Hawley couldn't think. Pushing the large wheelbarrow around the field while Reynolds and Gorey gathered up the remaining equipment and tossed it all into the wheelbarrow, she found that her mind was just blank, like a whiteboard that had been erased. This wasn't a bad thing, either. This wasn't a complaint. Hell, she was happy to not have to think for a change. She felt like she spent far too much time as it was just thinking and thinking nonstop, and she was, quite frankly, getting pretty sick of it. As they approached the equipment shed, Reynolds pulled the key from his pocket and unlocked the door, letting Hawley roll the wheelbarrow through the door and into the building.
"Why'd you lock it if all the equipment was outside?" Gorey asked, standing by the door. "Well there's other stuff in here that we don't use, it's not just for baseball, it's equipment for most of the sports here," Reynolds said, "Football tackling dummies, basketballs, tennis nets and rackets, you name it. Don't want any of that stuff to get stolen." "Who's gonna steal sports equipment?" Gorey asked. "Someone who has nothing else going on in their life, frankly," Reynolds replied, making her laugh as she turned her wrist over and checked her watch. "I have a doctors appointment, so I can't stay," she said, "I should get going." "Alright, see you tomorrow." Gorey waved goodbye to him, then waved goodbye to Hawley, who waved back smiling at her. Once she was gone, Reynolds entered the shed and shut the door behind him, seating himself on a crate of unused baseballs and lighting up a cigarette. He took a few puffs, then leaned back against the wall as Hawley continued to put all the equipment from the wheelbarrow away into its respective places. After a few minutes, Reynolds blew some smoke into the air and glanced over his shoulder at her. "Your dad coming to pick you up today?" he asked. "He's supposed to, but he's late so far, that's why I'm helping," Hawley said, "Not that I'm looking forward to him coming anyway, so. The later he is the better for me, honestly." Hawley came back to the front of the shed and sat down on another crate, this one full of extra gloves. She pulled a pack of cinnamon gum from her pocket and put a few pieces in her mouth, chewing, as she and Reynolds just sat there. "I wish you didn't have to go home to him," Reynolds said, surprising her. "Well," she said, "We all have to do things we don't like, right? Isn't that what adults say?" "Eh, adults are stupid," Reynolds said, making her chuckle as he added, "All I know is that I'd never make my daughter do something she didn't wanna do. She's her own person, and I should respect that. Then again, I guess I gave up ever raising her when I lost my shit in LA, so maybe I'm not the best example." "I don't think you're a bad example, and if you are the bad example, then that makes you the best example still," Hawley said, making him smile a little as she crossed her legs and said, "All I know is that I hate my dad, and that isn't fair. I want a dad. I already lost my mom because she decided to leave, I shouldn't be sans both parents." "No, you really shouldn't," Reynolds said, putting his cigarette out and pulling a little flask from his jacket pocket, uncapping it and taking a swig, wiping his mouth on his sleeve and saying, "but them's the brakes, kiddo. A lot of kids wind up in situations they don't deserve to be in, with people they shouldn't have to be with. At least you got some adults around you who are willing to stand up for you. That's more than most of those other kids get. A lot of them gotta weather it alone." He was right, she knew that, but she couldn't help but now feel bad for the kids who didn't have the support system she had. She sighed and leaned back against the wall, playing with her hair. "You know, when I was little, my dad and I spent a lot of time together," she said, "We used to enjoy being with one another. He'd take me to the park, he taught me how to ride a bike, we'd play board games together. We even played catch now and then, despite me not being very athletically inclined. Now he terrifies me." "I think fathers are overrated," Reynolds said, "They often see their children, especially their sons, as an extension of themselves and thusly their masculinity, so when their sons turn out not to be sons, I think it hits them on a personal level." Hawley shrugged and looked at her nails. "I mean, I didn't do it on purpose to hurt him or anything," she mumbled, and Reynolds brows raised as he set forward. "Oh god, no, I'm sorry, I know that, I know this isn't a choice or whatever, please don't think I meant it like that, I just...I wasn't very interested in sports myself, but my father was an enormous baseball fan, and as a result he dragged me and my sister to hundreds of games and was always disappointed that I wasn't interested and that she wound up liking hockey of all things. I just mean I think fathers see their children more as extensions of themselves than mothers do and, as a result, wind up feeling personally attacked when a child isn't who they expected them to be." "I know you didn't mean anything by it," Hawley said, smiling weakly, "I just...I wish I could get him to understand. This is something I've always felt. This is something I can't run away from. I'd rather be dead than go back to living like that." "Totally understandable. My daughter was very opinionated and forceful about herself, and it's a trait I always admired. Don't know where she got it from, cause it sure as hell wasn't me," Reynolds said, chuckling and then coughing. "...what's your daughters name?" Hawley asked. "Clarissa," Reynolds said, "She's so smart and funny, and she's very opinionated. She's why I am even doing this coaching thing." "Really?" "I didn't care that I lost my job, I didn't really like it by that point anyway and being a game show host is never the path I wanted in the industry, and my marriage...well...that had been taking some hits for quite some time before the firing, but being away from Clarissa...that actually genuinely hurts more than I could ever explain. That's why I like having you around, cause you remind me of her, and cause you need someone to be there for you." "But you know I'm not her, right?" "Of course I know that," Reynolds mumbled, "In fact, she and I have been talking on the phone a lot lately, and even she's getting sick of her mothers bullshit. Funny enough, you can't stand your father and all she wants is me back. Two opposite sides of the same coin, in a way." Hawley chewed on her lip and then blew a bubble before removing the gum from her mouth, wrapping it up in the paper it came out of and tucking it into her pocket to throw away later. She shifted and sat upright, folding her arms now. "What?" Reynolds asked. "I always thought maybe my mom left because she somehow knew," Hawley said, "and maybe she was embarrassed or didn't want to face me as myself, or deal with my father in the wake of the revelation, but really, I mean...am I just wrong? Am I just trying to find a reason for her leaving? She never was mean to me, she was so kind, so am I just looking to apply logic where there isn't any?" "Human beings historically have to create reasons for why things happen," Reynolds said, "Gives them a sense of history having some kind of meaning and purpose and grand plan. But really everything is random, nothing means anything and people are fickle and weird. Yeah, I think you're looking for a reason where there isn't one. I doubt your mother would feel the same way your father does if she knew. Not to say women, and mothers especially, can't be monsters as well as men, but from what you've said it sounds like she wasn't that kind of person." "Yeah I didn't think my dad was either," Hawley replied quietly, making Reynolds grimace. "Fair enough," he said, "Parents are inscrutable and impossible to extrude reason from. They're like water and oil. They just don't mix well with logic when it comes right down to it. Sometimes I think it's kids who know better than parents. For instance, it was my daughters idea for me to take a coaching gig. Didn't expect to wind up at a school, exactly, but here we are. I was hesitant, especially given my rocky standing with the sport to begin with, but she knew, just like she always did, what I'd be best at." Hawley smiled at this admittance, seeing how much Reynolds appreciated and loved his daughter. She got up and walked over to his crate, seating herself next to him. He looked over at her as she pulled her long blonde hair back into a ponytail and tied it up, then looked back up to him. "I'm glad you're here," she said, "It's nice to have an adult I can trust, since I can't trust my father. So thanks for being our coach." And then she hugged him, taking him by surprise. After a moment, he just hugged her back, stroking her hair, smiling. "Anytime kid," he said, "anytime." The two of them exited the shed after the hug and Reynolds locked it behind them. They then started walking back across the field, towards the bleachers where they sat back down. It was starting to get cold out, and it felt like it would likely wind up storming soon. Hawley sat on a bleacher and Reynolds sat on one just above her, looking out over the field as he lit another cigarette. "Despite not liking the sport much, I gotta admit...there's something remarkably comforting about a baseball field," Reynolds said, "Maybe it's that old time Americana you get from it, it being the nations past time and everything, but it makes you feel oddly safe and relaxed. At least it does for me. I didn't like my father, nor do I enjoy baseball much, but in hindsight, even if I didn't like the games he took me to, they're good memories now. It's weird how stuff you hate in the moment winds up becoming cherished down the road." "Don't think that'll happen with my dad and I." "Already has, you said so yourself," Reynolds said, "I mean, you didn't say you disliked it then, but you still have those good memories of being with him, despite how he treats you now." "...I...I guess," she replied, checking her nails as he pulled the cigarette from his lips and exhaled smoke into the air. "Maybe it's not the same, maybe it's not comparative, that's true, but I think it is," Reynolds said, "Or at the very least close enough." After a few minutes he put his cigarette out on the bleacher and then climbed down to sit beside her. She laid her head against his arm, and he stayed there. He noticed her eyes closing, and could hear her teeth starting to chatter the colder it got, so he carefully pulled his leather coat off and put it over her shoulders to keep her warm. Together they sat there, for another hour and a half at the least, until finally Reynolds gave up on waiting, picked her up, carried her to his car and drove her to his apartment where she spent the night once more on his couch. As he climbed into bed that evening, looking up at the ceiling, he couldn't imagine what kind of parent would not come get their child. Sure, he and his father never saw eye to eye, and they lacked a lot of the same interests, but never once did he get the feeling he'd outright abandon him. He chewed his lip and groaned, unsure of how to move forward with the situation. The best thing, he figured, would be to remove her from the situation entirely, and have her just stay with him. But would her father go for that? He didn't know. All he did know was that this kid was special, and he didn't want her to be in danger, especially not from the people who are supposed to keep her safe. He shut his eyes and tried to relax. Easier said than done. *** "You want a drink?" Claire asked, standing in front of the kiosk in the stadium. Reynolds nodded, and so she got them each a Root Beer to go with their Churros. Together, snacks in hand, they headed back through the stadium halls, hearing the throngs of people cheering around them. "Does dad know?" Reynolds asked, and Claire shook her head as she sipped her straw. "Not at all," she said, "Not yet anyway. I'm sure he will soon enough. Either way he's gonna be peeved. Imagine all those baseball games he took us to and what do I do? I get a full scholarship for Hockey. He'll be incredulous." "Serves him right, expecting things from us," Reynolds said. They got back into the seating arena and took their spots back. Reynolds bit into his churro, chewed and swallowed, then leaned towards his sister and grinned. "So when are you gonna tell him?" he asked. "His birthday," she replied, the both of them cracking up. "He was just trying to share something he loved with us, and here we are laughing at him," Reynolds said, "Makes me feel kinda bad, but...but he never really took the time or effort to get to know the things we actually liked. His lack of appreciation for his own childrens identities seems to have cost him his relationship with us and frankly he has nobody to blame but himself." "I think he doesn't like the idea of me playing hockey because he doesn't like the idea of women being aggressive," Claire said, "which is ironic, because that misogyny only makes me wanna kick his ass all the more." Reynolds cracked up as his sister took another bite of her churro. Together they sat and watched the hockey game that night, enjoying the fact that there was at least one sport their father hadn't ruined for them. After a few minutes, Reynold cleared his throat. "I'm going to LA," he said. "When?" "Soon as I graduate," he replied. "Well good luck to you, man," Claire said, "Like, that's scary shit. Do mom and dad know?" "Naw." "When you gonna tell them?" "Let's do it on mom's birthday. That way we have both gifts covered for them," he said, making her laugh. "You think you'll ever have kids, after the way we've been treated?" Claire asked, and Reynolds cocked his head to the side, thinking momentarily on the question. "I really don't know," he said, "I might adopt if I want a child. Plenty of kids who need a good home, right? That sounds like a good idea. Guess we'll see. Never know what the future might hold." And they hit their root beer cups together, as if making a pact.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
About
GRAVE INNINGS is about A funeral home that has sponsored a local little league, the coach who is a disgraced reality show host, a young transgirl and the odd family they create for one another. Archives
May 2024
Categories |