"What's this?" Reynolds asked, taking the paper from Gorey as she sat down at the table across from him in the lounge.
"It's paper." "Gee, thanks," he replied flatly, making her laugh. "It's a flyer, specifically," she continued, "Hawley gave it to me. She said it's for a band she wants to go see, but she can't do it on her own and she doesn't wanna ask her dad. I told her I'd ask you. It's for tonight and it's about an hour drive away at the Styx Pavilion." "Deathbox?" Reynolds asked, "Kids and their music, I swear." "Actually I've listened to them myself, out of curiosity, and they're surprisingly not death metal nor are they box related in any way. It's just kind of a cool name. They're also not bad," Gorey said, just as the door opened and Little entered, walking to the coffee machine and filling her mug up. "What's that?" she asked as she lifted the mug to her lips, taking a sip, nodding her head towards the flyer. "It's a flyer," Gorey said, "For a band." "Oh, I've seen those guys," Little said, surprising both Reynolds and Gorey; Reynolds started to chuckle and looked up at her. "You have not you big liar," he said. "I have! Yeah! Right before I got out of college, they played at a little venue nearby and I went with some friends. I'm not usually one for live music, but they were surprisingly entertaining. I would recommend going if you get the chance," she said, checking her watch and heading for the door, "I have class in a minute. I have to go." As she exited, Reynolds just shook his head in disbelief. "Is she cool or what?" he asked. "Or what's a good question," Gorey mumbled before looking back at him and asking, folding her arms on the table, "So...can I tell her we'll take her? Kid deserves to have some fun, right?" *** Hawley had never been to a live music show before, and while she wasn't a fan of crowds, she also wasn't against the idea. She just figured she'd ignore everyone around her, focus on the adults she'd be with and, of course, the music she was there to hear. Her dad was out with some friends that night, so she knew she had plenty of time to not only get ready, but also go and come back. Hawley was sitting on Gorey's bed, watching as Gorey dug through her closet for a myriad of clothing that would fit her. As she lugged out a handful of articles out on hangers and plopped them on the bed, she stood back and put her hands on her hips. "This is exciting, I always wanted a pet," Gorey said. "...I'd prefer something more akin to a little sister," Hawley said and Gorey shrugged. "What's the difference really," she replied as she started picking up a few dresses, saying, "This was all my stuff from when I was your age, so it should fit. I never got rid of anything, so I have like everything I ever wore, lucky for you. I personally like this one, but obviously you know your tastes, so." Gorey put the clothes back down on the bed and headed to her vanity mirror, where she seated herself and started applying eye makeup. Hawley began sifting through the clothes on the bed, taking each piece in and trying to figure out what she liked the most. She looked up across the room at Gorey. "Will you..." she started, then stopped. "Will I what?" Gorey asked, putting eyeliner on cautiously. "Will you do that for me?" Hawley asked and Gorey spun around in her chair, smiling. "Of course!" she said, "It takes a lot of practice, but I'd be happy to help!" "I think I like this one," Hawley said, picking out a red and black plaid dress with short sleeves and a collar, she looked towards Gorey and held it up, "What do you think? Think this would look good on me?" "That was one of my favorites," Gorey said, "You have good taste." Hawley smiled and excused herself to go change in the bathroom, just as Reynolds walked in through the bedroom door. He smiled at seeing her rush out, then walked further into the room, twirling his keys around his index finger as he sat on the bed and watched Gorey apply her makeup. "She seems all atwitter," he said. "Atwitter?" Gorey asked, stopping and looking at him in the mirror, laughing, "You're here early." "Better early than late, and better late than never," Reynolds said. "That's just an excuse people who are constantly late and tired of getting called out for it came up with," Gorey said, "How hard is it to just be on time? A specific time? How difficult is that?" "Okay well I'm gonna go, you guys can walk there," Reynolds said, making Gorey laugh again; he chuckled himself and looked down at his shoes, then back at Gorey and asked, "...hey...do you think Little and I make sense? We've had a few dates, and stuff seems to be going well, but I could use a female viewpoint." Gorey didn't wanna talk about this. She didn't even wanna think about Little. But instead, she bit her lip, thought for a moment and then sighed. "I guess you guys seem good for one another," she said, "She seems smart, sweet, and she is pretty like you said. It makes total sense why you two would get together, especially both working in education, you both care about kids." "I guess," Reynolds said, "...I really like her, but I'm always afraid everytime that I like a woman, she never likes me half as much. Contrary to popular belief, I am not actually as confident and sexy as I regularly appear to be." "That's hard to believe," Gorey said. Meanwhile, in the bathroom, Hawley was admiring herself in Gorey's dress as she buttoned up the collar. She smiled at herself and ran her fingers through her long, silky blonde hair and felt so good. For the first time in her entire life, she finally felt like she was seeing the person she was supposed to be seeing, and having a new dress didn't hurt any. Was she scared? A little. She rarely went out in public full femme, but she didn't care. She had to do this. The need to do this superseded any potential fear she might've had. She had to start her life. HER life. No matter what the cost. *** The drive up was smooth. They stopped for gas once, and Reynolds let Gorey and Hawley go into the gas station to pay and get some snacks and drinks. When they arrived at Styx Pavilion, the three of them paid for tickets and headed indoors. Hawley had never once been to a live event, and she was so giddy to be at this one. The energy coursing through her was almost infectious, as it seemed even Reynolds and Gorey were enjoying themselves more than she'd expected. "Alright, now remember, put some ear plugs in," Reynolds said as they stopped by a wall and he pulled a little bag of earplugs out of his pocket and tore them open, evenly distributing them between the three of them, adding, "Take it from someone who suffered from hearing loss, you don't wanna go down that road. Just stick 'em in and you'll still be able to hear perfectly fine, it'll just dampen it so it won't damage your ears." "God, you're such a dad," Gorey said, taking the ear plugs and putting them into her ears, Hawley doing the same. "Did you go to a lot of concerts when you were younger?" Hawley asked, looking at Reynolds. "Sure I did, too many in fact. I kinda burned myself out on live music, actually, I went to frequently," he said, "but I think it's a rite of passage, really, so I'm happy to be the one to shepard you through that." Hawley smiled, which made Reynolds smile. Gorey just rolled her eyes and said she was going to get a drink, Reynolds offering to go with her and pay. He told Hawley to wait there, that they'd be back in a minute or two. Hawley did as she was told, and leaned against the wall, crossing her arms as she people watched around the room. A little bit away from her she saw a young woman, tall and generically pretty, swaying to the music. The woman, who didn't look much older than a sophomore in high school, looked her way and the two smiled at one another, with Hawley waving slowly. After the band got their instruments tuned and prepared, the woman walked over to Hawley. "First show?" she asked. "Yeah, pretty nervous, but also pretty excited," Hawley said. "I'll bet. Deathbox are pretty great though, so you're starting your live music viewing with a top notch choice," the woman said, "I'm Kayla, by the way." "Ellie," Hawley said. Meanwhile, at the bar, Reynolds and Gorey were waiting for their drinks to be made and delivered. Reynolds looked around at the other people at the bar and shook his head, chuckling as Gorey glanced his way and raised an eyebrow. "What is it?" she asked. "Just...this takes me back is all," he said, "I can remember being this young and full of energy. Now I'm looking down the barrel of middle age and don't even have my own kid with me. I just feel so far away from this kind of world now, which is weird considering I used to be right in the middle of it." "For what it's worth," Gorey said, "you got young people around you to keep you youthful." "Yeah but maybe it's time to grow up, I mean," Reynolds said, "Maybe I should start staying in, doing laundry while watching true crime reenactment reruns and eating healthy dinners." "Crazy talk, you're just not drunk yet," Gorey said, making him laugh loudly. Neither one knew it, but when they'd eventually get back to the wall, Hawley wouldn't be there. She'd taken Kayla's offer to go outside and smoke a joint with her and some other girlfriends of hers. This was not something Hawley would normally do, but she was so desperate to know other girls, to fit in with them and be their friend, that she opted to smoke a little. Besides, it was just marijuana. She knew that wasn't anything to worry about. As Hawley and Kayla walked outside and towards the nearby parking lot, Kayla looked over at her and smirked. "I like your dress," she said. "Oh, thanks! It's actually a friends," Hawley said, "I don't own a lot of dresses." "More of a jeans kinda gal, huh?" Kayla asked. "I guess. I don't know. I just never really bought any, and my dad hates feminine stuff. Seeing as my mom is gone, I kinda have to abide by whatever he says, so, my wardrobe is pretty shit at the moment," Hawley remarked. The two girls arrived near a nice modern silver car, where two other girls were already sitting on the hood. They happily greeted Kayla, and when Kayla introduced Hawley, they greeted her as well before they started rolling papers with Hawley watching in earnest curiosity. She'd never hung out with other girls much, especially not older girls, and she'd certainly never seen anyone roll a joint, so this was an altogether new experience for her, safe to say. She seated herself on the front right headlight and watched as Kayla and her friends - also both sophomores named Casey and Jackie - just talked about school and whatever other bullshit was going on in their lives. Hawley didn't participate, she just listened, but she was thankful to be a part of it nonetheless. Meanwhile, Reynolds and Gorey had arrived with drinks in hand back at the wall they'd left her at, only to find the wall empty. "I knew you shouldn't take a kid to a live music show," Reynolds said. "She can't have gone too far. She's responsible. She probably just went to the bathroom," Gorey said. "Maybe..." His cell phone rang, and he reached into his pocket, pulling it out and answering. He lit up when he realized it was his daughter, and he promptly excused himself to take the call. Gorey didn't mind. She just stayed behind and listened to the warmup. He couldn't talk long anyway, the show was going to start soon, but until then he needed a quiet place. Reynolds exited the building, putting his rarely used cell to his ear and his hand to his other ear. "What do you mean?" he asked, "wait wait wait, slow down. You're where exactly?" He started strolling through the parking lot and then stopped dead in his tracks. "...you're kidding me," he said, almost in shock. Back at the cars, the joint was rolled and shared amongst the four girls, with even Hawley taking a brief hit. Course, as she never smoked before, this was a new thing for her and so she didn't do it exactly right, which made the other girls laugh, and even Kayla said "don't worry, nobody does it right the first time" which only made Hawley feel even more accepted. Eventually, as the buzz overtook her brain, Hawley looked up at the sky as Casey took a hit and grinned. "So...your dad must be pretty disappointed in you, huh?" she asked, catching Hawley's attention. "Wh...what? What do you mean?" she asked. "You know, playing pretend all the time," Casey continued, the other girls starting to snicker as she added, "The whole dress and everything. You can grow your hair long, but you'll never be like us and nobody will ever think you are." Hawley could barely parse what she was hearing. It was almost like her brain didn't wanna believe it. She was now suddenly, ironically, upset the earplugs didn't block out all sound. She tried to stand up off the car, but stumbled and tripped, falling onto the ground. She started to push herself up when she felt a foot connect with her side, kicking her, and looked up to see Kayla standing there, laughing. "You know, it's people like you who are ruining society's viewpoints on gay people," she said, "I have gay friends, I don't care, but at least they don't pretend to be something else. You, and everyone like you, is just trying to take things away from women." "That isn't true, I don't-" Hawley started, but eventually she felt Jackie bend down and slap her across the face, causing her to whimper. She couldn't believe this was happening. She just laid face down on the parking lot, squeezing her eyes shut tightly, when suddenly she heard screaming. She opened her eyes and saw Gorey standing there, nursing her knuckles as Kayla lay on the ground, clearly having been punched. Reynolds stepped forward screamed at them, as the girls helped Kayla up and into the car and they all drove away. Reynolds got down on his knees and grabbed Hawley, picking her up. "God dammit, that hurt," Gorey said, rubbing her hand. "Are you okay?!" Reynolds said, still shouting. "...i wanna go home..." Hawley said. Reynolds felt anger and sadness mixed together, as he picked her up and carried her back to the car, Gorey right behind them. Hawley laid in the backseat, trying not to audibly cry, while they drove in absolute silence. After a short while, just outside town, Reynolds finally pulled into an a waffle house and parked, the three of them getting out and heading inside. They took seats in a booth and Reynolds ordered for everyone, but still nobody spoke. Finally, Reynolds cleared his throat and sighed. "...I want you to know, first and foremost, that what happened wasn't your fault and I am not mad at you," he said calmly, "While it should be obvious not to leave with strangers, who could've predicted that some high school girls would be so vicious? I sure wouldn't have pegged them for that. Either way, I'm just glad you're alright and-" "They were right. I'm just a fraud." "Don't you ever say that," Reynolds said sternly, quickly adding, "You are the most genuine person I've ever known and I wish I could be half as brave as you are. You are who you are and I admire the hell out of you for that." "...why would they-" "Because they're idiots, Ellie," Reynolds said, "Because they live these sheltered little lives in their sheltered little bubbles with their sheltered little parents who give them everything they ask for. They never have to work or fight for anything. They can afford to hurt others because they know they can get away with it and because they genuinely believe they're right because they themselves have never faced adversity, or at least not on the level that you have, or might." "...I'm sorry about your dress," Hawley said, looking at Gorey, "It should be okay, but if it's torn I'm sorry." "Sweetheart, it's just a dress," Gorey said, reaching over and pushing Hawley's hair from her face as she smiled warmly and added, "Besides, it didn't fit me anymore anyway. It's yours now. All of that stuff is yours now." Hawley smiled, if only briefly. She was so grateful to have these two in her life. The gang ate their waffles and then piled back into the car. Reynolds dropped Hawley off first, at his apartment so she could have her safety ensured for the evening, before taking Gorey home. As he pulled up to the curb and Gorey gathered her small backpack and jacket, she stopped and looked at him, her hand on the door handle. "What?" he asked. "...women are faced every day with monstrous injustices, many of which they cannot escape," she said, "but when something like this happens, it really puts into perspective the things you yourself have been through. My accident was awful, it effectively ruined and stunted my life, but it was just that, an accident. What she's dealing with isn't an accident. That's chosen hatred. They chose to thrust violence upon her, and it isn't fair. She has it so much worse, and I...I don't think I realized until tonight what kind of danger she's actually in. This sort of made it all real." Reynolds nodded, not saying a word as he looked out the window, towards Gorey's home. He could see her mother in the living room, vacuuming, and he thought to himself about the phone call. About Clarissa's mom, his ex wife, and then his mind circled back to Hawley. He finally looked over at Gorey, who just shrugged. "I don't really know what it is I'm trying to say," Gorey said, "just that I guess some people have it really bad, and it's selfish of me to compare my situation to others. She needs you. She needs you more than I do." "I was so scared," Reynolds finally said, almost whispering, his eyes wet, "I...I saw her on the ground, I saw those girls around her, and I just...I thought to myself for a brief moment 'look, look at what happens when you open yourself up, you lose everything again' and I wanted to scream and punch god in the dick." He looked at Gorey, who gently ran her fingers through her bangs, pushing them from her eyes. "...I don't wanna lose anything again, I can't start over again," he said, his voice cracking, "...I can't, and I won't. This...this fucked up family dynamic is all I've got, and if either of you exit it, I don't know what I'll do. I put on air of sarcasm and aloofness so I can protect myself, but is protection really worth it? That kid is the best thing to happen to me in over a year." "She really is," Gorey replied, smiling softly. "And then there's you," Reynolds said, "You...I don't even know how to describe what exactly it is you mean to me. All I know is that I...I met you and I instantly felt like I found someone who understood me again. Like when I first met my ex wife. Comedically combative but unwaveringly supportive." Gorey felt her heart beat faster, her breath shorten. Reynolds looked at her, their eyes locked. "...what is it you want from me?" Gorey asked quietly. "Everything," he replied, leaning in and kissing her. Gorey did not hold back or hesitate, she kissed him back with such lust in her lips that she surprised even herself. But she'd been waiting for this for what felt like ever, and now it was happening. Reynolds ran his hand down her thigh, and she scraped her nails across the back of his coat, both of them breathing heavily. "You can't do this, much as I want you to," Gorey said. "I know," he said. "I have to go," Gorey said, quickly exiting the vehicle and running inside, leaving a very confused Reynolds to drive home alone. *** Hawley awoke to the smell of eggs and bacon. She rose slowly from the couch, rubbing her eyes and looking around, quickly realizing she was lying on Reynold's couch. She yawned, stood up and then noticed a bag of clothes by the couch with a note that simply read: "Guessed your size, got these at thrift store, sorry for anything wrong, we can try again together." She smiled, picked up the bag of clothes and carried them into the bathroom down the hall. When she emerged into the kitchen, she found Reynolds over the stove, making breakfast. He smiled at as she seated herself at the little table. "Morning," he said happily. "Thanks for the clothing," she said. "Eh, no big thing, I just hope I got stuff you either like or that fits," he said. "...um...I'm sorry about-" "You have nothing to be sorry about, so don't even," Reynolds said, scooping eggs from the pan and plopping them onto a plate with a handful of bacon as he carried it over to the table and set it down in front of it, saying, "now eat, you'll need your energy for practice after school. Got a lot of training planned today." "Thanks coach," she said, and he patted her back then ruffled her hair. "Please," he said, "Call me dad."
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GRAVE INNINGS is about A funeral home that has sponsored a local little league, the coach who is a disgraced reality show host, a young transgirl and the odd family they create for one another. Archives
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