None of the girls liked physical education, but every year, when the training for the Presidential Fitness Test came around, they liked it even less. Chaz especially, being heavier than the others, really disliked PE, despite generally enjoying doing more physical activities than the others, but she hated being graded for her shortcomings. Sitting on the bleachers in the auditorium, Chaz and Mae were simply watching the others do their training. Chaz had long been excused for PE via doctors note, while Mae had asthma, and so she was fairly excused from it as well.
"What even is the point of this class?" Chaz asked, "I mean, all the other things we learn in school are used in life, like english or math, but what is the point of making us exercise? Is it just to make sure we get exercise? That's dumb, cause we already have recess." "I don't know," Mae said, "All I know is I'm glad I don't have to do it." Trisha came jogging up to the bleachers, kneeling and exhaling, trying to catch her breath. She looked at the girls and tossed her braids back behind her. "How bad is it?" Chaz asked. "It's stupid," Trisha said, "This whole thing is stupid. I already get plenty of exercise, cause my dad takes me on walks regularly!" "He takes you on walks? Like a dog?" Mae asked, making them laugh. "I hate the presidential fitness test," Chaz said softly. "Yeah, well, you're lucky you're able to sit out the training at least," Trisha said. "I would agree except it makes others make fun of me," Chaz said, "They think I'm special cause I don't have to do it, and they make fun of Mae cause she can't breath well. Not being involved isn't as good as it sounds, actually." Suddenly the girls heard a commotion across the auditorium and they all looked at toward the sound, noticing one girl had been shoved to the ground by another. The girl on the ground was screaming, crying, while the other just stood there, looking annoyed. "That's Eliza," said Trisha. "Who?" Chaz and Mae asked in unison. "Eliza Heckle, she sits in the back of the class, she's kind of...uh...not smart?" "Retarded?" Chaz asked. "That's a mean word, that's why I didn't say it," Trisha said, "I prefer the term special." "Why do you prefer it, you're not special," Mae asked, making Trisha smirk. "Why are we doing this inside anyway?" Chaz asked as Allie seated herself on the bleachers behind them and sighed. "Because it's raining outside," she said. "Barely!" Mae replied, "It's barely raining!" They heard more screaming and they all looked towards Eliza, who was now waving her arms at the teachers trying to help her up. They saw their PE teacher, Mrs. Devorka, stand up and look around the auditorium, hands on her hips, until her eyes landed on Mae and Chaz. "Uh oh," Mae said, "We've been spotted." "Girls, come here please," Mrs. Devorka called, and Mae and Chaz groaned, standing up and walking over there, leaving Allie and Trisha alone. Trisha seated herself and waited, still trying to catch her breath. After a minute she looked up at Allie, who smiled at her. "Why were you late?" Trisha asked. "My dad's car had trouble," she said, "I didn't know we were having the training this early in the day." As Mae and Chaz walked up to Mrs. Devorka, her male assistant had finally managed to help Eliza up, who was looking at her shoes and sniffling. "Girls, can you walk with Eliza to the nurses office?" Mrs. Devorka asked, I normally wouldn't ask you to do something like this, but consider it your PE credit. Just take her there and then come back, okay?" "Okay," Chaz said, the three of them heading towards the large double doors that led from the auditorium into the hallway, leaving Allie and Trisha alone in the auditorium. Eliza had short brown curly hair and big braces. To be honest, Mae couldn't remember the last time she'd even heard Eliza speak, and they'd certainly never hung out with her. Walking down the hall, Eliza still wouldn't talk, so Chaz pulled out some candy from her pocket and offered some to Mae and Eliza, which they both graciously accepted. "How do you have pockets in your gym shorts?" Mae asked. "I made pockets in 'em!" Chaz said, "Actually my sister did the sewing, but yeah." "That's so cool." "I like candy, thank you," Eliza said, finally speaking and thus surprising both Chaz and Mae. "You're welcome," Chaz replied, smiling. *** "I have to do a lot of stuff around the trailer, so I get plenty of exercise," Allie said, she and Trisha now standing near a rope to climb as Trisha prepared to climb up; Allie followed up with, "but you say you go for walks?" "Yeah, daily, I pull my little sister in a wagon," she said, "Sometimes dad takes us to a park and we play on the playground there. We get a lot of exercise, that's why this isn't that bad for me. What kinda stuff do you have to do around the trailer?" "Mostly cleaning, but hey, it keeps me active," Allie said, shrugging as Trisha grabbed the rope and started climbing. Allie stayed at the bottom, counting on the stopwatch how long it'd take, and occasionally glancing up, spotting her to make sure she wasn't falling. After a few minutes, Trisha came back down, holding the flag she'd gotten at the top in her teeth. She then handed it to Allie, who then prepared to climb. "My dad tells me that exercise is important, but I also just like being outside and doing things," Trisha said, "One of my favorite things about my church is how often we do outdoor activities. I just like being outside. I don't mind exercise either, but I genuinely like being outside." "Being outside's alright," Allie said, grabbing the rope and putting the flag in her teeth as she started to climb, adding, "but we're not outside right now, so I think it's fair to be mad about it." Trisha found it hard to argue with that. Sure, it was raining, but there was just something wrong about doing PE indoors. *** "Why did that girl push you?" Chaz asked, chewing on the candy she'd eaten. "I don't know, she doesn't like being paired with me," Eliza said, "She just hates me. Everyone hates me." "That's not true, we don't hate you," Mae said, "and I'm sure your mom doesn't hate you." Eliza didn't respond, she just kept chewing her candy as the girls continued down the hall to the nurses office. After a minute or so of silence, Eliza sighed. "I just wish I could do what the other kids do," Eliza said, "It isn't fair. I can't do things they can do. I'm not able to do things like PE and even maths and even fail each spelling test." "You're able to talk fine," Mae said, "and math is stupid anyway." "Yeah, you don't seem like you have trouble," Chaz said. "That's because I have a good speech therapist," Eliza said, "but when it comes to thinking, I'm not able to think very well. So when I'm faced with a test or something, or even physical stuff, I do really badly. Everyone always makes fun of me for it." "Well, we won't," Chaz said. Eliza didn't respond to this, but she let this acceptance warm her insides. As they reached the nurses office, they entered, told the nurse why they were there, and left Eliza with another piece of candy, telling her she could talk to them anytime. Chaz and Mae exited the nurses office and each exhaled deeply before looking at one another. "...wow..." Chaz said, "and to think we don't fit in." "She has it so much worse," Mae said. They started to head back to the auditorium, but Mae couldn't help but think about Eliza. She herself had had trouble in school, especially early on when learning how to read. She'd never told any of the other girls this, but she'd needed a private tutor to help her learn how to read. Now, of course, she was the best reader amongst them, but it was still a secret shame to her. She could relate to Eliza in a way, because she felt like they were perhaps opposite sides of the same coin, and if things were just slightly different, she'd be the one everyone made fun of instead of ignoring outright. That, coupled with her complete and utter inability to be remotely successful in math made her feel very close to Eliza. "...I'm glad we don't have to do PE," Mae said quietly. "Yeah, it'd be really awful to suck at something else," Chaz said, making Mae laugh. At least she had her friends, she thought. *** "Cheerleading?!" Allie said, almost sounding indignant. "Yeah, what about it?" Trisha asked, "It's good exercise! I always thought that, when we got to high school, I might join the cheerleading squad because it makes others happy and it keeps you in good shape. What's so wrong with cheerleading?" "Only everything," Allie said coldly, making Trisha laugh. Just then she noticed Mae and Chaz had sidled up beside her, and they all nodded at one another, while they sat back down on the bleachers. While Allie, Trisha and Chaz continued to talk about Trisha's surprising interest in cheerleading, Mae couldn't help but think back to Eliza. She knew she wasn't "special" in the same sense, but she couldn't help but feel like she could relate on some level. When her mother picked her up after school that day, Mae was sitting in the passenger seat of the car and thought long and hard as they headed home, before finally looking at her mother and asking "Am I mentally challenged?" This surprised Juliet, who laughed almost nervously before pulling the car over to the side of the road and parked. She sighed and looked at Mae, then pushed her hair back and slumped forward. "Um, no, not challenged, not in the traditional sense anyway. What...what brought this up?" Juliet asked. "Today at school this mentally challenged girl had to go to the nurse, and she just seemed...so much like...me," Mae said, "I had trouble learning how to read and I can't do math and-" "Lots of kids have those problems, Mae," Juliet said, "but we...when you were born we were afraid because your umbilical cord was wrapped around your neck and you weren't breathing, and at first we thought maybe you'd choked to death but once you were fine we forgot about it until you started having problems. It's entirely possible that that lack of oxygen to your brain, even if only briefly, was damaging. We had some tests run, and the only thing we learned was that you were on the autistic spectrum." "...what's that?" Mae asked. "It's like, it's why you can't have tags in your shirt or can't have your food touch on your plate or why you do the same things over and over again. Repetition is calming to you. You like organization. So no, you're not challenged, not in the same way other kids might be, but you're not like everyone else either, but you know what? That's fine. That's what makes you you, and your father and I wouldn't want it any other way. We love you because you're how you are." Mae blushed and looked at her hands, trying not to cry. "Thanks mom," she whispered. "Of course," she said, leaning over and kissing her on the head. Mae was special, just not in the way she thought. Not in the way people used the word negatively, and that made her feel good. *** The next day, during PE for more Presidential Fitness Test training, Mae took Trisha's attitude and decided to, even in spite of her asthma, try to do some of the training. She wasn't going to let herself become a target by sitting around and doing nothing, and, unlike Eliza, at least she wasn't paired with people who didn't like her. She had friends, best friends, and she was grateful for that. So Mae climbed the ropes, Mae did the stretches, Mae did the jogging, and then, at the end of the class, Mae found Eliza and told her that, if she ever wanted to, she could hang out with her and her friends. Because Mae knew what it was like, to feel that alone, to feel that different. She didn't want anyone else to feel that way. Eliza did, in fact, eat lunch with them that day and played with them at recess, and she had to best time of her life, and when she got picked up after school that day - despite hating PE - and her mom asked how her day was, Eliza just smiled and said it was good. "I made friends!" she said brightly.
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FANNYPACK follows 4 girls - Chaz, Allie, Trisha and Mae - in the 90s as they deal with adolescence and friendship. Archives
December 2022
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