mom and dad again," Zoe said giddily. "You know, if things get better, if you get better, then you won't have to cut them out of your life entirely. Though, I completely understand wanting to, believe me. They're nothing if not impossible to deal with. I think some people just weren't meant to be parents." "Thank you for letting me live with you," Zoe said as Thea walked inside and sat on the bed; she fiddled with the cord of the phone and smiled weakly, adding, "you've always been there for me. You've always been the one to look out for me, and I'm so grateful you're my sister." Thea smiled and hugged Zoe tightly. "I'm grateful to get to be your sister," she replied softly. A few months later, after a handful of failed attempts at odd jobs around the city and on the verge of total emotional collapse, Zoe wound up impressing Tony the same way Allie had so many years before, and it was then that Tony's plan was hatched to get Allie to clean her mess up. He'd give her a partner. He'd give her something to worry about beside herself, and that would keep her out of trouble. Oh how fucking wrong he'd be. *** Allie couldn't sleep that night. She tossed and turned, she groaned and took sleep aide after sleep aide but nothing seemed to work. She just couldn't handle it. All she could see when she shut her eyes was that moment of Sunny breaking his neck over and over and over again, forever played on repeat on the inside of her eyelids. Finally she gave up and she picked up the phone, dialing. "Hello?" Nick answered, chewing. "You eating?" "Yeah, I took in some Italian food from the catering place," Nick said, "What's going on?" "...do you think I'm a bad person?" Allie asked, and Nick scoffed. "Are you kidding me? You're the best person. That's why it hurt so much to see you do what you did to yourself," Nick said, "Come on Al, you're great, okay? You're the fucking Astounding Allie! No, of course I don't think you're a bad person. I think you have problems, but who doesn't, and at least yours are understandable considering what happened to you. You're not just self destructing for no reason. Not that that's an excuse, but it's at least an explanation." "Will you come over?" "Al, I don't-" "No, not...not for anything weird, I just...I can't sleep, and I don't feel safe, and I don't wanna be alone," Allie said, "Please, Nick? We'll just watch TV and stuff. I just can't be alone tonight." A pause, and Nick sighed. "Alright, I'll be there shortly." Meanwhile, Zoe was sitting downstairs at a slot machine, playing endlessly on a loop. She was barely even registering what she was doing anymore when she heard someone stop and stand beside her. Zoe looked and saw Effie standing there, smiling at her. "Having fun?" she asked. "Not really," Zoe said. "...you ok?" Effie asked, "You seemed distant earlier, and you, well, you don't seem any better now and I'm just worried about you." "What are you even doing down here so late?" Zoe asked, checking her watch. "I had a late show, I just finished up," Effie said, jerking her thumb over her shoulder towards the theatre, before adding, "...you want to come to my place? You don't have to stay here and gamble the night away." "...okay. I don't think I could go home tonight anyway," Zoe said, as she got up, gathered her things and followed Effie to her car outside. *** "Wow," Zoe said upon entering the apartment loft, "This is swanky." "Yeah, and I don't pay too much either," Effie said, "frankly I'm lucky to be in the position I'm in because if I wasn't a comedian I don't know what the fuck I'd be doing with my life, so I count my blessings every goddamn day, believe me." Zoe stood at the bar separating the kitchenette from the living room and watched Effie get something to eat out of the fridge. She unwrapped a large foil container full of spare ribs before plopping them onto a plate and tossing them into the stove to reheat. She then turned and looked at Zoe, smiling. "Hey, I eat a lot of leftovers," Effie said, "Work so late I don't really have time to cook, so." "I can cook," Zoe blurted out, "I mean, like...if you wanted someone to cook, or something." "Are you offering to make me dinner?" Effie asked, laughing. "I don't know, this is new to me," Zoe said. "What's new to you, exactly?" "...everything. This life. Being in show business. Hanging out with celebrities. These...feelings," Zoe said, as Effie leaned on the counter and posted up, listening. "Tell me about these feelings," she said quietly. "I tried to ignore them," Zoe said, "but they're always there, just under the surface. You remind me of a girl I went to school with, and I think that's why it's easier to talk to you, cause, like, I'm already kind of familiar with you in a sense? Even though, you know, you're not the same people, or whatever. But...mom and dad were so...weird, so restrictive. They only took me to that show for my birthday because I begged them to, and even then I had to make a bunch of promises in order for them to agree." "What kind of promises?" Effie asked. "Do better in school, take better care of myself...stop talking to other girls," Zoe said, feeling embarrassed. "I'm sorry," Effie said, "For what it's worth, my dad is an asshole about me, so I kind of know what it's like, but there's nothing to be ashamed of. Having spent time with you, you seem to be a really genuinely nice person who cares about your friends and your career and...and there's certainly no shame in being who you are." Effie came around the bar and stood next to Zoe, who turned to face her. "...I did something horrible," Zoe whispered, as Effie rubbed her fingers against Zoe's cheek. "Then how about doing something better to counteract it?" she asked, as Zoe nodded. Effie put one hand on Zoe's hip and pulled her closer, pushing her lips against hers and kissing her. Zoe had waited all her life to kiss another girl, and now that it was happening, she couldn't be happier. What a good end to a shitty day. After the kiss broke, Zoe looked at the couch. "You're not gonna make me sleep out here, are you?" she asked. "Not if you don't want to," Effie said, smirking. "I'd like it if we could just...lay down, and just...I really wanna be held," Zoe said. "I can do that for you," Effie whispered, pushing Zoe's bangs out of her eyes and leading her down the hallway towards the bedroom. "What about your ribs?" Zoe asked. "They'll be alright," Effie said, "you're more touch starved than hungry right now anyway it seems." "Oh, that was cute," Zoe said, giggling. "I make jokes for a living, this is what I do," Effie replied, shutting the bedroom door behind her. *** "Do you ever regret being with me?" Allie asked, her head leaning on Nick's shoulder as she was swaddled up in a blanket on the couch, the both of them watching some awful cooking show on TV. "Not really," Nick said. "...I did something horrible," Allie whispered and Nick stroked her hair. "It's fine," he said back softly, "We all do something horrible."
0 Comments
"Allie?" a voice asked, and then it repeated, "Allie? Yoo-hoo?"
Allie finally snapped out of it and looked up, remembering she was in AA. She sighed, scratched the back of her head and nodded. "Sorry," she mumbled, "Uh, I've found it really hard to concentrate lately." "That's okay," the man running the group, Michael, said with a smile, "Anything you'd like to share with us?" "Uh...just that, it's been a few weeks now since I've stopped drinking, or taking anything, and I've been sleeping like shit and I haven't had much of an appetite, and I keep wondering if maybe my body was so used to what I was doing to it than it won't know how to survive without that input. Certainly I know that I theoretically am doing better, but...um...mentally, I just feel like I'm not there at all anymore, if that makes sense? My whole identity became so entangled with the substance abuses that I almost don't remember how to be the person I was without them." Michael nodded, jotted something down and then looked back at her, indicating she could continue. Allie took a deep breath and looked around the room, at the others watching her, as she went on. "I'm mostly doing this for a friend," she said, "...my only real friend, I guess, because I need to be sober in order to help her. Because she's the only one who really proves that she believes in me. I'm sick of letting down the people who say they believe in me." "What do you do when you can't sleep?" a young woman sitting to the right asked, and Allie exhaled. "Uh...watch TV or read or just try and pass the time any way that I can, really," Allie replied, "You know, it's weird, you don't realize how much it not only becomes a necessity but a hobby, or vice versa, until you've stopped. Only then do you kind of look back and recognize just how much time was spent on your substance abuse. Which makes sense, if it's all that kept you going, but then if it's all that kept you going...what do you do with yourself when it's gone? I guess that's, like, where I'm struggling the most." Allie slumped back in her seat and let someone else speak, as she dug her nails into the knees of her jeans and chewed her bottom lip. A few weeks now without a sip of alcohol or any pills....god, it felt like a lifetime ago, and even though she knew it was better for her, she didn't know what to do with all her spare time other than focus on her magic, so that's what she decided to do. *** "Well, I'm proud of you," Effie said, holding up a glass at the bar and clinking it against Allie's. "Thank you," Allie said, before taking a sip of her soda, "yeah, it's been....an adjustment, that's for sure." "But a welcome one, I would assume?" "I guess, sure," Allie said, shrugging and glancing around, "I don't know, man, it's weird. Everything is weird. When you're sober you have to, like, actually see the world around you, and wonder how your life got to be this way. When you're fucked up all the time, it doesn't matter. The ordinary now has become the abnormal." "Well," Effie said, lighting a cigar, "With any luck, your life could benefit from having less actual abnormality. You owned a tiger, for fucks sake, dude. I think you can manage being kinda boring for once." Allie genuinely laughed at this, and appreciated having a stand up comedian being a close friend. They heard a chair scrape the floor beside Allie's stool, and saw Zoe seat herself. "Hey kid, where you been?" Allie asked. "I have been getting props for our upcoming show," Zoe said, "It's...uh, well, it's going to be good, is all I can say. I actually feel somewhat confident now that we've had a few smaller performances under our belt. You're lucky Tony pays for everything though, cause this stuff is expensive." The bartender came and set yet another soda down in front of Zoe, which she happily thanked them for and started to sip. After a moment, she pushed her glasses up her face and sighed. "It's weird, feeling, like, serene for a change," Zoe said, "For the first time in months I feel like nothing is going wrong. You almost get used to waiting for the other shoe to drop, you know?" "Absolutely, that's what being raised catholic is all about," Effie said, "like, something good happened so something bad is on the way. Everything's got a guilty price tag attached to it. Nothing can ever just be nice and happy. You always have to suffer for something you got that you wanted." Allie laughed again and turned around in her stool while they talked, only to see Sunny standing by the slots a few feet away. Her drink caught in her throat, she almost choked, then managed to swallow before slipping away from the girls and heading over to him. "What are you doing here?" she asked, as she approached. "Hey!" Sunny said, "Nothing, just hanging out. I live in Vegas, I think I'm allowed to visit a casino. It's kind of the selling points." "Alright, fair enough," Allie said, "but you could visit any casino and you just happened to choose the one I work in? That I live in?" "You live here?" "You didn't know that?" "No, I didn't know one could live in a casino," Sunny said, running a hand through his long blonde hair as the showgirl beside him hit a small jackpot and continued pumping coins into the machine; he added, "That's pretty cool actually." "I have your money," Allie said, "If you're here to square up." "Sure," Sunny replied, "Let's go." Allie glanced around, making sure nobody was watching, and then the two of them headed up the stairs. As they walked, Sunny chuckled, making Allie nervous. "What?" she asked. "You're choosing the stairs?" "Elevators have cameras. Nobody knows you're here, right?" "I'd be a pretty lousy drug dealer if everyone knew my whereabouts, sweetheart," Sunny said, making Allie snicker, as he added, "but you know the floor of the casino has cameras too, and they likely captured us together." "Yeah but those get wiped every night," Allie said, "so it's okay." "Huh, didn't know that." "Saves on memory," Allie said, "That way they don't have to continue to pay for more storage, especially when nothing of interest is happening and thus why should they save the footage." Allie and Sunny had known one another for a long enough time now that they could easily have a conversation like friends, and not just dealer and client. This helped them feel more comfortable, trust worthy around one another, and eased the tension of their business together. Sunny was better than the other drug dealers she'd met in her time in Vegas, mostly because he wasn't total scum. He was somewhat sleazy, something even he'd admit to, but he wasn't an outright creep. He didn't hit on Allie, he didn't try and get her interested in other stock, he merely sold her what she asked for and appreciated her business. It'll be weird, Allie thought as she walked up the stairs heading to her suite, after I give him his money, he'll be out of my life forever. *** Allie had met Sunny a bit after the hospital had cut off her prescription to painkillers. She'd heard through the grapevine in the casino, from other workers who used him, that he was the best there was, precisely because he wasn't an outright weirdo. He was just a normal, sometimes scuzzy dude, who happened to sell the things they needed. So Allie got his number, and he and Allie met up at a small italian bistro downtown. When she first saw him, she was surprised by his lack of professionalism. There he was, sitting at the table, in one of his patented hawaiian shirts and his zip off shorts, his long blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail, drinking a beer. "Hi," Allie said, as she approached the table, "I'm Allie. I called you about-" "I know what you called me about, no need repeating it where others can hear," Sunny replied, "Please, sit down." "I'm...I'm nervous, I've never done anything like this before, and if the hospital hadn't cut me off, I likely wouldn't be." "Why'd they cut you off?" Sunny asked, nursing his beer. "Uh, they just don't think I need it anymore, and I may have been somewhat abusing it, but...I do still need it. I'm...I'm in tremendous pain daily." "From what?" "I was attacked by my tiger in my stage show," Allie said, "I'm a magician at a casino, The Card Shark, and this whole thing went really wrong, and...anyway, I'm in screaming agony constantly and the only thing that really seems to help is heavy duty painkillers." Sunny smiled and reached down to his backpack on the floor. "You know, that's pretty cool that you work with big animals." "Not anymore." Sunny laughed, and Allie smiled. "I don't blame you," he replied, "After an incident like that, fuck that noise, am I right? Well, I can provide you with basically whatever you want. I recommend you start with what you were taking though, if that's what worked best for you." "Do you...have like, medical training or something?" "Yeah, I was going to school to be a doctor," Sunny said, "That's why I know all this stuff, and it's why I have connections, because most of my friends wound up being doctors, so we scratch one anothers backs, you know?" Allie nodded as Sunny pulled out a pad of paper and a pen. "So, let's talk about what you were on," he said. Sunny was, to Allie's surprise, extremely professional, and they would go on to have a long and fruitful partnership together. Sunny never tried to get her on anything else, he never tried to push anything harder on her, and he never threatened to cut her off if she was a little behind on paying him, as she had been as of late. But he was still a drug dealer. And that was something Allie couldn't believe she'd ever gotten involved with, and couldn't believe she would finally be free of. *** "Shit, dude, nice digs," Sunny said as he entered the suite, "You live like a goddamn queen." "I am a goddamn queen," Allie said, making him smirk as she walked to the bookshelf, pulled off a fake book and opened it, taking out a wad of cash and unfurling it, counting out the exact amount he was owed. Sunny wandered around the room as she did this, taking in all her memorabilia, all her old show posters and photos. "You know, I'm gonna miss you," Sunny said, "I really am. You were certainly my coolest client." "That's sweet, Sunny, thanks," Allie said, smiling a little as she licked her finger and continued flicking through bills. After a few minutes, she finally finished counting, wrapped a rubber band around the wad and handed it to Sunny, who took it and shoved it into his pocket. "Not even gonna count it?" she asked. "Naw, I trust you," he said, "...I guess this is goodbye, unless you just want to hang out sometime." "Maybe, maybe sometime when I'm, like, really sober and won't backslide," Allie said, "Sorry to put you out of a client." "Eh, lots of people who need my services," Sunny said, shrugging, "Like that new partner of yours, who knows, she might want something sometime." Allie stopped in her tracks. "No, I told you, she doesn't...you need to stay away from her, she doesn't need anything." "She can say no. She has the option." "She doesn't need the option," Allie said, starting to get angry, adding, "There's plenty of people in this casino alone, you can't just, you know, peddle to them? You have to go after the one person I'm regularly associated with now?" "Why not? Look dude, I'm a businessman, alright? I have to keep my numbers up. I lost a customer, now I need to gain a customer. That's just basic economics. Need to replace that loss with growth," Sunny said, "It isn't personal, Al, it's...you know, it's just business." Allie couldn't believe this. She had squared up with him. She and Sunny had had such a professional relationship, and now this? Where was this coming from? She'd told him specifically to stay away from Zoe, and now here he was, with Allie's last pay installment and stating he was going to ask Zoe anyway? What the fuck. "I need you to promise me you aren't going to approach her," Allie said, walking in front of Sunny and standing in front of the door, "Before I let you leave, I need you to promise me that." "Jesus, why is that so important to you? She's just some kid, Al, she's gonna leave you anyway. She probably doesn't wanna play second fiddle to someone else forever. She doesn't want to live in your shadow. Would you?" "I....I don't...that doesn't matter, this isn't about losing her as a partner, this is about doing the right thing, and that is that she doesn't need anything you're selling." "Allie, get out of my way," Sunny said, sounding stern, his brow furrowing. "Not until you promise me-" "I'm not promising shit!" Sunny grabbed her shoulders and pushed her aside. Allie stumbled and grabbed onto the wall, then grabbed a trophy from the shelf and slammed it against his back. Sunny cried out in pain, then turned to face her. As he approached, she stumbled and fell onto her back as he stepped forward, getting ever closer. Allie kicked him in the shin, forcing Sunny to slide forward in pain, then lose his footing and fall forward, his neck hitting the side of the coffee table and his lifeless body rolling to the floor. Allie sat there for a few moments, in absolute stunned silence. "Sun...Sunny?" she asked, crawling toward him, seeing the blood leak from his head onto the floor, beginning to pool; her lip quivered as her breath caught in her chest, "oh fuck, oh shit, oh fuck shit." The door opened and Zoe was standing there, looking down at this sight. "...what the fuck?" she whispered. "It was an accident, he...he came at me, and he was...he was going to get you hooked on something, he...he threatened to get you addicted to something, I had to stop him," Allie said, her words falling out of her mouth at a mile a minute, her pulse pounding as she said, "I...I did it for you. I just...I wanted to protect you, and he-" Zoe walked around the body and helped Allie up, hugging her. "Are you okay?" she asked. "Y...yeah, I'm fine," Allie muttered, "I'm okay." Zoe and Allie broke from the hug and looked down at Sunny's body, both unsure what to do or say. After what felt like an eternity, Zoe cleared her throat. "We have to hide him," she said. *** "They say police are in the most dangerous profession, the ones who are most often killed in the line of duty, but honestly that's my field," Sunny said that day at their first meeting, after he and Allie had sorted out their arrangement and ordered lunch; he added, "Do you know how many drug dealers are killed by their own clients?" "A lot, huh?" "It's unreal. That's why we have to be so careful," he continued, "but you don't seem like a threat, so I don't think I have much to worry about in regards to you." "You better watch out, I'm a magician," Allie said, wiggling her fingers, "I can make you...disappear." They both burst out laughing. Little did they know how true that'd wind up being. "I have to be hallucinating," Allie mumbled as she tried to stand back up, one hand on the hood of the car, the other hand on her forehead, massaging it, as if that'd somehow make the cardboard cutout of herself stop speaking to her.
"Well no shit you're hallucinating, dumbass," Cardboard said, "because your life is in shambles and you took a dangerous combination of pills and alcohol. Now stand me upright so we can have a proper conversation." Allie stumbled over, grabbed the cutout and shoved it back into the passenger seat of the car before going back around and climbing into the drivers seat, starting the car back up. "This is going to be a long night," Allie muttered, as Cardboard scoffed. "Please, at least you have autonomy," they replied. Allie backed the car up and headed down the road that led them up here. As she turned the radio dial, searching for something - anything - to listen to, Cardboard sighed. "So you're just gonna ignore me? Seems to be your MO, after all, ignore anything in your life that you might possibly be at fault for," Cardboard said. "At fault for? How am I at fault for you?" Allie asked, sounding annoyed. "Okay, well, sure, you didn't create me, I was made in a processing plant somewhere in the city, but still. You gave yourself this victim complex." "Victim complex?" "Yeah, you heard me, victim complex. You think you're a victim, but the only thing you're a victim of is your own poor choices! And everything bad that's come as a result, are also directly because of your own poor choices! You have a disease, an addiction, and it's somewhat understandable, considering what happened to you, but it's still something you've never really sought actual help for once it overtook your life." "That...that isn't true, see, I have Zoe now, and-" "She's half your age and it isn't her responsibility to clean up your act!" Cardboard shouted, making Allie swerve momentarily. "You yell at me again and I'll set you on fire," Allie said coldly, and Cardboard laughed. "Yeah, right. Like you could ever destroy a piece of yourself. You're such a narcissist," Cardboard remarked, "I mean, you can tell the true narcissists by the fact that they're the kids who thought they'd be famous as adults and actually followed through with it, no matter what it cost them. You didn't do what you did for the magic, you did it for the fame, because mommy and daddy didn't love you enough." "That isn't true!" Allie shouted, changing lanes suddenly to keep driving without stopping at a red light, "They loved me a lot! And I did do it for the magic! I love magic!" "Sure, maybe at first, but now you're just desperate to get back to that good spot you were once in instead of accepting that that time is over and now is the time to build something new, something maybe even better," Cardboard said, "but nooo, you're too hung up on the past. Hung up on Nick." "Nick loved me..." "And look what he did. He left." "He left because...because of me..." Allie said, realizing what Cardboard was saying was true. She pulled over the an empty parking lot and turned the car off, glancing over at Cardboard and, biting her lip, asked, "I know that I'm why Nick left. It isn't even something I tried to blame on anyone else. I know my behavior, my refusal to change it, is why he's gone, and I...I don't even really blame him. I wouldn't stick around for me either." Cardboard looked at Allie as she wiped her eyes on her arm and tried, poorly, to hold back tears. Allie felt terrible, she wanted to go to Nick, to tell him how very sorry she was for everything, for putting him through all she put him through all because she couldn't stop abusing medication and alcohol, but... "...I can't even tell him he didn't deserve it, and that I'm sorry, because I've done that. I made promises I quickly broke time and time again, it's nothing he hasn't already heard. No apology I will ever make will sound sincere and genuine, because I've...I'm a liar." "You're not a liar. You're sick," Cardboard said, "but you can get better, and you have people around you who want you to, who want to be your friends. But people will only put up with you for so long before they realize you have no intention to follow through on getting better. Then they begin to distance themselves, not because they don't care for you, but because they care for you so much that it hurts to see you do this, and they can't stand to be there when it goes south." Allie leaned back in her seat and sighed, running her hands over her face and into her hair. She chewed on her lip, her eyes still wet with pools of tears. "...everyone leaves though," Allie whispered, "first Megan left the act, then Domino hurt me and had to be taken away, and now Nick...you're not right though, about mom and dad, I mean. They loved me. But I do admit I think they're annoyed I'm not doing something to better the world. They don't view entertainment as a necessity. Great works of art? Sure. That they're fully behind. The american novel, the classic paintings, the life changing songwriters. But just entertainment for the sake of entertainment? Things like board games, and sitcoms and...magic...things that don't need to exist and that the world would be no different without...yeah, they don't view that as a necessity, and it kind of hurts." "But you're successful beyond your wildest dreams? Doesn't that sort of prove them wrong?" "Of course not. To them, people will pay for anything. My success only further strengthens their beliefs in the idea that mindless entertainment is an opiate for the masses who aren't smart enough to take in real art, and instead get wowed by some goofball in a top hat do simple card tricks," Allie said. Cardboard sighed as Allie tilted her seat back, opened the sunroof, and then tilted Cardboard's seat back as well, so they could both look up to the stars again. "But you're proud of yourself, aren't you?" Cardboard asked. "Shit yeah I am," Allie responded, "Are you kidding me? I set a goal when I was a child and I reached it. How many people can say that?" "And yet your folks disapproval hurts?" "Of course it does. I mean, I've shrugged it off mostly at this point, but it still stings a bit," Allie said, "...but Zoe...she seems to be the kind of person whose life I really touched without even trying. She was there, as a kid, and saw the attack. I feel terrible that a child witnessed that, and even worse that it set her down a path to doing what I do, but...I've seen her do magic, she's very talented, and if she could get over her stage fright, she'd be a spectacular magician. But am I simply using her as a way to escape my issues?" "If you are, is that so bad?" Cardboard asked, and Allie shrugged as she uncapped her flask and drank more. "I don't know. I don't want her to feel like I'm using her, because I'm not. I see her for what she could be," Allie said, "I want to help her reach her potential, because I can see what she has, what she's capable of, and...and I want to really be her friend." A long pause filled the car, as the sound of nearby cars flooded in through the open sunroof. Allie rubbed her eyes on her palms and lit a cigarette, taking a few puffs before blowing the smoke out the sunroof. "...what can I do to show her that I'm ready to be better? That I'm...that I'm willing to work with her? She's my friend, she's my business partner, what can I do?" Allie asked, noticing the silence when Cardboard didn't respond. She rolled her head and glanced at the cutout, to see it had stopped talking, stopped moving whatsoever, and she realized whatever trip she was on... ...it was over now. *** Zoe was seated on her bed when the door opened and her sister, Thea, was standing there. Zoe looked up, her bushy hair pulled back in a ponytail - or the best ind of ponytail she could manage given her hair type - as her scrapbooking effort was interrupted. "What's up?" Zoe asked. "Someone is here to see you," Thea said, "They're outside in the driveway, and they may be drunk." "...oh," Zoe said, "Okay." Zoe got up and pulled her jacket on, then headed outside. She spotted Allie leaning against her car, still smoking her cigarette. Allie tossed it on the ground and stomped it out as Zoe approached, her hands stuffed in her coat pockets. "What are you doing here?" Zoe asked, "It's really late." "I had the weirdest most fucked up night, man." "Yeah? Was that before or after you left us all at the zoo?" Zoe asked, clearly sounding pissed. "...okay, yeah, I deserve that, and I'm sorry, and I hope Effie understands I'm sorry too. I...I overheard Jenny talking to my ex on the phone, and I think between losing Domino and then that, I sort of...snapped. That...that doesn't excuse my abrupt exit, but I hope you understand now what happened, and how sorry I am." Zoe kicked a small pebble with her shoe and shrugged. "I guess, yeah, that's understandable." "Zoe...I believe in your skills, and you've been such a good friend to me, and I don't want to let anyone down anymore, especially someone who seems to actually believe in me as much as you do, so please, will you come with me to rehab meetings? I...I need to get clean, like, for good, and with the help of professionals. I can't keep doing this." Zoe smiled and nodded. "Yeah, yeah of course I will. You know I'd love to do that with you." Allie threw her arms around Zoe's shoulders and squeezed her tight, crying into her bushy hair. "I'm so sorry," she cried, "I'm so sorry I've been so bad to you." "It's okay," Zoe replied, "...uh, is that a cardboard cutout of yourself?" "Yeah, yes, that's another thing, can you hold onto that thing for me for a bit? It's freakin' me out," Allie said, reaching back in and tugging it out from the passengers seat out the drivers side door and shoving it into Zoe's arms, adding, "please, just...I need some time apart from it." "You two have an argument, or?" Zoe asked, smirking, making Allie laugh. "Zoe," she said, "You have no idea the kind of evening I have had." *** Sitting in the car, chewing on her nails, Allie couldn't help but feel nervous. She hadn't ever expected to actually go to rehab with the intent to truly fix herself. Everytime she'd gone before she'd done it to make Nick happy, not to actually get better. She'd just always assumed that this was how she was now, and that she couldn't get back to who she'd been before. "You okay?" Zoe asked, "You gonna be alright?" "I think I'll be fine," Allie said, "Thanks for coming with me." "That's what friends do," Zoe replied, smiling as she touched Allie's hand. The two got out of the parked car and headed into the building. It was a quiet building, used mostly for group meetings such as AA and other types of things, and the silence was welcoming to Allie, who was feeling extremely overwhelmed by the amount of sound the casino had daily. As they headed down a hall and approached the door on the slip of paper in Zoe's hand, Allie began to get nervous. She was ready, she knew she was, but she just needed another minute before taking this step. "I think I should use the restroom before we go in," she said, "I...I don't want to interrupt group by having to piss." "Okay. I'll go inside and hold your seat," Zoe said, letting Allie head further down the hallway until she found the bathroom. As she put her hand on the bathroom door leading into the womans room, she heard the man standing by the water fountain speak. "Haven't seen you in a while," he said, and Allie stopped cold. "Sunny?" she asked, turning to look at him. A handsome man; long blonde hair and in a hawaiian shirt and some tan slacks. He grinned at her as she pulled herself away from the door and approached him, her arms folded. "What are you doing here?" she asked. "Good place to find new clients," Sunny said, "what are you doing here?" "God that's sleazy," Allie whispered, "I'm....I'm here to get sober, honestly." "That's a shame. I always thought I could count on you," Sunny said, "You know you still owe me some money." "I know," Allie said, "I'm a little tied up right now, but my boss just gave me a partner and we'll be making more very soon, so I should have it for you any time." "I've already given you a while, but I suppose another week or so couldn't hurt, just try not to make it longer than that," Sunny said, running his hands through his hair, "...you got a partner in the show now?" "Yeah." "She need anything?" "No, and you stay the fuck away from her. She's a good, clean kid and she doesn't need to be dragged down with filth like us," Allie said, almost sneering at him. "Alright, cool your jets, it was just a question," Sunny said, checking his watch, "I have to run. I'll try and catch up with you in a week or so and we'll see if we can square up. And hey, if not, maybe I can get your partner interested and she can make it up for you with her own habit." He smiled, patted her on the face and headed down the hall. Allie stood there, fuming, as it began to dawn on her just how hard to might actually be to get out of this habit once and for all, especially if Sunny were involved. She groaned, then headed inside to pee. When she rejoined the group, she found Zoe sitting with her hand on the chair beside her, reserved for Allie. Allie smiled and took her seat by her friend, as the group was going around introducing themselves to one another. "You're a little late, but that's okay," the group head, a short haired man named Michael, said to Allie. "I had to use the bathroom." "That's fine, why don't you introduce yourself to everyone." Allie exhaled and looked around at this room full of alcoholics and drug users, realizing she was just the same as them, and that with their help, soon none of them would be those things anymore. This level of support was something she admired. She shut her eyes and nodded. "My name is Allie Meers, I'm a professional magician here in Vegas...and I really need to get sober." *** Lying in bed that night, staring at the cardboard cutout of Allie in her room, Zoe couldn't help but feel like she'd done something good. Something truly good. Something that nobody else, not even Nick, had been capable of doing, and that was getting Allie to really want to fix herself. The bedroom door opened and Thea stood there, eating from a bowl of cereal. "What's that?" she asked, mouth full of trix. "That's a cardboard cutout of my friend," Zoe said, "She wanted me to hang onto it for a while for her." "Creepy," Thea replied, "...everything okay?" "Yeah. She just needed some help...Thea, thanks for not making me go back to mom and dad, and letting me stay here with you," Zoe said, pulling her knees to her chest on the bed as she sat up and Thea smiled as she entered and seated herself on the bed. "You're my little sister," she said, setting her half finished bowl of cereal on the nightstand and ruffling Zoe's hair, "I'd do anything, within reason, for you, you know that. I think it's great that you're actually helping this lady, especially if it helps you further your own career." "I don't even know that I care so much about that anymore," Zoe said, "I mean, I do, I can't lie, but...she was my hero, and she's still my hero, and I hate seeing her destroy herself like this. If it could happen to her, it could happen to me, and maybe if I help her get sober, she'll help me stay clean." "That's a good way of looking at it, yeah," Thea said, rubbing Zoe's back. "It's more than a partnership, it's a friendship," Zoe said, "and I know there's a boundary, there's a line that can't be crossed because I can't let her take advantage of me, but...without her I don't know that I could do anything." "You're talented, don't ever tell yourself you can't do something," Thea said, "You don't need someone else. Remember that. She needs you way more than you need her." "...okay," Zoe mumbled, as she laid back down and rolled onto her side. Thea stood back up, scooped her bowl back from the table and headed out of the bedroom after saying goodnight, which Zoe didn't respond to. As she heard the door click shut, Zoe rolled back onto her back and sat up, propped by her elbows, looking at the cardboard cutout. Thea was wrong. They needed eachother equally. That's what friendship was. |
ABOUT
Allie Meers is what she dreamed of being since she was a little girl...a successful Vegas magician. The only problem now is she can't make all her problems disappear; Allie grapples with her strained relationship, crippling addictions and FBI agents on her tail, all while trying to stay at the top of her career. Archives
December 2023
Categories |