Allie could feel the tile under her hands, the cool of the bathrooms air conditioner keeping her from overheating as its hum filled the room. She groaned and reached up, gripping the toilet and pulling herself up, sitting now against the side of the bathtub. She exhaled and rubbed her face, feeling sick to her stomach. How could she keep doing this to herself? She needed to stop, but she couldn't. Allie stumbled as she got up, and grabbed the bathrobe from the wall, pulling it over her underwear as she exited the bathroom and headed to the kitchen. Upon entrance, she heard a spoon stirring, and turned to see Zoe standing there, cooking.
"Jesus!" Allie shouted, tugging the robe tighter around herself, "What are you doing here?!" "I...you had me come over last night, remember?" Zoe asked, "You called and left me a voicemail." Zoe dug her phone from her pants and flipped it open, plugged in her passcode for her mailbox and played it, holding it up so Allie could listen. "I don't wanna be alone," Allie said on the machine, "and you're the only, like, person who can be around me, so you should probably do that. Please come over. I'm in the bathroom." Zoe shut her phone and put it back into her pocket, then continued cooking as Allie sat herself down at the counter and ran her hands over her face. She felt embarrassed, but was thankful she wasn't waking up to an empty penthouse again. Zoe put a mug of coffee down in front of Allie, and Allie smiled and thanked her as she gripped the handle and lifted it to her lips, sipping it. "What are you making?" she asked as she finished drinking. "I'm making scrambled eggs," Zoe said, "Because we have a job to do today." "We...we do?" Allie asked, "this is news to me." "Your cousin called," Zoe said, "It's her daughters birthday, and she wants you to come perform some tricks. I told her we'd be delighted to take that offer." "Oh god, not Megan, right?" Allie asked, and Zoe nodded, making Allie throw her head back, groaning louder, "ughhhhh, I can't stand her, she's so...perfect. She's everything my parents wish I were. Everything I probably could've been had that not happened." Zoe finished cooking and scooped some scrambled eggs and bacon onto a plate, sliding it in front of Allie and handing her a fork before going back to serve herself. "Well," Zoe said, stuffing some bacon in her mouth, "I'll be there, and I'll keep things on track. I'll make sure we do the job, don't get sucked into any familial drama and get out of there with nothing going wrong, okay?" Allie smiled a little, and began eating. As she chewed, she couldn't help but wonder why, other than hero worship, Zoe was working so hard to make things easy for her. Whatever the reason was, Allie was appreciative, even if she didn't outwardly show it, because lord knew lately she was having trouble keeping herself on task. Maybe this situation would work out after all, and maybe, in the end, things would get better for a change. The girls finished eating, and Allie went to find something for Allie to wear for their afternoon at a kids birthday. Zoe, sitting on the bed while Allie dug through her enormous walk in closet, couldn't help but feel self conscious as she played with the ends of her hair. After a moment, Allie came out with stacks of clothes over her arm, and tossed them onto the bed beside Zoe. "There's a lot here that I used to wear when I started out, and you look about my size, so something here should work. We'll get you your own outfit eventually, but for today, cause it's such short notice, you'll have to wear a hand me down," Allie said. "That's fine, I don't mind," Zoe replied, beginning to sift through what had been brought out. "I'll have to dip back into the stuff I learned as a kid in order to come up with anything that won't frighten them," Allie said as she shut the closet doors and lit up a cigarette, puffing on it, adding, "thankfully kids are easily impressed, so it shouldn't be too hard." "This one is pretty," Zoe said, pulling out a robins egg blue leotard with red trim, the whole thing shimmering in the light, and Allie nodded. "That was one of my favorite pieces," she said, "If that's what you like, feel free to wear it. I'll let you change." Allie exited the room to give Zoe some privacy. Zoe stood up from the bed and undressed, then pulled the outfit on and was surprised to see it fit her snug as can be. She walked to the body length mirror in the corner of the room and admired herself, smiling. She couldn't believe her luck. She was not only helping her hero, but she was also wearing one of her hero's favorite outfits from her own career. After she picked out a pair of knee high boots to go with her outfit, Zoe resurfaced in the living room to find Allie was also dressed in her usual magicians outfit. "Heyyy," Allie said, seeing her, "You look good! I see I was right, you're totally my size." "I took some of your boots," Zoe said, showing her legs off. "Eh, it's fine, I've got a million of them. Come on, let's get outta here," Allie said. With that, the girls exited the penthouse, and headed down through the casino to a rental car Zoe was able to procure from the casino, so they could show up in style. As Zoe drove, Allie continued smoking and blowing the smoke out the window, thinking about how long it had been since she'd actually seen her cousin, or her cousins daughter for that matter. After she'd become addicted to the painkillers, she'd been somewhat uninvited to most of the family get togethers that took place near her, for reasons she completely understood, even if she wasn't happy about. But today, she'd show them all. With Zoe's help, she'd show them that she wasn't the screw up they all thought she was. After all...how hard could it be to impress children, and the adults who acted like them? *** "I told you not to invite her," Megan said as she stuck candles into the princess cake, her husband Jeff, standing behind her, mixing up some fruit punch in a large glass bowl for the kids to enjoy. He sighed and turned around, facing her. "I thought it was the nice thing to do," he said, "She'd be working, so she would be out of circulation, and besides, Lane keeps asking me why she can't see her anymore, and I don't think it's fair to keep her apart from her family just because we might have a problem with them." Megan sighed and finished pushing in the last candle, looking up at Jeff; she said, "I guess, I guess that's fair. Our judgement of Allie is not her judgement of Allie. And who knows, maybe she's gotten better. I doubt it, but I suppose strangers things have happened." The glass sliding door leading to the backyard opened up, and Lane came in, wearing her princess outfit for the party. She looked at her parents, who smiled at her. "Is Allie coming?" Lane asked. "Her friend said they'd be here, sweetheart, so don't worry," Jeff said, reaching down and stroking his daughters hair. She lit up at this news, and raced back outside to tell all her friends. "Her friend?" Megan asked. "Some woman answered the phone, said she worked with Allie," Jeff said, standing back up and going back to fixing more snacks for the kids, "Said they'd be here as soon as possible." "Huh, maybe she finally got a sponsor," Megan said, making Jeff smirk. *** Zoe pulled up the house Allie instructed her to stop in front of, and parked. Zoe turned the car off and undid her seatbelt, then exhaled as she looked at the steering wheel. Allie put her cigarette out, spritzed herself with something to hide the stench of smoke, and then glanced at Zoe. "You okay?" she asked. "Nervous." "This isn't even an actual show, it's for children," Allie replied, "What's got you nervous?" "...okay, so, despite all the practice I've done and being a fan forever, I've never actually...performed in front of anyone," Zoe said, taking Allie by surprise. "You've got to be kidding" Allie thought to herself...Tony had given her an apprentice with no actual experience? Jesus, they were really starting from the ground up then. Allie had her work cut out for her. But, she figured, perhaps this was a blessing in disguise, because if she had to focus on helping Zoe get better at her craft, then she'd have less a chance to get fucked up, which could be good for her. Allie sighed and took one of Zoe's hands, patting it. "You'll be fine," she said, "I'll be right there, so just follow my lead, alright?" Zoe nodded, and the two of them got out of the car, heading up the walk to the house. As they approached, they saw a curtain in the front window flutter, and suddenly the front door swung open, and Jeff came out. "Hey Jeff," Allie said, throwing her arms around him, hugging tight, "It's so good to see you again." "Yeah, you too, you look good. Um, I'm gonna need you two to come in through the side door, so the girls don't see you and get overly excited. Lane has been asking when you'd arrive all morning," Jeff said, leading the girls through the side gate and to the side of the house. He opened the door and together the three of them slipped into the house. It looked exactly as it always had; perfect in every way. The sort of home you'd see in a magazine, the sort of home that was clearly kept after well by the perfect couple, and this made Allie feel inferior. Despite living in a penthouse suite, she didn't live in a home, and that made her feel homeless by extension. Sure, she lived in a Casino penthouse, but this space actually felt lived in, and that made a big difference. Jeff led the girls upstairs to his and Megan's bedroom, and shut the door behind them. "I'm glad to know Lake is excited to see me," Allie said, and Jeff smiled. "Yeah, she's really stoked. This your friend?" he asked, nodding at Zoe. "This is Zoe, yes, she's working with me now on my act," Allie said. "That's surprising, I can vividly recall you saying you'd always work alone," Jeff said, crossing his arms. "Well, I was young and foolish," Allie said, making him laugh. "Well," Jeff said, "Everyone is in the backyard, except for Megan who's in the kitchen, so just head down and out whenever you feel you're ready. There's snacks in the kitchen too, but they're more for the kids than adults, so Megan may chastise you for taking some." Allie nodded, and Jeff left the room. Zoe began pacing, tugging at her hair, clearly nervous. Allie began looking around the bedroom, trying to soak in all the newness of her cousins life and what had changed since they'd last seen one another. The bedroom was so well kept, not a single sock out of place, and this made Allie feel like even more of a mess than she already did. She finally noticed Zoe, and put her hands on Zoe's shoulders, turning her to face her. "Hey," Allie said, "it's okay, you're okay, I'm right here, everything is going to be fine, and if it isn't, they'll blame me, not you. I'm the one with the addictions and vices, you're just the assistant." Zoe nodded, and after a few moments of gathering themselves, she followed Allie downstairs. *** The first time Allie saw her cousin with her baby, it was at a show in a small venue in downtown Vegas. A small dingy little place called The Fishbowl, somewhere she frequented for ages before Tony discovered her, and still went back to now and then for old times sake. Jeff and Megan said they'd come, and come they did, baby in tow. After the show, Megan and Jeff decided to have a few drinks so Allie could drive them home. Allie had rarely been the designated driver, but she tried not to drink on nights she performed, at least before the show. Sitting there at a table in the corner, away from everyone else, holding this little child swaddled in blankets while Jeff and Megan got their buzz on, Allie couldn't help but feel like she had an audience who actually would be wow'd by her skills, and so, using her free arm, she did simple tricks with the metal rings, which - as predicted - easily excited little Lane. From that night on, Lane had an incredible appreciation for Allie's magic, and Allie, even at her lowest, always made sure to give Lane special gifts for her birthday. So to be there today, to perform for Lane's birthday...she knew this was important, and nothing, not even herself, would fuck it up. *** "How's your arm?" Megan asked, as the girls entered the kitchen. "...it's there, so," Allie replied, "that's gotta count for something, I guess." Megan chuckled and walked over to Allie, surprising her by giving her a hug, which Allie reciprocated. She hadn't seen Megan or Jeff in a year or two now, and now being welcomed into the home, treated like family yet again, she welcomed it. As the hug broke, Megan looked at Zoe. "Is this your friend?" she asked. "This is my friend Zoe, she's working with me on my act," Allie said, "She wants to do what I do, so I'm showing her the ropes, helping her get a leg up." "That's really cool," Megan said, reaching out to shake Zoe's hand, which Zoe happily let her do. Megan then picked up the tray of cupcakes and turned back to Zoe, asking, "Would you mind taking these out to my husband? He's in the backyard now." Zoe obliged, and exited the kitchen as Megan folded her arms and leaned against the counter, looking at Allie. "You look like shit," she said, "How's Nick?" "...Nick dumped me," Allie said, looking at the floor, "which, I mean, I guess I can't blame him, but it still hurts. Still, I understand his decision." "Took him long enough." "You're telling me." "Are you drinking?" "...kind of? I mean, I'm trying to taper off, cause my boss at Card Shark is giving me grief, but I am trying at least," Allie said. "And pills?" "Still taking them, still in immense pain," Allie said, "I don't think that's going to change anytime soon." The door slid open and Zoe came back in. Megan and Allie shut up upon her re-entrance, and Megan picked up the cake and began walking outside with it, leaving the girls alone. Zoe stood against the sink where Megan had leaned and looked at Allie. "Are you okay? Was she being mean to you?" Zoe asked, and Allie shook her head. "No, she was just...being Megan," Allie said, "We grew up together, we have a lot of history, so for her to see me do to myself what I've done...it hurts her. Sure, my predicament wasn't entirely my fault, I got attacked by a tiger, but...I haven't really been trying to make it better either. I guess I just sort of accepted at some point that if you're in show business, any kind of show business, then eventually you wind up hooked on stuff to cope." "...you know, that night it happened," Zoe said, "Tiger attack aside...that was the best magic show I've ever seen." Allie smiled and wiped her eyes on her sleeve. "C'mon kid, let's give these children what they want," she said, putting her arm around her partner and walking into the backyard with her. *** Actually, that history Allie had mentioned? It was much deeper than just growing up together. For the longest time, Allie and Megan had been a team. Neither one had any siblings, so they considered one another their sister, and as such, the girls had a bond that could not be broken, or so they thought. When Allie told Megan she was finally going to go for her dream, Megan wanted in, and for a while the two toured as a duo. The Astounding Allie and Magnificent Megan. When Megan met Jeff, it put a strain on the act, and Allie took it personally. She was happy for her cousin, certainly, but after that soured, she promised never to be part of a duo again. She never really wanted to in the first place, she had only bought into the idea because she and Megan had been so close growing up that it felt like the right thing to do, but once Megan left, that was when she decided to go solo forever. A few months after the split, Allie was discovered by Tony. And that night, sitting in the theater with her husband - their daughter being babysit at home - Megan couldn't help but feel guilty as she watched her cousin's arm being torn to shreds on that stage, her screams filling the auditorium as people fled in fear. Jeff tugged on Megan's arm, trying to get her to leave with him, but she refused to budge. This was her fault. She'd left Allie. She'd caused this. Allie never would've gotten this risky if Megan had still been around. Megan lived with that regret every single day, but she never told Allie this. Allie had enough problems as it was. *** Afterwards, sitting in the bar on the main floor of Card Shark, Allie and Zoe were eating bar food while the sounds of machines rang out behind them. The show had gone well, Jeff and Megan thanked them for their participation, and overall the day had been a success. Allie downed a small glass of bourbon and set the glass back on the table. "You know," she said, "I never really thanked you for being there this morning and making me breakfast. Or for making me do the show today. I suppose I should, right? That's, like, what friends do?" "You don't need to thank me," Zoe replied, popping another shrimp off the lip of the cocktail glass in her mouth, "I've got my own selfish motivations as you know. My career won't progress if you don't work, so. But yeah, you're welcome." Allie chuckled and took one of the shrimp for herself, dipping it in cocktail sauce before eating it. "She used to be my partner," Allie said, "She used to do magic with me, like you're doing now. But she found love, she wanted a family, she decided magic wasn't worth it. Decided I wasn't worth it, I guess. I can't really blame her, she seems much happier now, but..." "But?" "...but in some way, I kind of wish I could have what she has. She has a life, she has a family. What do I have? I have a penthouse suite in a casino. I have everything I wanted, except what I actually needed. That's the thing nobody tells you about success. It's hollow, it's empty-" "Plenty of people have said that, you're not being original by parroting it," Zoe said, interrupting. "-but," Allie continued, "you accept it, because at a certain point, you feel so selfish for being so famous, for taking the money of actually hard working people, that you figure you don't deserve anything better. So you stay in your penthouse suite and you order room service and you do your magic show and you get your arm nearly torn off by a tiger. At least that's what happened to me. Sure, now I have unlimited access to painkillers, but that only makes people judge me for that too. It's a never ending cycle. There's no facet of my personality not open to public degradation, even from those who don't know a single thing about me. So you wanna be a magician, or a musician, or a movie star or whatever? You want to achieve your dreams?" Zoe nodded, as Allie slid back from the bar and stood up, pulling her coat on. "...then you have to give up who you actually are. The dream is a nightmare. I'll see you for breakfast. We have practice tomorrow." Allie turned and headed towards the elevator, back up to the suite. As she stood there, waiting for it to arrive, she heard shoes walking beside her and stopping. She glanced to her side, to see Zoe standing there. "...I don't think it's a nightmare," Zoe said, "in a nightmare, you're usually alone. You're not alone." Allie smiled, and the door to the elevator opened. Both women stepped inside, and Allie pressed the button for the suite. "What do you think about French Toast?" Zoe asked. And the doors shut.
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Allie could hear the screams echoing around her, she could hear the sounds of someone firing a gun and the sound of a tiger growl, but she couldn't focus clearly enough on one singular thing long enough for it to make a lick of sense to her brain. All she did know for certain was that she was on her back on the floor, staring up at the stage lights overhead.
"Jesus fucking christ," she heard someone scream nearby, as a stage hand raced to the stage from the audience seating area and leapt up, crawling towards Allie. She could feel them touching her, but she didn't know where, and she could hear their walkie talkie going off, but she couldn't make out the words through the static. As her head rolled to her side, she looked at her left hand and noticed her wrist was bent backwards, and crimson red, muscle sticking out. It looked nearly detached from her arm, and yet she couldn't feel anything. She'd later learn this is a common occurrence when dealing with serious trauma and pain. "Fuck," Allie mumbled, "that sucks." And then she blacked out. *** "Did it hurt?" Zoe asked, as she and Allie sat in the casino at the slot machines, Allie pumping quarters from a plastic cup into the machine as Zoe drank some pink fruit drink with very little alcohol in it. "What? Almost losing my hand?" Allie asked, and Zoe nodded, making Allie sigh; she shrugged and said, "I don't think so. I was so out of it when I woke up that I...I couldn't really feel anything, and then the painkillers they prescribed me were so heavy duty that I couldn't feel it after that either. Took a long time before I could really use my left hand again though, and even now it doesn't fully work properly." "You're so lucky it didn't attack your face," Zoe said softly, and Allie laughed. "Lucky? Is that what you'd call it? I'd rather they destroyed my face," Allie said. "What happened to the tiger?" Zoe asked, and Allie shut her eyes, breathing deeply. "So," Allie asked after a moment, "Got any ideas for your stage name?" *** Zoe opened the door to the house and hung her car keys on the little hook by the door before getting further in. She pulled her jacket off and headed into the kitchen, finding her sister there, making a pot of coffee. As Zoe opened the fridge, she raised a brow at this. "Coffee?" she asked, checking her watch, "It's really late." "I have to work on something all night," her sister, Thea, said. "Oh okay," Zoe replied, pulling out the carrot juice carton from the fridge and then, grabbing a glass from the cabinet, poured herself a glass. As she leaned against the counter and watched Thea pour herself coffee, Zoe couldn't help but think about what Allie had asked her at the casino, about her stage name. She cleared her throat and, tying her hair up, asked her sister, "Do you think you could help me come up with a stage name?" "Why?" "You do graphic design and advertising, I just figured you might be able to help better than anyone. It's so hard because nothing starts with a Z," Zoe said, "But I need one if I want to keep my job." "Could always make up a word," Thea said, sipping her coffee, "Something like The Zantabulous Zoe." "I'm not 10, although..." The girls laughed as Zoe sat at the table, Thea seating herself across from her, still sipping on her coffee. "I'm working with Allie Meers," Zoe said quietly, "You know her? Remember? The woman who got attacked by her tiger, almost lost her hand?" "No shit, really?" "Yeah, and she's really cagey. I mean, she's been fairly nice to me, but she...I don't know how to explain it," Zoe said, "she's clearly still very troubled by it. I mean, understandably, as it was probably traumatic as all heck, but I just...I asked her about it tonight, and she wouldn't even really discuss it much." "Well, don't put her off too much," Thea said, standing up and patting her sisters shoulder, "you need this job." As Thea left and headed upstairs to her home office, Zoe sat in the kitchen and thought back to that moment, the moment she saw Allie's hand nearly ripped from her arm. Being in the audience that night, standing and staring at the sight as Allie struggled to free her wrist from the tigers mouth only to hear the ripping of flesh and cracking of bone, and hearing Allie scream. Fuck, that scream. She never forgot that scream, ever. She could recall crowd shuffling around her, fleeing for their lives - even though nobody else was in any danger as the tiger had been chained to its post on the stage - and her eyes absolutely transfixed on her hero, bleeding in front of them all. A regular child might think, "This is terrifying", and be scared away from that profession forever. But Zoe was not a regular child. If anything, all she thought was... "This is what I wanna do for a living." *** The phone rang, and Nick's hand fumbled around in the dark, grasping for it. He saw the time on its face, 3:15 in the morning, and he groaned. He answered and lifted the phone to his ear, mumbling into the receiver. "M'ello?" he asked. "Can you drive me somewhere?" Allie asked, and Nick exhaled, rubbing his face with his free palm, sitting up in his bed new. "Are you too drunk to drive?" "Somewhat, but I also can't go alone," she said, and he knew immediately what this was about. "Yeah, I'll come get you." Nick got dressed quickly, got into his car and headed over to Card Shark. He found Allie sitting outside, a bottle of beer in her hand in a paper sack, wearing torn jeans and a white t-shirt with a black jacket. She climbed into his car, buckled her seatbelt and he continued driving. Neither one said a word at first, and Allie began turning his radio dials, until she stopped on a late night rock station. She finished her beer, tossed it into his backseat and rested her head on her fist, looking out the passenger window. "How's your wrist?" Nick asked. "Always the nurse," she whispered, making him smile. "Force of habit." "It's fine. I'm still taking painkillers, obviously," Allie said, "thanks for taking me. I don't like doing this by myself. Try as I might, I'm still pretty fucking terrified of it." "I get it Al, you don't have to explain it to me," Nick said. After a good half hour drive, Nick parked and climbed out of the car, Allie doing the same. They'd driven to a small private animal rescue, generally where stage animals go once they retire; animals from circus acts, animals from vegas shows, they all eventually wound up here. As they climbed out of the car, they saw the guard station light come on, and the door open, as a tall, lanky woman with thin glasses and oak brown hair stepped out in her uniform. "Oh, it's you guys," she said. "Hey Jenny," Nick said, "Can we get in?" "Sure," she said, "Let me just shut the cameras off for a minute." After Jenny killed the cameras, she opened the gate and the three of them walked inside. Allie walked well among them, clearly lost in her own thoughts, leaving Nick and Jenny to walk behind her. Jenny twirled her keyring on her finger as they walked, glancing at Nick every now and then. She spoke, keeping her voice low, so as not to draw Allie's attention. "You guys haven't been here in a while," she whispered. "Well, we wouldn't be now except that she needed me to drive. We broke up," Nick said. "Really?" "Yeah," Nick replied, "I mean, I ended things, she wasn't...anyway. Thanks for letting us in." "Of course," Jenny said, "It's a tradition at this point." After a few minutes of walking, the three of them stopped at a large enclosure, spotting a few tigers within it, lounging and sleeping. Allie stopped and, leaning against the rail, stared into the enclosure in the darkness of the night, looking for her tiger. As soon as her eyes caught him, she wouldn't let her eyes wander again. But the tiger was indifferent, it merely yawned, stretched and laid on its side. Nick and Jenny just stood back, watching from afar, as Allie did her usual ritual. To think this one moment from this one animal, a few seconds was all it took, would alter her life forever. If it hadn't been for this tiger, she wouldn't had gotten addicted to painkillers, and she wouldn't be the mess she was today. All because of this fucking tiger. Standing there, tears rolling down her face, she couldn't imagine what her life might be like had he not attacked...would she have met someone else besides Nick? Would she have started drinking more anyway? Who knows. She used to be so clean, so sober, and now...now she couldn't stand to look at herself in the mirror. Allie wiped her face on her coat sleeve and felt a hand on her shoulder, glancing to her side to see Jenny standing there, touching her. "You okay?" she asked, and Allie shrugged. "How can I ever be okay?" she whispered, "...I'll never be who I was, and I hate who I've become." "I'm sorry, Allie," Jenny said, and Allie nodded, then turned to face Nick. "Take me home," she said. Nick drove her back to the city, and as they pulled back up at the casino, and thus her penthouse, he waited for her to get out of the car, but she was hesitating. She was picking at her tears in her jeans, chewing on her lip, like she wanted to say something. "You okay?" he asked. "Thanks for taking me..." she muttered, and Nick nodded as she added, "uh...do you want to come up? You know...come upstairs? It's late, you could get something on my room service since it's all comped anyway. Could just hang, watch TV or something. Or, you know." "Heh," Nick chuckled, "Much as I appreciate the offer for sex so late at night, I don't think it's a great idea." "Come on man," Allie said, "Just cause you don't want to be with me romantically doesn't mean we can't have fun, right?" "Allie-" "Nick, just...it's not me, right? It's not....it's not because I'm ugly is it?" "Jesus, you're not ugly, Allie, fuck. You're beautiful, and you-" Allie wiped her makeup off her face, revealing the long scar on one side of her face, trying extremely hard to keep herself from sobbing. She wasn't really drunk, and she wasn't on pills at the moment. Nick could tell this was coming from somewhere deep inside, something that she was really struggling with. "Now tell me you believe that," she said. "Why do you want people to hate you so much?" Nick asked, his voice lowering. "...i don't know, and i don't care what other people think about me...i just want you to love me," she said. Nick shook his head and looked away. Allie opened her car door and stepped out, shutting it behind her, not saying a word as she headed inside. As Allie got off the elevator moments later and headed to her door, she spotted someone sitting by it, asleep. Allie approached and nudged them with her shoe, waking them up, only to realize it was Zoe. "What are you doing here? It's so late," Allie said, as she helped Zoe up and they entered Allie's penthouse. "I think I came up with a name," Zoe said, yawning, "I couldn't wait until tomorrow to show you, since we have rehearsals tomorrow. I was thinking perhaps I could go with something like The Zealous Zoe!" "Zealous?" "It's the only word I could come up with," Zoe said, "If you have any suggestions, please, let me hear them." Zoe stood there and watched as Allie took her jacket off and walked to the minibar, pulling out a box of chocolates and then, as she was heading back across the room, stopped to stare at her face in the vanity mirror over the dresser. Allie reached up and touched the scar on her face, then looked back at Zoe before holding the candy box out, offering her one, which she happily took, popping it into her mouth. "That tiger you asked about," Allie said, "he did this to me. Before I came to Vegas, all I wanted to do was perform magic, but eventually you needed to up your game each time, and before I knew it, I was using a tiger. I didn't have to do any of those things. I just wanted to be the best. I wanted to be on top. Animal magic was where it was, and I bought into the pressure. You wanna be like me? Don't. And don't buy into pressure. Don't have a stage name. Just be Zoe, because unlike me, you're cool enough." Zoe stood there, eating another chocolate, her face frozen in surprise. "You barely know me and you're saying this?" she asked. "Yeah, I am, because I don't want to see another magician turn into what I've turned into," Allie said, "Now if you'll open this bottle of wine, I'll show you my scrapbook of the news clippings and gruesome surgery photos I had taken. You know you wanna see it." It was true, she did want to see it. Zoe nodded, taking the wine and opening it as Allie went and pulled the scrapbook from the bookshelf. Sitting on the couch, plopping the book open with Zoe at her side, still munching on chocolates as Allie started to pour them some wine, she smiled. "Here's my hand nearly off at the wrist, you can see bone," Allie said. "Cool," Zoe replied, as Allie took a chocolate from the box. Allie's eyes were taking some time to adjust to the room, everything blurred and out of focus. She groaned as she tried to sit up, and quickly realized she was wet all over. Allie looked down and saw she was lying in a bath tub, still fully dressed. Allie groaned and finally managed to pull herself up a bit, before falling face first onto the bathroom floor. The door to the bathroom opened, and she saw a pair of sneakers approach her; as her eyes scanned upwards, she saw Nick's face, and she felt a sense of relief flood her body as he knelt over her.
"Allie?" he asked. "Why was I in the bath?" she asked, and Nick sighed, running his fingers through his curly brown hair. "I have no idea," Nick said, "but I can't do this anymore." "What?" Allie asked, sounding genuinely surprised, his admission fully bringing her back to consciousness; she struggled to stand up in the bathroom as Nick exited, and she slid on the rug, falling back down and shouting obscenities, before finally managing to follow him out to the hotel room they were in. Allie looked around for a moment, shivering, before furrowing her brow and asking, "why the fuck am I in a hotel room?" "All I know is you called me, and you were completely fucked up, so I came over," Nick said, "By the time I got here, you had climbed into the bathtub, could barely speak, and passed out. I just sat here and checked on you intermittently to make sure you didn't drown." "How sweet," Allie said, making him scoff. "Nothing about this is 'sweet', Allie, this is sick, and I can't take it anymore. You're fucking aging me by the day," Nick said, his voice rising, "You are in need of help that I cannot give you!" Allie leaned against the wall and rubbed her face on her soaking wet sleeve, her lips quivering, as she quietly whispered, "I'm cold." Nick sighed and walked over to her, pulling her arms down to her side and unbuttoning her shirt, pulling it off of her and then getting a towel and hairdryer from the bathroom. He wrapped the towel around her, then told her to remove her pants as he plugged the hairdryer into the wall near the television and turned it on. Allie shut her eyes, trying not to cry, as she kicked her pants off and stood straight up so Nick could dry her off with the dryer. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I know," Nick said, "and I know you really mean it, but...this isn't fair to me. Every single day I have to wake up and worry whether or not you're going to still be alive. I shouldn't have to do that." "No, you shouldn't." "I need a break," Nick said, "You've shown you don't want to work with me, you've shown you don't want help from a professional. I need to take a break, Allie." "I understand," Allie said, her teeth somewhat chattering. Nick stopped blowing and set the dryer on the dresser, then put his hands on her shoulders. He put his forehead against hers, and she smiled. As Allie walked to the bed and sat down, clutching the towel tightly around her, she watched Nick gather his few things he'd brought with him - a book, a bag of chips, a few cans of soda, his jacket and his keys - and then looked up at him as he stood at the end of the bed, looking down at her. Nick smiled and touched her cheek again. "I'm sorry, Allie," he said, "You're really fucking cool, but I just...I'm not capable of dealing with this kind of shit. If you ever want to get real help, let me know. I'll do what I can then. But until that point, I think it's best we don't talk." "...i love you," Allie mumbled, and Nick sighed, kissing the top of her head. "I know you do, and I love you too, that's why I can't keep sitting here and watching you do this to yourself," he said, before turning and leaving the hotel room. Allie wanted to go to the window and watch him drive away, but she figured it was better that she didn't. Seeing him leave would mean he was really gone. That was simply too much closure, and she couldn't handle that right now. Instead, she stood back up, picked up the hairdryer again and continued warming herself until she was fully dry. Once Allie was dry, she redressed and left the hotel room, heading to her car. Allie got into her car and slid the key into the ignition, before adjusting the rearview mirror and noticing something in the backseat; a cardboard cutout of herself, back when she was new in Vegas. Allie turned and looked at the cutout in the backseat and groaned. "The fuck?" she muttered, "jesus that's unsettling." Allie backed out and started driving, heading towards Card Shark. Maybe they'd let her have a few drinks on the house before her show tonight. She'd just been dumped, maybe she could gain a few sympathy drinks out of the deal. But Allie had no idea just how much worse her day was about to get. *** "What?" Allie asked, her eyes wide. She was seated on the opposite side of Card Shark's owner - Tony Campini's - desk. He shrugged and light a cigar for himself and for Allie, which she happily took, before he leaned back in his chair and put his legs up on his desk. "What do you want me to do? Continue indulging in this self destructiveness? I'd be held liable if anything happened to any of the guests, or to you, if I continue to do so," Tony said, "and the fact of the matter is you've become a risky asset. I'm just telling you what my investors are suggesting I do, but thankfully for you, I like you, and I haven't decided what to do just yet. I want to give you a chance to fix your act." "My magic act or, like, my life?" "You know damn well which one," Tony said, chuckling, "So let me make it extremely clear for you, okay? You're basically on probation. I'm going to let you continue performing, but unless you get sober, or at least relatively sober, that offer won't stand for long. In the meantime, no more free alcohol in the casino, and I'm giving you a partner." "A partner?" "Yes," Tony said, shouting at the door, "Come in, please!" The door opened and a young woman, looking in her early twenties, entered. She was wearing button down slacks and a short sleeved button down shirt, with the collar done up. She had a messy mop of short red hair, and she stopped after reaching the desk. Allie looked from the girl to Tony, then back at the girl, jerking her thumb at her. "Her? Really?" she asked. "She requested to work with you, personally," Tony said. "Miss Meers, I'm Zoe, I'm an enormous fan," the girl said, holding out her hand to shake it, but Allie denied the request and looked back at Tony. "This is...ridiculous." "No, Allie, what's ridiculous is your goddamned behavior, okay?" Tony said, starting to sound genuinely irritated with her, "Now you two find a way to make this work, or she'll be your official replacement, alright? I'm not letting you mire my casino in your bullshit anymore!" "Oh, 'mire', wow, what a big word for such a big man," Allie said, annoyed, as she stood up and stormed out, Zoe at her heels. Standing in the hall outside Tony's office door, Allie continued smoking the cigar before looking at Zoe standing beside her. Allie headed to the elevator, Zoe keeping up with her, as she continued to puff cigar smoke in front of them as they walked. Once they reached the elevator, Allie looked at Zoe and sighed. "I'm sorry," Allie said, "I didn't mean anything about you, I hope you know that." "I know," Zoe said, "I understand. Everyone has a bad day." "My whole goddamn life's a bad day," Allie replied, "and this is just the icing on top. I'm a solo magician, and I worked hard to get to this point. I don't need any help, act wise. So here's how this is gonna work, alright? I'm gonna incorporate you into my act, but only so you can gain exposure. In the meantime, you won't tell Tony anything about my activities, deal?" Zoe stood there, slack jawed, contemplating this arrangement. She finally nodded, without uttering a word. Allie smirked and patted her shoulder as the elevator doors opened. "Welcome aboard," Allie said as they entered and she pressed the penthouse button, "So, what's your stage name?" "Well I know alliteration is an important thing, but it's kind of hard to find something that works with the letter 'Z', so I'm sort of stumped..." "We'll come up with something, don't worry," Allie said as the doors shut. *** Allie Meers was 11 years old when she was first given a magic kit. It was given to her by her mothers brother, Kenny, and she was thrilled to have received it for the holidays. She started practicing every single day, starting with simple card tricks and interlocking metal rings, eventually moving onto a few more advanced tricks within the year with relative ease. Turns out, Allie had a real knack for magic, and she quickly immersed herself in the world of stage magic, pulling library books and mail order videos into her world to teach her more. By the time she was 19, she had made up her mind to go to Vegas, and become a honest to god successful stage magician. When she first moved to Vegas, however, she began to find it incredibly difficult to find work in any outlet. She started by doing private parties, but this didn't pay well enough, especially for a supposed 'starter' in the field. Thankfully, by the end of her first year in town - on the verge of financial ruin and burnout - she was finally seen by Tony Campini. He told her he admired her moxie, her spunk, and, most importantly, her effort. He said he saw real potential in her, and a few weeks later, he offered her a small ongoing gig at his casino, The Card Shark. Sitting together in the green room after her last show of that year, the show which arguably gained her the success she'd continue to see for years to come, Allie told Tony, "What do you do when you finally achieve your dreams?" To which Tony replied, pouring her a glass of wine, "You hope you never wake up." As she sat on the couch in the penthouse that night, sipping an imported beer while Zoe stumbled around, taking in all the wonders of her career, Allie couldn't help but think that she didn't take into consideration that once you made it...you had to fight to keep it. Zoe's fingertips trembled as she reached to the photo on the wall and touched the frame, her breath caught in her chest. "Yeah?" Allie asked. "I was here, when you did this, with the tigers," Zoe said, "I saw this happen." Allie put her cigar out and sat upright on the couch now, watching Zoe as she turned away from the photo to face Allie, her eyes wide. "What was it like?" Zoe asked. "You mean to be that close to a tiger, or to feel that level of pain when it tried to rip my arm off?" Allie asked, and Zoe nodded; Allie smirked and leaned back on the couch, brushing her bangs from her face as she continued, "It was...life changing, in the worst kinds of ways. You don't ever really think about mortality being, like, a thing you have to face until it's staring you down. You were there, you saw what happened." "Did it hurt?" "It hurt like hell, yeah," Allie said, "I mean, I almost lost my hand, and I wasn't able to perform for months. You were there? That was almost a decade ago, you would've had to have been-" "Yeah, I was a kid." "Christ, what an awful thing to have to see." "You were my hero," Zoe said, surprising Allie with her bluntness as she shakily approached the couch and sat on the ottoman across from her, "I...I begged my parents to take me to see you, because I worshipped you. So my parents finally agreed to take me, and that just happened to be the show we saw. I was so scared you were hurt, my folks couldn't console me all night long. Even after all that, I STILL wanted to do what you do." Allie smiled, and nodded, "Well thank you, I'm glad to have had that kind of influence on someone." Allie pulled a small backpack to her side up from the floor and unzipped it, reaching inside and digging around until she finally found what she was looking for...an orange pill bottle. She uncorked the top and took two of them, then exhaled deeply and relaxed again into the couch cushions. Zoe didn't ask anything about them, figured they weren't her business, and instead simply crossed her legs and shook her head. "If you'd told me back then that I'd be working with you now," Zoe started, "I never would've believed it." "Here's to pulling one over the man," Allie said, clinking her glass against her nails and then taking another sip. *** "It's going to be a long road to recovery," the doctor said, "but you're young, you can absolutely do this. I'm going to give you prescription to Vicodin, but I think I should warn you that it can be highly addictive, and that many-" "I appreciate that," Allie said, sitting up best she could in the hospital bed, "but I don't have an addictive personality." "Even still, I think it's important that you make sure you don't overdo this," the doctor continued, "Far too many people overdose on painkillers every single day, and become highly reliant on them to the point where they can't function without them, and those are the ones that don't die. I'm just doing my medical duty." "Okay, thank you," Allie said. "A nurse will be in here shortly to clean your wounds," the doctor said, leaving the room. Allie laid back down and exhaled, shutting her eyes. When she opened them again, she saw a handsome man in a nurses uniform sitting beside her, gently washing her arm. He had short curly brown hair and green eyes. He dunked the small hand towel into a bucket of lukewarm water and massaged the wound where the tiger had nearly beaten clean through, smiling at her while he did it. "Does this hurt?" he asked. "Not really." "How'd you get something like this?" he asked. "I worked with a tiger. Won't be making that mistake again," she replied, "This is very sweet of you." "Just doing my job. Turns out that today I happen to really enjoy it," he said, winking at her, making her laugh, as he asked, "I'm Nick, what's your name?" "Allie Meers." "It's nice to meet you Allie." "It's nice to meet you too." From that day on, Nick and Allie would be in one anothers lives, eventually becoming a couple, and while Allie struggled with her painkiller addiction, Nick was there. When she tried to quit painkillers and go to alcohol as a substitute vice, he was there. When she dropped out of rehab and started taking the pills again, this time without a prescription and instead getting them off the street - a rather easy feat in a place like Vegas - he was there. Allie was a mess, and Nick was the one who always cleaned her up. Until he decided he couldn't do it anymore. In Nick's defense...he didn't know he'd always be her nurse, even once she got out of the hospital. *** When Allie woke up that night, Zoe was gone. She struggled to roll over and get off the couch, and even once she was up she didn't know why she'd bothered. So Allie walked to the minibar in the penthouse loft and got on her knees, tugging on the door until it opened. She gazed inside, and finally pulled a bottle of gin out. She sighed and sat on the floor, until she realized one of the magnets she had on the fridge had slid to the ground. She picked it up and looked at it; a photo of her and Nick in DisneyLand a few years back, back when she'd first started rehab to get off the painkillers. After being sober for a few months, he decided to take her on a trip, surprising her. Allie pulled her knees up to her chest and buried her face in them, starting to cry. She cried for a solid twenty minutes before standing up, taking the bottle of rum and headed into the bathroom. The lavish bathroom of this Vegas penthouse in the Card Shark Casino was gorgeous, and it had a beautiful square black bathtub with gold trim. Allie undressed to her underwear, then turned the water on and waited for it to fill up with warm water, before climbing in and popping the top of the bottle off and beginning to drink. She liked falling asleep in the bathtub. It meant she might drown, and the tiger hadn't taken her out... ...so she figured it was up to her to complete the task. But she never really drowned. Despite the wins she had in the casino, she was never really that lucky. |
ABOUT
Allie Meers is what she dreamed of being since she was a little girl...a successful Vegas magician. The only problem now is she can't make all her problems disappear; Allie grapples with her strained relationship, crippling addictions and FBI agents on her tail, all while trying to stay at the top of her career. Archives
December 2023
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