Where had the year gone?
It was already the end of the year, and in these last few weeks of school, lots of fun activities had been planned, but the one the girls were most curious about was their first school dance. The school didn't have dances for students under grade 4, so this was the first time the girls were going to attend a school dance, and they each approached it with varying levels of cautious curiosity. As Trisha and Mae were being sitting in the car, waiting for Juliet to finish talking to Alice on the front porch. "Don't worry, okay? They'll be fine. It's an elementary school for heavens sakes," Juliet said, "I know it's typical to worry, especially for you, but just try and go inside and relax for a change." "...I never thought these days would come," Alice said, her eyes wandering from the conversation up to the car where she could see the outlines of Trisha and Mae talking in the backseat; she continued, "I just always sort of assumed she'd be little forever and never have to attend things like this. Now she's at the end of fourth grade. Where does the time go?" "I don't know, Vermont maybe?" Alice smirked, appreciating Juliet's attempt at humor. "Well, thank you for driving them," she said, "I owe you a favor." Juliet departed, getting back into the drivers seat of the car before starting the car back up and pulling out of the driveway, heading down the street towards the school. It was only a few blocks away, but she relished the thought of seeing her daughter walk into her first school dance, so she'd opted to drive them. The only thing was...Mae hadn't seemed all that eager to attend. In fact, she'd outright protested once she was told she had to go, and Juliet rarely made her do things she didn't want to do like this, but this was a rare exception where she knew the experience was too important to miss out on and that so long as she'd had her friends around her, she'd be alright. "We've seen one another in too many dresses," Trisha said, "Dresses to your aunts wedding, church dresses, we've seen one another in way too much formal wear." "I try not to wear dresses a lot," Mae said, shrugging, "but you seem to wear a lot of them." "They make up the majority of my wardrobe, yeah," Trisha said, "not by choice, but I guess I don't really mind either." When they got to the school, Juliet told the girls that she'd come get them when the dance was over, and gave Mae some change for the payphone just in case she forgot what time it was over. As she watched Mae and Trisha walk inside the decorated cafeteria, she couldn't help but notice Mae look over her shoulder at her mother, almost glaring at her, and suddenly Juliet got the feeling she'd be paying for this for a long time to come. *** "This is just fruit punch," Chaz said, sipping from the paper cup she'd been given by the punch bowl, Allie standing with her, who also took a sip and, after a moment of contemplating, nodded in agreement. "You're right, it is. It's just normal fruit punch. My dad buys this for 2 dollars a bottle," Allie said. "2 dollars sounds about right for the school budget," Chaz said, the both of them laughing; Chaz took another sip and then, eyeing Allie up and down, said, "ya know, I don't think I've ever seen you in a dress before." "I'm only wearing it cause it's mandatory," Allie remarked, "I hate dresses." "Hiya," Trisha said as she and Mae approached; Trisha got herself a cup and got some punch, taking a sip before looking back at Allie and saying, "I'm surprised you came. I didn't think you did social stuff like this for school." "I'm only here cause she is," Allie said, pointing at Mae, adding, "normally I'd stay at her house until my dad gets off work, but he has a date tonight after work and so I had nowhere to go, so I had to come here because she was coming. So really, this is all her fault." "Most things seem to be," Mae said. "Are there snacks here?" Chaz asked, looking around, "I want snacks. I need snacks." "I think there's a table over there," Trisha said, pointing across the room, "come on, let's go see what they have!" Trisha and Chaz linked arms and then headed across the cafeteria, leaving Allie and Mae alone. "I'm sorry I had to come. I tried to get out of it," Mae said. "Oh I believe you," Allie said, "I know this isn't something you like either." To say she didn't like it was an understatement of the highest grade. Mae had never been big on crowds, but she especially hated social outings such as this. Things where you were not only expected to show up, but also expected to be in a good mood as well. How could she be in a good mood when she was being forced to interact with people she didn't like at a place she hated and didn't want to be at? After a moment, Allie got herself some more punch and took a long drink. "If I'm gonna be here, I'm gonna drink as much sugar as possible," she said, making Mae laugh. Mae thought about dancing, but she hated dancing and didn't know how. But...she could see through the crowd a girl in her class that she liked talking to, and she thought maybe she would dance with her if she would want to. As she was looking, the girl looked at her and waved, smiling politely, which made Mae blush and wave back before quickly looking away. Finally, Chaz and Trisha reappeared, holding a plate full of snacks. "They have so many things!" Chaz said, "Look! Rice crispy squares!" "The best kind of square!" Allie remarked, making them all laugh. *** The truth, the secret truth that nobody else knew, was that Mae had actually anticipated coming to this dance at one point. When she'd learned of it a few weeks prior, she decided that she would actually attend, and that she'd do so with someone...the girl she waved at in the cafeteria. Her name was Melinda. She was in Mae's class, and she and Mae had become kind of friends, but not the kind of friends that hung out outside of school, just the kind that talked to one another in class and when they saw one another around school. But Mae had started feeling weird about their friendship, she'd started...liking her, in a way that wasn't just as a friend, and she didn't understand it. She'd never felt this way about anyone else. So, when she finally did approach Melinda and asked if she'd go to the dance with her, Melinda said yes initially, only to - a day later - privately rescind her response and apologize for saying yes in the first place. Ever since then, Mae hated the idea of coming to the dance, and also hated herself. She hadn't been in a good mood for weeks now, and nobody really knew why. But she knew. She knew and she was secretly ashamed of herself. But now, seeing Melinda at the dance, she wondered if maybe, just maybe, she could still have a dance with her. No. Not here. Not in front of other people. God, what was wrong with her? *** "Do you know how to dance?" Allie asked Trisha as the girls sat on one of the benches in the cafeteria, still eating from the plate of snacks she and Chaz had brought back. "Yes, I do, in different ways," Trisha said, "I took dance lessons for a long time, and I still dance from time to time. I would never do it in person though. I'd be so embarrassed." "I tried to dance once and my mom thought I was having a seizure," Chaz said. "Well were you?" Allie asked, making them laugh again. "I have to attend a lot of social church functions, so I wind up having to dance a lot there, and I hate it," Trisha said, "I like dancing, I actually like it a lot, but I hate doing it in public or in front of others or with someone else. It's like singing. I prefer to do it by myself. There's just some things that aren't meant to be done among other people." "Yeah, like going to the bathroom," Chaz said. "I would love to live in your head for a day," Allie said, staring at Chaz. "It's fun!" she replied. Trisha started looking around, and suddenly realized Mae was no longer there, and started to worry. As Chaz and Allie talked about the way Chaz's brain worked, Trisha's eyes scanned the dance floor, and the entire cafeteria, but she couldn't find her. She tried to relax, tried to tell herself it was okay, but she had a sense of worry in her gut. Unbeknownst to them all, Mae had gone outside and had taken the change from her dress pocket to call her mom and beg to be picked up, but before she could even get to the payphone, she heard a voice coming up behind her and turned to see Melinda of all people. "I'm surprised you came," she said. "I had to," Mae said, "Mom wouldn't let me not come." "I wanna explain," Melinda said quietly, as Mae hung up the payphone and pocketed the change again, willing to hear her out; Melinda took a deep breath, then blinked a few times and spoke, "um...when you asked me if I'd go with you, you asked me in front of my friends, and I didn't wanna seem mean so I said yes, but I didn't mean it. It's nothing personal. I just...I don't feel those kinds of things. Plus my dad was really angry when he found out you'd asked me. But I never did it to be mean to you." "...I was really upset," Mae said. "I bet," Melinda said, "but you have to know I didn't mean to be mean. I really didn't. I like you, you're my friend, and we have a lot of fun in class. I just...don't feel like that. Actually, I've never known anyone who has, so this is all sort of weird for me." Mae wanted to run and hide. Was she really all that different? "Still, I felt like I had to explain and apologize again," Melinda said, "but I also want you to know I don't feel weird about you now or anything. You're still my friend, okay?" Mae felt a bit better. She even managed to crack a slight smile, and nod. She was happy Melinda was so nice about the whole thing. In fact, her kindness was one of the things Mae liked best about her. "Um," Melinda said, "but, you know, even if we didn't come together and I don't, you know...we could still dance together if you want. That'd be fun. I like dancing with my friends." "I don't really know how to dance," Mae replied. "It's okay, nobody does!" Melinda said, laughing and taking Mae's hand, "Come on!" Chaz got rice krispy treats, Trisha got to show off her dance moves, Allie got to be around her friends and Mae got to dance with someone she liked. All in all, it wasn't such a bad night after all. *** Years later, many many years later, Mae would invite Melinda to her wedding. She would happily attend. They would laugh and talk and even dance together, and even now - as a newly married woman - Mae couldn't help but feel like that fourth grade girl once again, feeling nervous dancing with her first serious crush. Mae would always harbor a secret crush for her, just because that's what you do with your first serious crush, but in the end she was grateful just for her friendship and for not being hurt for being who she was. But that night, that night at the dance, Mae actually had a good time. She never really wanted to attend a dance again, but she did appreciate going if only because she got to dance with Melinda. Lying in her bed that night, Allie asleep on the floor beside her - her father had stayed over with his date - and staring up at the ceiling above her at the glow in the dark stars, she couldn't help but feel grateful her mother had made her go after all. Sure she'd never attend another school dance, but at least she'd been forced to go to this one and had gotten to dance with Melinda. Mae looked over the bedside and nudged Allie in the arm. "yessum?" she asked, half asleep. "Would you like me even if I was weird?" Mae asked. "If?" Allie asked, making Mae chuckle. Even half asleep Allie was hilarious. "I just mean, would you still be my friend even if-" "Mae, we'll always be friends, okay?" Allie asked, "We're friends cause you're weird. Cause I'm weird. Nothing's gonna change that. Now goodnight. I was having a dream about riding robo dinosaurs." That was the only answer she really needed.
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FANNYPACK follows 4 girls - Chaz, Allie, Trisha and Mae - in the 90s as they deal with adolescence and friendship. Archives
December 2022
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