It'd been a while since John Reynolds had had dinner at a womans house, much less that womans mothers house. As he drove over to Gorey's that evening, all the memories of his uncomfortable adolescent dating experiences came flooding back to him. But this wasn't a date. He was doing this out of kindness, to show her mother that she was doing well, and she had friends. It was a personal favor to Janice, and he understood that. Still, that didn't undercut just how very anxious, not to mention sweaty, he was.
Reynolds pulled up on the street, parked and got out. He grabbed a small paper bag from the passenger seat, then headed up the walkway, seeing a duck mailbox. Of course, he thought to himself, of course they'd have a duck mailbox. He stopped on the front steps, wiped his feet on the welcome mat and then knocked. After a moment the door opened, and Gorey was standing there, looking much nicer than she usually did. "You get all dressed up just on account of me?" Reynolds asked, smirking. "I did it because that's what adults do, apparently. They dress well when they have a dinner guest," Gorey replied, "Are you gonna come in?" Reynolds walked past her into the living room and looked around. It was a cute, homely little place, and it reminded him of his own mother. He then remembered, handing Gorey the paper bag. "What is it?" she asked. "It's a bottle of apple cider," he said, "I know you don't drink, and I'm trying to cut back myself, so I figured it was this over wine." "Thank you, that's really nice, I'm sure my mother will appreciate it," Gorey said, taking the bottle and Reynolds behind her into the kitchen where her mother was standing at the counter, finishing cutting an enormous ham. Gorey cleared her throat, and her mother turned around and smiled. "Oh, hello!" she said, "You must be John Reynolds." "I sure hope so, otherwise I've been living someone else's life," Reynolds said, shaking her hand, the both of them laughing awkwardly; after the shake broke, he stuck his hands in his pants pockets and looked around the kitchen, nodding as he said, "You have a really lovely home." "Why thank you! Dinner is just about ready," Alice Gorey said, before looking at Janice and saying, "Why don't you go wash up?" Janice excused herself, leaving Reynolds and her mother alone in the kitchen. Alice looked at Reynolds, a stern grimace on her face now as she approached him, casually wiping her hands on her apron before she started untying it. "Uh, did I do something wrong already?" Reynolds asked, "If so, sorry, I don't interact much with other adults." "I just wanna thank you," Alice said quietly, "Janice has...a very hard time making friends, ever since the accident. I'm just very grateful to you for not only giving her another job and thusly something focus on but also being her friend." "Eh, she's a good kid," Reynolds said, smiling, "I like her." "Well, she likes you too, very much," Alice said, "Now come on, she'll be back in a moment, then you can wash up and we can eat." Maybe this wouldn't be such a bad night after all. Besides, it had been a while since John Reynolds had had a good ol' fashioned home cooked meal. *** Hawley had never spent the night at someone's house before, but the way her father saw it, it was a good thing. She figured he thought if she spent more time around boys, it would make her act the way he saw her, but she knew that wasn't gonna happen. Still, she'd rather be at Tyler's than at home. Then again, she'd rather be anywhere than at home. Sitting in the living room, eating chips out of an enormous bowl and drinking soda, Hawley was in fact having somewhat the time of her life. Tyler's parents turned out to be really nice, even if his father was somewhat overbearing and a little intimidating at times, but he was incredibly kind to Hawley. He knew how she was, and he didn't care one bit, which only made Hawley not only feel all the more accepted here but all the more angry at her own father for not feeling the same way. "Can I ask you a question without it being...weird?" Tyler asked, making Hawley simultaneously curious and nervous somehow. "I guess so," she said. "And I'm not asking because I feel the same way or anything, I just wanna know...like...how did you come to this realization that you were a girl and also why haven't you quit the team in light of it? Isn't it kinda weird to hang around with mostly guys?" Hawley leaned back against the couch, scooped a handful of chips up and ate them, then after she was finished she exhaled, brushing her bangs out of her face. "It was just something I grew to realize was true. I mean, I always had this kind of inkling, but it never really was an issue until people started openly addressing me as a boy, you know? When my gender started being recognized and, in many cases, reinforced, that it became a detriment to my identity," Hawley said, "as for being on the team, I like the team. I'm even growing to like the sport. But mostly I do it cause it gets me away from my dad and makes him happy to have me interact with other kids, plus I like hanging out with Coach Reynolds." Tyler nodded, all of that was completely understandable. He sighed and grabbed some chips for himself, eating them before speaking again. "My dad wants me to be a great athlete, and I mean, I enjoy sports and all, but it's not what I wanna do with my life," Tyler said, "I kinda like science. You know our science teacher? He's been trying to get me interested in doing the science fair this year, says I have a lot of talent." "That would be cool," Hawley said. "But I'd need a partner. Peyton's already agreed, but we need a third. You think you might be interested?" Tyler asked, and Hawley waited for a moment, somewhat surprised at being asked to help with something by one of her peers. "I...I guess, yeah, that could be a lot of fun," she said, blushing, happy to have been included. Tyler flipped through some channels on the TV as they continued to eat snacks and drink soda, neither one saying a word, each just perfectly content with the others company, knowing they weren't the only child letting down their parents. *** The ham was great, Reynolds had to admit, as he helped himself to a third serving. Coated and glazed perfectly, with little carrots and green beans, it was a treat and much better than the crap he'd been microwaving for himself at night these days. He looked up from the table as he grabbed his drink and sipped it, spotting Janice sitting at the other end, simply pushing her food around her plate with her fork, not eating a single bite. Meanwhile her mother seemed to have the same ravenous appetite that he himself had, so at least he didn't feel totally out of place. "So how did you get your job? I mean, I know you used to be on TV, I watched your show a number of times, but how did that end?" Alice asked, and Reynolds shrugged. "Show business is a fickle bitch," he said, "Sorry for the language, it just...one little thing happens and it warrants a myriad of rather unnecessary changes. There's no second chances these days. Back in the 50s, so long as you weren't accused of being a communist sympathizer, you could drink and nobody would bat an eye while you battered your wife. I mean, it's great we don't put up with that anymore, certainly, but being blackballed for every little thing, no matter how minor, is absurd. It's not like I solicited an underage street walker." Alice stared at him, surprised by his candor, while Janice had to try extra hard to stifle her laughter, which made him happy. "So what you did wasn't that bad? It never came out, so I have no context," Alice said, shoveling more potatoes onto her spoon and plopping them onto her plate. "No, it really wasn't. I mean, it was, but on a grand scale of 'awful', it was a more personal kind of awful, not a 'threat to society' kind of awful. It was the kind of awful that should've been dealt with privately, not by the studio. Then again, I'd tried a number of times to deal with it privately and it never got any better, so perhaps I'm wrong after all. Either way, it's in the past now, and frankly I'm glad. It was toxic and exhausting. I'd much rather work with kids, and with Janice here." Janice blushed, and Reynolds noticed her cheeks flush. He had to admit it to himself, she cleaned up well. Her hair, not long to begin with, was up in a messy bun and she had even put on makeup to come off as more adult. Hell, she'd even worn a dress, which was something he'd never seen her in before. "Janice used to act, you know," Alice said. "Really?" Reynolds asked, sounding genuinely interested. "She used to do community theatre and was always in plays at school," Alice continued, "she was great." "Why'd you stop?" Reynolds asked. "I...I don't know," Gorey mumbled. "She stopped because of the accident," Alice said. "God, does everyone have to know my life story?" Gorey said loudly, tossing her silverware down on the table and standing up, "Can't I just have one friend, just one, who comes into our house and doesn't immediately feel sorry for me because I still live at home with my mom? Why do you do this?!" And with that she stormed out. Reynolds looked at Alice, who looked dumbstruck by this sudden turn of events. She finally sighed, and looked back at Reynolds who was chewing a carrot. He just shrugged. "Kids," he said. *** Lying on the floor of the living room, in their respective sleeping bags, Tyler and Hawley looked upwards at the ceiling while the TV played some old comedy movie on muted. They were still sharing chips from the bowl, placed right between them. "Remember when we were in, like, 4th grade and all we had to worry about was doing our homework? It never even occurred to me that I might one day disappoint my parents with my choices," Tyler said, "and that wasn't even that long ago." "You're preaching to the choir," Hawley replied, "Sometimes I think about the things I've decided to do and maybe if my mom somehow knew and left us because of it. Sometimes I wish she'd come home, but then again do I really want someone who disliked us so bad she'd leave to return? That isn't a relationship one should have with their mother." "When'd your mom leave?" Tyler asked, rolling onto his side now and looking at her. "I don't know, I guess about a year or so now," Hawley said, "and I know it's because of my father, but I can't help but worry that perhaps I had something to do with it, which is ridiculous, because I'm a kid, and a kid shouldn't have anything to do with their parents decisions." Tyler nodded, then rolled onto his back again, looking up at the ceiling. "They decide to have us, they should make the effort to love us," he said softly. "Amen," Hawley agreed. *** Reynolds shut the front door behind him as he stepped onto the porch and seated himself on the front porch swing next to Gorey. She looked over at him for a moment, then buried her face in her hands as he dug out a pack of gum from his coat pocket and started chewing a few pieces. "I'm embarrassed," she said. "Don't be, it's not like my opinion of you could get any lower," Reynolds said. "Gee, thanks so much," Janice said, chuckling, "I just...she always does this. Anytime we have guests she makes such a big deal about what happened and...and maybe she isn't aware she's doing it, maybe she's creating context for my situation, I don't know, but it pisses me off. Not everyone we come into contact with has to know what happened to me." "What did happen to you?" Reynolds asked, "I mean, we've been working together for a while now, and I don't really know anything about you other than you live at home and you're a janitor." "...well, what happened to you?" Janice asked, making Reynolds hesitate; she nodded and said, "Exactly, it's not fun to talk about, even with the people you know. Why can't human beings sustain relationships based purely on surface level acknowledgement? Why must everything get bogged down in specifics and history? So we had some shit happen. Doesn't change who we are. I'm still here. You're still here." "...you're not wrong," Reynolds said, "but the thing is, what happened to us is a part of our lives. We can't run from it. That's what I'm learning. And I literally ran from it. I came to an entirely new state, new town, new life altogether. So, you show me your damage, I'll show you mine." Janice laughed a little and nodded as he handed her a piece of gum. "Um," she said, popping it in her mouth and sniffling, "I was in high school. Sophomore year. I was, like my mom said, doing a lot of theatre. I was up on the rafters one evening, trying to get these lights into a specific position, and I just...fell. No rhyme or reason. I just slipped and I fell over the railing and all the way down onto the stage. Broke my back, was in and out of consciousness for a week or so. Brain had some swelling. Ever since then, I...I just...never aged, mentally I guess. It just stopped me deadset at that particular time in my life." Reynolds looked away for a moment, wiping his eyes, which surprised her. "I wanna say it was the rafters. I would love to be able to say they hadn't been repaired in ages, that it was a tragic unfortunate set of circumstances, but the truth is...it wasn't. It was my fault. I did it. Me. I did this to myself. Unintentionally, yeah, but still. I became a shut in. I never left the house. My mom eventually got me a job with the school, as the janitor, and I've been doing that for a few years now. I had to watch everyone else I knew go to college, get real careers, start families, and I was a janitor, and lucky to have that to boot." Reynolds felt his eyes welling up with tears again, but he didn't hide it this time. "I guess it kinda crushed my self esteem along with my back," Janice said, making him laugh, which in turn made her laugh. "I'm so sorry," Reynolds said, "I'm...jesus I'm sorry. That's awful. But...and maybe this seems selfish, if that hadn't happened, you'd have gone away to college too, maybe met someone, and had a career in the theatre. Instead you're here. Instead you're...with me. I don't know, I guess I feel sort of lucky to have that." Janice looked at him and Reynolds didn't look away. Instead he took one of her hands and squeezed it gently. "You're not any less of a person because of what happened," Reynolds said, "We're all fucked up, Jan. At least we can be fucked up together, right? Misery loves company." "...you're the first friend I've had in like 7 years," Janice said softly, "...thanks for coming to dinner." "Yeah, of course, your mom is super nice and she cooks well. Better than spending my night alone," Reynolds said, standing up and patting his knees, "I should get going though, I...I've been having phone calls with my daughter every weekend evening, and it's about that time, and I don't wanna miss that." As Reynolds started down the walkway, Janice watched for a moment, then stood up. "John!" she called, and he stopped, turning back around. "Yeah?" he asked. "I..." Janice started, but she couldn't. She just couldn't say it. Instead she smiled weakly and said, "I'll see you on Monday." "You got it," he said, winking and finger gunning her, which made her chuckle. After she watched him drive away, Janice went back inside and found her mother in the kitchen. She apologized for her outburst, hugged her mother, helped her put everything away and then took a shower. Afterwards, in her pajamas, she climbed onto her bed and started looking through her sophomore yearbook. She found herself, smiling and unaware of the accident she was soon to have, and she just stared at the picture for a while. She was kidding herself if she really believed anyone could love her. They might've loved who she'd have become, or had been, but not as she was now. She laid back on her bed and looked at the ceiling overhead, plastered with glow in the dark stars and planets. She shut her eyes and she imagined where she'd be now if she hadn't had the accident, and for the first time since it happened, she had trouble visualizing it, because, as Reynolds had said, she wouldn't be here, with him, and she really liked what they had. Her bedroom door opened and Alice peeked inside, making Janice sit up a bit. "Hi sweetheart," Alice said, "I'm sorry, again, I...I didn't mean to-" "It's okay, I overreacted." "It was nice meeting your friend," Alice said, "He's welcome back here anytime." She started to shut the door and exit, but Janice sat up more. "Mom?" she asked. "Yeah?" "...how do you tell someone you love them without ruining your friendship?" Janice asked, and Alice exhaled deeply, shaking her head. "Honey, you find a way and you let me and everyone else know, because you'll be a hero," she said, "Goodnight." Alice exited, and Janice laid back down. She usually had at least one nightmare throughout the night about the accident. But for the first time since it'd happened, she didn't have a single nightmare that night. She was learning to count her blessings where they came.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
About
GRAVE INNINGS is about A funeral home that has sponsored a local little league, the coach who is a disgraced reality show host, a young transgirl and the odd family they create for one another. Archives
May 2024
Categories |